hi i am looking for some advice.i have been with boyfriend 7 months and been friends with him 21 years. i have two daughters 17 and 8 and he has a son aged 12. we live apart. his son is supposed to live with his mother. my daughters are with me and my boyfriend and them have a fantastic relationship. when i first started seeing him he warned me that his son was a very very nasty boy and that he and his son's mother and him had had many years of grief from him.

to keep it brief my boyfriend is now very low and at a point where his son is ruling his whole life. we live 30 miles apart so as my boyfriend works full time it is difficult anyway for us to see each other. me and my youngest daughter were going up there every weekend to stay but my boyfriend put an end to it because his son was continually being verbally abusive to me and my little girl despite us trying to be nice to him and it made him feel very guilty that we were being made to feel unwelcome in his home.

so it has been a couple of months and the strain is telling on us now as the son refuses to live with his mother.he has told his dad the reason for that is he knows his dad will not be able to come and see me if he is there full time.he has even admitted that he hates me and my daughter and every time my boyfriend is on the phone to me he is in the background singing that 'i hate the two of them' and laughing. my boyfriend is ashamed that his son treats me this way and he isriddled with guilt that i don't get the respect from his son that he does from my daughters. we have tried everything, talking to him, reassuring him that i wont take his dad away etc but he is a very spoiled boy, his dad admits that, and my boyfriend told me that his son is happier than ever that i am not on the scene.

i told my boyfriend a few weeks ago i couldn't keep doing this to me and my kids it was breaking my heart not seeing him and that he needed to decide what he wanted and if it was me he would have to lay down the law to his son and make an effort to be with me. he agreed and he started to become firmer with him, arranged for him to stay with his mother two nights a week so that he and i could be together at mine, in peace. so that worked for a week and the son has kicked off again, i have heard the things he says to his dad and it is disgusting and i can see my boyfriend's health failing with the stress of it all. we love each other very much, we have a wonderful, close relationship and after many years of us both living with someone who made us feeling unappreciated we both only want to make each other happy.

does anyone have any advice for me and him on how we can change this situation so that we can go back to being happy together?