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OT - Impossible came true

morrginme's picture

I was out of control as a teenager in a passive defiant way. I got into a lot of trouble and made a lot of poor choices. One of them occurred when visiting my older sister in Vegas. I met a guy probably in his mid to late twenties and had a 1 week fling. I went back home. He said he would call me and even be coming to my state supposedly soon. I never got his information and his last name I lost from my memory because it was a Russian last name I wasn't familiar with. 6 or 7 months down the road I found out I was pregnant. My sister didn't live in the same place anymore and I didn't want to tell her what I was doing while she was at work so I didn't ask her for help finding him. He never did contact me.

I kept my son. He grew up without a dad.  In my young wishful thinking I imagined one day I would just look over and there the guy would be in the crowd and he would recognize me.  It was hard on both of us but mostly hard on my son. He'd ask what I remembered of his dad and I'd tell him all I knew in the short amount of time I knew him. I hoped one day when I had enough money I could hire a private investigator and maybe he could find him with the little bit of information I had Sometimes I would get online and do Google searches hoping to find a clue. I'd tell my son lots of kids grow up in all kinds of different types of families. All that matters is your're surrounded by people that love you. My son was mostly raised by my mom and dad. My dad was his father figure. He also had my brother in law and my boyfriend of 5 years. Then my dad died when my son was 7. My brother in law went to find my sister to tell her and found her with his best friend and two weeks later my boyfriend went to prison. All the men in life were gone in a two week period of time.He felt empty without a father and I wasn't a very good role model either. He got into drugs really bad and was homeless for a while.Now he's 21 and been doing good. Got his GED, a job, and going to college.

Then my mother got him a DNA kit. He called me over the other day to look at the results with him. They enter the results of your DNA into a database and show you if you have any matches with other people who have taken the test too. My son had two matches and they were not related to anyone on my side of the family. I took one of their names and searched for it in Facebook. It said the person lived in Vegas. Even though friend's list are often private sometimes photos albums will list some names so I looked through the persons photos and there he was. I saw someone had made a comment on the photo and they said his name in the comment confirming it was him. Then I used that last name from the original person on the DNA result with his first name in the Facebook search and there was his profile. The 21 year search and wondering was over. 

I told my son to hope for the best but be prepared if he doesn't respond well. I got home and sent him a message. Eventually he messaged back saying he remembered me. Then he called me. It was thrilling and confusing. The dream I'd had of one day finding him was happening, but it had changed.  I had moved on. I had my own family. I answered my phone and we talked for a bit about where we are in our lives and he told me he can't wait to meet my son and he has an entire new family that will be equally excited to me him. I've never talked to his dad again and I don't need to. My son talks to him all the time now and has met with other members of his family we found out that live nearby. His brother and himself look like twins and it's almost spooky. They put a lot of emphasis on family and feel my son has missed out not having a dad so they are very welcoming to him.

I'm still kind of in shock from it all. I honestly thought we would never find his dad. I'm glad I was wrong.

 

Comments

CLove's picture

Perhaps you can help me find my biological father and half brother????

Im in shock - that is quite an incredible story.

morrginme's picture

I can try if you want to message me.  I often get asked to find people and i don't mind doing it

Siemprematahari's picture

I'm glad after all this time you found him and that he now is keeping in contact with your son. I wish your son nothing but the best and sending positive vibes. Hopefully they can develop a bond and get to know each other. You handled this well and regardless of whatever happened in the past you did the best you could with what you knew.

Wishing you both well during this journey.

NoWireCoatHangarsEVER's picture

She was adopted and she did the DNA kit and it came back with her mom and half sister.  My coworker is awesome.  She is beautiful and smart and makes amazing money.  She has a beautiful home and a wonderful husband and a great adopted father.  But it's been a disappointing experience for her.  Her half sister never accepted her friend request on facebook.  It's been about a year of messaging only with her mother.  They've never wanted to meet her.  Her birth mom said  she got pregnant at 15 and she never even knew if the baby was a girl or a boy and that her parents made her feel ashamed and sinful.  She's asked about her father and her birth mom said he doesn't know about her existence.  She found a second cousin on the DNA ancestery who said she believes her father is deceased.  I'm so glad this has had a happy ending for your son. 

morrginme's picture

I feel bad her sister won't talk to her.

My son also discovered more half siblings he didnt know he had. One didnt find their dad until she was 15. Then after her mom died she cut off contact with him for the last 2 years. Strange.....i'm glad my son is getting to know him but I still have concerns. I mean I was 16 and he was in his 20's.

SMto2's picture

I'm so relieved that your son finally has the answers he was seeking, AND that his Dad is welcoming him with open arms! I hope he now feels complete and satisfied with his life and they build a good relationship. And those DNA tests are amazing! My DH and I sent our kits in "just for fun" (mainly DH wanted to do it, and I just went along with it!) Then about a year later, our oldest DS asked if he could send in a kit, so I got him one. When his results came back, it showed he had matches to DH and me, and showed with "Extremely High Confidence" we were likely his parents. Although I was the one who sent in his, there was NOTHING submitted that would have identified his father. It was totally matched through the DNA, and it even states how many bands they share! My DH loves to joke that I'm lucky that came back as him as DS's father. ha ha ha. I would be lying if I didn't say I've wondered if there was some way to get oldest SS to send in a kit, as he looks NOTHING whatsoever like DH, youngest SS or my 2 boys with DH (both of whom look just like youngest SS, who could be DH's twin.) Anywho, I'm thrilled for your son and happy to see this technology at work changing people's lives!

justmakingthebest's picture

Last month my mom finally tracked down her biological family on her fathers side. It was like this giant mystery for 60 years! My mom was put up for adoption when she was born. We found her mother's side of the family about 20 years ago. She had died already. It is really crazy to find family you are biologically related to. All of a sudden I have 2 new Uncles, an Aunt and tons of cousins. It is really cool and exciting! I wish the best for your son in all of this!

Healyourslf's picture

Thanks for sharing your wonderful story and for sharing your son in a way that is beneficial for so many.  There are more than enough stories about parents who think only of themselves and PAS their children...so much unecessary division. Your tale is a breath of fresh air.   

May your heart rest easy knowing that your son's father and family are welcoming and loving. You are a good mother for remaining open-hearted. Wishing you, your son and his newly found family the best.