has YOUR family ever been the issue?
Newlywed here and now have two skids a boy and a girl. The kids are good generally we get along but I did not marry my husband who was my high school sweetheart for them. I love my time with him and help with skids on their 2-3 (rotating schedule) nights a week we have with them at a reasonable level. They are generally good kids and I enjoy some family time but feel no obligation to them nor care to teach them many life-lessons not my job.
My family however, including my Mom are hounding me to bring them to their family stuff. Mom has even gone above me and called hubby to invite him and kids and told him to let me know it's happening. I do not spend all of the kids visitation with them I do my own thing and do not appreciate her doing this AT ALL. This is my family not theirs and I see no reason to include them also since family lives in a neighboring town I like to take the opportunity to skip out a little early and visit friends since I'm not always down there (about an hour away) can't do that if I bring kids.
Mom, aunts and grandparents are calling me the mean evil stepmother since I do not include them in everything. They think I should ask BM for extra time if we don't have them during family stuff what why would she; and she is a good Mom give up her time to bond with you?? that's crazy to me. I have told them not to buy them any christmas presents and they think I am being rude to them and mean to skids by depriving them. Umm no they are not your family we are not going to have them during your celebration so they won't feel left out and No i will not be making special trips to your homes so they can get presents they don't deserve from people they don't know. What kind of message is that? I think it's ridiculous and tells them that everyone owes you something for nothing. Mom said I should teach them gratfulness and help them make crafts for everyone as their presents. I don't want to bond with them in that way I don't want to sit and do crafts with them I don't want to teach them life lessons WTH! It makes me want to skip going to be with them altogether I can't believe they feel this way and I don't understand at all.
Well. My mom treats sd like
Well. My mom treats sd like she does all of her other grandkids.
She does invite us to every family gathering and always includes sd and misses her when she can't be there, but is understanding when she can't and never interferes.
My Mom has no grandkids so
My Mom has no grandkids so maybe that is part of it? That does not give the rest of them excuses though.
I am still undecided but
I am still undecided but leaning more towards not having them. The craziest part is my Mom has a ten year old from her most recent marriage that she has to raise can't she use any of that energy towards him lol.
I agree that it is nice that
I agree that it is nice that they feel this way to include and shows they care about me but the time that DH has with his kids is very very limited on holidays and they spend that time with his family. His side of the family would probably be a little annoyed that their very limited time with them on holidays is spent with my family. I feel that their just doing this for show in a way anyway since before we were married it was all don't get involved with his kids too much you always said you didn't want any why are you dating him and so forth. Now I am expected to do it all and let them in as well when they never approved of the relationship is hard to swallow.
Thanks for the advice I hope
Thanks for the advice I hope that it will blow over. I am just so confused by the sudden change of heart and immediate backlash on me that it has put me off of the holidays already. Maybe it will just be me and my dogs this year they don't have anywhere else to be!
They are younger 6 boy and 7
They are younger 6 boy and 7 girl. I have brought them around a couple times and it was uncomfortable, my family trying to force family down on them was something they didn't seem to like the younger one whined the whole time and the older one just kept trying to get me alone to play with her away from everyone else. Could they get used to them yeah sure but I am also thinking of protecting my family as well, they are nice caring people and I don't want them to be seen as just a source of presents because I can assure you that's all they would be seen as.
I totally understand where
I totally understand where you are coming from. I am a newlywed too and I spent all last weekend with my grandparents introducing him to all their friends as their FIRST great grand son .......then I chimed in and said "yeah and I didn't even have to push him out!" So that they knew he wasn't mine since they weren't saying STEP great grand son. I am still pissed off about it and they always email me to bring him over anytime, and my parents are just as loving. Sure its nice but it pisses me off. But like NoAlias said .....it does provide cover for me to wander off and do what I want at times. But yea the grandparents saying he's their first great grand son kinda hurt since he isn't even their family at all. So I guess they will call my first child with DH their SECOND when it's really their FIRST ???
Yup I once heard my Mom tell
Yup I once heard my Mom tell people she is now a grandmother for the first time I said little bro is kind of young to be having girlfriends. She didn't like that. I can completly understand why that would annoy you.
I am not sure your family is
I am not sure your family is a problem. My parents accepted my Skid (SS-22) as their grandson on day one. His mom and I married the week before he turned 2yo. My brother and his wife are my Skid's aunt and uncle, my niece and nephews are is cousins. I never pushed it on my family. They just did it.
I would say if your family wants to accept your Skid's as their family members then that is the choice that those people make and you need to stay out of it. If they want to buy gifts for your skids and include them in family events then that is not your call it is theirs.
I completely agree with you that if your family events fall on BMs time with your Skids then your kids do not go to that family event. You and your DH go.
If your family includes your Skids and gives them gifts then sit with your kids to guide them in writing a thank you card and sending thank you cards to your family.
There is no need for you to turn this in to a big disagreement with your family. There is no life lesson in this for the SKids other than the thank you cards which is what polite people do.
IMHO of course.
I am happy that blended
I am happy that blended families work for some and that is great for your parents to accept your skid. The thing is I am simply not interested in happy blended family at this point. Especially considering that these same people were not shy about their disapproval of me dating someone that had kids in the first place. I want to retain my life in little ways away from skids. Like I said I take the opportunity of visiting family to see friends as well, shop and generally get out of a kid house.
I am not interested in sitting with skids to make thank you notes or crafts, I respect them and take care of them while they are there but really use their visits as a little break from hubby too. I do not resent them and if you were to ask them I am a good step-mom, I have heard them tell friends this. But I am not interested in happy blended family, they have a family two of them.
I completely understand. I
I completely understand. I never did crafts with my Skid either. I did make him do thankyou cards though.
I think the difficult part of your situation is that your family is choosing to accept and interface with your Skids. Their call, not yours unfortunately.
Keep your life separate as much as possible but if the Skids are on visitation with their dad at the time your family is having an event and someone invites the kids .... so be it. If you don't want to be there with the kids then don't attend.
IMHO of course.
My mom asked me if the kids
My mom asked me if the kids should call her grandma. Holy shitbags! I was like 'hell no'. My dad thinks I'm pretty much ruining my own life. No comment.