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Never in his room

dirtybiology's picture

I have just been noticing lately that SS7 never hangs out in his room and plays with his toys. He will bring toys into the living room and play with them or into the kitchen where I am doing chores and play with them while talking to me. I don't know if it is just something we have always allowed, but I feel like sometimes I wish he would just play in his room for an hour. I remember being a kid and my dad telling me go in your room or go outside, but we never tell SS7 to do that and I would really like to start. Do you think it is normal for a 7yo to never want to play in his own space?
I just feel lately that I never get to do anything in my dang house without someone following me around constantly talking to me about something.

After wondering about this for a week, DP and I got into a disagreement Sunday in front of SS7 about SS7. When we got home they started watching TV (DP was actually on his computer so only SS was watching TV) in the living room and I went into my bedroom because I didn't feel welcome in my own living room. I wanted to walk in and say okay Im changing the channel to watch something I want to watch go play in your room. However, when I brought it up to DP that I felt confined to the kitchen or my room he said well did you want to do something else? I just said no thanks. Then he asks if I wanted to go in and watch what SS is watching. No, absolutely not. I don't want to ever feel like I can't be somewhere in my own house. I know that was my choice to feel that way, because it isn't like either one of them said I couldn't be in there but it was just so weird because I was annoyed at SS7, I didn't want to be around him.

dirtybiology's picture

Thank you. I was thinking it's an age thing and maybe when he's older he will never want to leave his room lol. But since I don't have bios I had no idea if it was normal.

The Tyrant's picture

Nope! I came in to ss14s life when he was 7 and he is as clingy now as he was then. Every time i wanted to smooch with the wife, his mommy/girlfriend, he had to be all up in the biz. STILL DOES! LOL! I wish he would be a normal, pouty teenager who never leaves his room but he always comes around wantinf to do whatever anyone is trying to do, or do whatever he wants just in the same room. 3 more years til college!!!

dirtybiology's picture

I think it was more upsetting because I felt like I wasn't welcome in my own living room. It's MY living room. Not his.

dirtybiology's picture

I don't really understand it either. Maybe the previous argument? It was really weird for me to feel that way.

The Tyrant's picture

Me, myself, allowed that to turn me into a little bit of a jerk. I just walk in and change the channel... lol! Sorry... my line is "I didnt pay $800 for a tv to watch cartoons OR to watch football on a 32 in in my bedroom... GO PLAY!!" LOL!!

The Tyrant's picture

Just want to make sure i do include that "Im going to settle my things and then I'm coming back to watch whatever so there is fair warning, and no negotiation. I'm still even such an a-hole about that if i just waslk in and sit, someone will say "oh, you can turn" and I respond "I know..." Lol! Blum 3 Biggrin

robin333's picture

When you buy the tv and pay the mortgage of the home that houses the tv, then you can decide what gets watched on tv.

My DD was also wanted to be involved at that age, versus being alone.

dirtybiology's picture

I love that response haha.
I'm glad to know its a normal age thing.

robin333's picture

No reason for you to feel uncomfortable. I learned I had to speak for myself, like excuse me, that's my seat (which SD knew) and no, we don't call shotgun here. Always, just a polite reminder. Smile

I remember we did get DD a small tv for her room when she was 6 so she could watch dvd s like Nemo and Wizard of Oz before bed (from 8 to 830ish) which allowed some adult alone time.

dirtybiology's picture

He is pretty good at cleaning them up at the end of the week but there are definitely toys all over during our time share week.

dirtybiology's picture

I actually don't mind it so much on our kid-on week, I already expect my house to be a little bit of a disaster. His room is connected to the living room though, so I will just slide everything (hardwood floors) from the living room floor to his room.

dirtybiology's picture

I said this above already but Im not really sure why I felt that way. I am thinking it was because the previous argument where DP disagreed with me in front of SS on something about SS. I felt like I was no longer part of the group. The argument wasn't exactly in ear shot of him but something happened and then DP and I walked away and had a disagreement in which body language would have said we weren't happy with each other. And it happened literally right after something SS did and I got mad at him for. And he just stood there across the room until we finished the discussion and DP walked over to him and took him to play and I walked the opposite way.

My dad did the same thing when I was younger and I feel like now it is my turn to get to do it haha.

Monchichi's picture

Interesting topic. PPP can play by herself since she was 2. BabyD likes you in the room but plays by herself. She can already play independently for about 20 minutes. Chucky cannot even poop without needing someone near by. I think it's how you raise your children. Either they are independent and can play by themselves or they can't. It's what you teach them that affects this.

I happen to like my girls independence.

The Tyrant's picture

I agree with how on you raise them. I said above that ss14 is just as clingy to his mom now as he was at 7 and its because from birth, I guess, they slept in the same bed and she did EVERYTHING with and for him. Age 1-4 really sets the pace for what people will be when they grow up. I love that my bios, 4 and 6, are independent.

dirtybiology's picture

So maybe I should slowly start implementing the go play in your room for xyz long idea?

The Tyrant's picture

Definitely! But it only provide momentary relief, sometimes it works, sonetimes it wont.

SecondGeneration's picture

Is SS an only child? The reason I ask is SD5 is and she seems to struggle playing alone or even with other children. Shes the kid that would rather shadow the adults, or sit and do little crafts with adults than play with other children. Including us, despite having a mountain of toys.

We decided to split her toys up, we went through everything and got rid of anything she deemed too childish. Anything messy or with small pieces (colouring pens, school practice books, lego, jigsaw puzzels, etc) stay downstairs in a small cabinet. And everything else is up in her bedroom, we also bought a music player so she could put on her various kids-cds in her room. If she is downstairs then she is either playing with something from that cabinet, busy with us or watching tv, the rest of the time shes playing in her room.
To start with she would only be up there a few minutes at the time, because she wasnt used to being on her own. And yes, sometimes she would rather be colouring in the kitchen whilst im busy cooking or cleaning because she wants to be nearby.
Nowadays we can loose her to her bedroom for quite some time if we arent going somewhere.

We do have a tv in our bedroom but our room is a no-go zone for SD5.

If SD5 is watching tv downstairs and I am busy with something and I want to watch something else, its simple, I'll tell SD that once her programmes finished I am going to be watching something so she needs to go play or entertain herself. That being said Im not really a tv person and we try to limit SD5s tv time as she (like most kids) could sit there all day if you let her.

But basically, go through his room, with him, make sure the toys he has are what hes actually going to play with. Anything he doesnt want anymore either sell on or donate to charity. Make his room a bit more interesting, dont forget as young kids they are only in their rooms to sleep and all they see from adults rooms are places to sleep.
If you think hes watching too much tv then change household rules, in our house the tv is not on during the week until after bathtime for literally the last 30 mins- 1 hour before bed. At the weekend we let SD watch about an hour of tv in the mornings then again its off till after dinner. If you take away the tv and a games console you will be surprised how quickly he will have to think up new games once he is done sulking.

dirtybiology's picture

He is an only child at our house. Not at BMs. We have a TV in our room too but it's also a no child zone. Thanks for the room advice we've been slowing getting rid of baby toys. We need to work on it a little more.

Lisabrick13's picture

When my SS (at 10) came to live with us full time we made an effort to decorate his room in a way that he felt welcome and comfortable there. He has his own (small) flat screen, Xbox One (with limited account settings and limited times he can play with VERY strict parental controls), his room has been slowly decorated with both our money AND HIS chore money to his tastes. He has his gaming section, WWE posters, art "gallery" Smile and football fan section. He goes back and forth from (how he words it) "going into his turtle shell"/sticking in his bedroom for days on end, or hanging out with me (typically not his dad, his dad can be emotionally cold and doesn't show/feign much interest in his ways). Which MAY BE why the boy sticks to YOU so much. He may feel closer or more comfortable around you, depending on what your family dynamics are. Each child is different. My SS is hitting puberty and becoming a little more hermity (hence the parental controls), his BM is a drug addict who just randomly abandoned him last year and he's had a large adjustment to make. I also grew up with a lot of the changes HE is going through so I try to relate and be as understanding as possible.

SM12's picture

Its common for little boys that age to stick to your side like glue. At least he isn't leaving the room everytime you enter. That typically comes in the early teens. hahaha

I understand you not feeling welcome in your own space. I felt that way a lot with my SS's. They would come in, take over the TV and lay all over the couches with no room for me. I finally got sick of it and started taking the remote and changing the channel if there was something I wanted to watch. I pay the cable bill so I get first dibs.

It would help if you set him up a little play station (not the game) in his room. If he loves drawing, set him up a mini art studio with a desk and some coloring books or paper. If he loves action figures, set him up a action figure area in the corner of his room. IF his room is in a remote part of the house, it could cause him to get scared and want to be near you. Its normal. But so are your feelings. Next time SS has the TV taken over, let him finish the show he was watching and then tell him "after this show we are going to change the channel so you can go play in your room with your toys if you want."

He will eventually get the hang of it.

SM12's picture

Its common for little boys that age to stick to your side like glue. At least he isn't leaving the room everytime you enter. That typically comes in the early teens. hahaha

I understand you not feeling welcome in your own space. I felt that way a lot with my SS's. They would come in, take over the TV and lay all over the couches with no room for me. I finally got sick of it and started taking the remote and changing the channel if there was something I wanted to watch. I pay the cable bill so I get first dibs.

It would help if you set him up a little play station (not the game) in his room. If he loves drawing, set him up a mini art studio with a desk and some coloring books or paper. If he loves action figures, set him up a action figure area in the corner of his room. IF his room is in a remote part of the house, it could cause him to get scared and want to be near you. Its normal. But so are your feelings. Next time SS has the TV taken over, let him finish the show he was watching and then tell him "after this show we are going to change the channel so you can go play in your room with your toys if you want."

He will eventually get the hang of it.

ctnmom's picture

My oldest and my youngest could play alone for hours. My middle one? She could also play independently, but wanted to be in the same room with you. Either way was fine by me. CTBBSS38 could play for HOURS by himself, once he made a snow fort and that thing was making me so nervous I kept thinking it was going to cave in lol! When his lips AND nose turned blue I lured him in with some hot chocolate.

silversong's picture

I feel like I could have written this whole blog. My SS7 also RARELY plays in his room and it's full of toys. He is constantly bringing handfuls of legos out and playing with them in the living room (I made a "no toys in the kitchen" rule awhile ago - you can claim safety issues with that one). It drives me nuts.

As far as the TV issue goes, he definitely will dominate the living room TV if left unattended. Once I've had enough or think he's watched enough TV I just say it's time to shut the TV off and do something else. DH never argues.