My step daughter is a snotty little brat, and I can't stand it anymore.
Hello, I'm looking to maybe get some advice on how to handle this situation. I am at my wits end at this point. I am the mother of a 4 year old boy and he knows my husband as his dad and its all fine there, but I have a step daughter from him and she is a terror. Her mother always gives her everything she wants. She is the most spoiled child I have ever met. She is ungrateful for everything my husband has done and continues to do for her. She is mean to him and lies about us constantly to her mothers side of the family.
Her mom thinks a stern talking to is considered abuse. We can not make the child see that her lying is a bad thing because she never gets discipline of any kind. We never yell at her, shes never been spanked and is always getting everything she wants on her mothers side. But my husband doesn't help because he never changes what hes doing to try and get through to her. He's fed up as well, but than forgives all the horrible mean things because hes doesn't want her to be so upset that he cant talk to her, but so far simply telling her, "I'm disappointed." and telling her, means nothing. She is rude and lies constantly and at this point I'm pretty damn resentful because he kisses her ass and perpetuates this behavior but doesn't see it that way. She has him wrapped around her finger and it makes me sad to see him get his heartbroken with the things she says. Shes so mean and has no respect for anyone at all. I never even talk to her about what i think because I'm already perceived as the evil step mother. It upsets me that I can not treat her like my own child and that she is put on such a pedestal. I'm afraid at some point my son will see how unfair that it is that we treat them so different. I just wish there was some consistency or fairness but there is none. I'm so wore out, but any time I state my opinion he thinks I am wrong. I feel like my heads gonna explode. I feel so angry with the situation and honestly my husbands lack of backbone with her makes me lose some respect for him. Hes usually so firm and stable and a great dad to my son, but with her its so different. I get why, but I wish he would lose the sweetsy mentality with her because ultimately he's not doing her any favors by sparing her feelings all the time. Any advice. Please no hate. I need real solid advice, I'm not sure if I should just let it roll and let him do what hes doing, or try something else. I feel like my hands are so tied and I have never been more frustrated. Thank you for reading.
-C
Expecting your husband to
Expecting your husband to treat the kids the same isn't realistic. Your son is not his child. It is only natural that he will treat his child better that his stepkid.
Your husband is making the CHOICE not to discipline his daughter. She is the product of his poor parenting.
The OP's son is 4, not the
The OP's son is 4, not the SD.
The 9 year old girl is rude and disrespectful. Her father is making the CHOICE not to discipline for her behavior. That is poor parenting. The continues the poor behavior, because she has been taught that her dad is a piss poor parent.
Her behavior is a reflection of his lack of parenting.
You and you hubby need to get
You and you hubby need to get on the same page with creating a plan to discipline your step child. If your husband does not get on board and he allows this to continue things will never change. Discipline consistently each and ever time with no exception.. no hitting but consequences. If you don't do this then no TV later.. or time outs work.. it doesn't matter what you do as long as you are consistent.
Bottom line is this is your DH's responsibility and he is not stepping up. He is allowing it. Is he parenting based on guild perhaps because he doesn't see the child every day.. ?He maybe feels like he doesn't want to upset the child during the time at his home.
Counseling will help you all put a plan into place and it will be up to you hubby to stick to it. You don't have much control of the situation unfortunately.
"Please go away. You are
"Please go away. You are being nasty and horrible. I do not have time to put up with your nonsense."
"Really? And what will you do now? I do not believe you." *Turn and get on with whatever you were doing*
"Stop slamming doors or you will lose your bedroom door. NO ONE in this house slams doors."
"If you choose to tell lies to your parents go for it. But I do not believe a thing you say."
And you ask DH (because she will go running to her father for sure) "Are you married to me or her mother? When she is here you allow her to run the show. Either you are in love with your daughter or you are a lazy parent. Time to choose what kind of father you want to be. And by the way, does she behave like this in school? Does she have ANY friends?"
TOTALLY leave your son out of it. This has nothing to do with him. This is about you drawing your line in the sand. Because eventually the time will come when you will have to choose. A life that is periodically disrupted as your DH hemorrhages money towards his daughter or an life where you never have to deal with the witch-in-training ever again.
I totally understand where
I totally understand where you are coming from. I've been in a relationship if you can call it that for 11 years dealing with this same problem. His daughter is 20 and I've had to deal with being disrespected and have felt alone this whole time. He started letting her call the shots years ago which just made things much worse. She can do no wrong ever. She lives 3 hours away and comes into our lives when she feels like it at which point he f course drops everything. Regardless if it's my birthday we had other plans or anything. Worse thing is I have a child who never seems important to any of his family. We get put on the back burner all the time while she gets put on a pedestal. It's very sad too because she uses him something terrible. Never spends an actual holiday with us bc her real family(mom and step dad and two other siblings) are always the priority. She literally gets here and leaves in 24 hours every time. He has financially supported her since he and the ex split He is only an equal parent it seems when money is concerned. It's so sad that even on days Like Father's Day she even bows him off. No respect. But yet he will ruin our relationship over this I never waned her out of our life but over guilt (not being in her life daily) I've watched him ruin his life a and pretty much mine for 11 years. She gives him so little time and effort and I watch him suffer but cant help but just wish he would see that there are two people who love him and want his love and time. My son was two when we met. They could have an amazing relationship but he held back out of guilt. No we are paying the price. I thought time would help. That we could love him through it. But he will never move past not her around everyday and I honestly wish I would have realized it sooner bc my son and I deserved more
As it pertains to your
As it pertains to your situation. I doubt he will get backbone Anytime soon. You might deal with this forever. For me sand crap for 11 years and I've treated him so well. It gets you no where. U will most likely always lose this fight. Based on what you say. He'd rather fight with you. Same for me. I think it's easier to blame us then think their kid is a selfish brat. Good luck. I feel for you I know how awful it feels