Worried my relationship will end because of step children issues.
I have registered on here in the hope I can get some friendly and kind advice, I have recently lost my father so I am feeling a tad delicate. I will try to brief - I have been with my partner for 11 years he as 2 step children (now yound adults) who live with their mother (his ex) they have always tolerated me and made it clear they do not want to establish any form of relationship with either me or my 2 children (around the same age) they have never been rude to me just treated with me indifference. I have always tried very hard to get on with them and join in with any activities/take them on holiday etc but it has always been difficult, they simple act very quiet and we get 'yes/no' responses from them, conversation has always been difficult. There father met me shortly after he left their mum so I guess they see me as part of the reason they never got back together. I get on very well with my partners family who warned me from the outset his children are very spoilt and demand 100% off his time and attention. Ater 10 years myself and my children have acceted we will never have a great relationship with them and it has stagnated at we see them once a year at Christmas on Boxing Day. They choose not to visit but see their Dad for meals regularly fortnightly, I now feel I cannot attend due their obvious attitude I am invisible. Not once in 10 years have either of them thanked me for their presents (I always pay half) thanked me for the huge buffet I do them (and pay for) each year or even send me a Xmas card or wish me a happy Christmas. It makes me very sad. Things have now come to a head as my partner and I have been paying for his ex's property for the last 10 years (under mortgage) due to kids being under 18, no court involved it was the right thing to do as she only worked part time, the house is in his name. he has always explained to them from the age of around 15 that when they both became adults the house would have to be sold as we could not pay for it indefinately, my daughter started University 3 years ago and this has put a huge strain on our finances as we receive only part assistance (his daughter and son get full due to their mum being single on low income) they have both always said they understood and were okay with this. My partner put the house up for sale last year and received no interest, house sales around here have practically stopped currently, we had no choice but to move in temporarily and give up our rented property so we were only paying for one house. My partner explained to both of his kids the reason and it was temporary only until it can be sold it also needed a lot of work doing to it which we are in the process of doing as we think this was hindering the sale. All appeared okay. Gradually his step daughter has distanced herself from him and stopped replying to his messages/calls etc. Xmas was approaching and I told my partner I was starting to feel a little uncomfortable with things as it appeared all was not well, In advised him to talk to her. Shortly after this my father suddenly passed away I was very close to my Dad and to say I am devastated does not come close. SD was aware of this and therefore I am so angry and upset that she chose that week just after his death to call my partner and call him a useless father, she stated he never puts them first and me and my kids always come first (opposite is true) she said he has never been there for her and she is disgusted with us both for moving into the house (I do understand this) she had a long rant about I make no effort with them etc. my partner was in tears when she ended the call. I was furious. My partner has been there 24/7 for them both too much so I think hence they do not understand he has other people to think of (his mum has Alzeimers and he is carer as well as working) her timing is what has upset me so much, I have had so much to deal with over Christmas, losing my dad, arranging his funeral and now I have all the Probate stuff to deal with. She refused to come and see us Boxing Day as usual and stated ' I used to be a child and had to do things I didn't want to now I don't' my partner then left me alone on Boxing Day to take them both out for dinner. I feel so hurt and angry. Angry at her for causing do much upset at a very difficult time and angry at my partner for not fighting my corner. If this had been my kids they would have got a severe talking to re the inappropriateness of the timing and the fact I have always been kind and welcoming to his kids. We are in the situation now where she has not apologised to either of us even though she is fully aware why we had to move in (cannot say I was happy about it! Its plain weird living here) and she has been so selfish her dad is always there for her, he cares for his mum works FT and he has supported me with my father through his ill health. Currently I have no contact with his kids, he is due to go out with them later this week and I feel so upset and hurt. I have asked him why has he never sat them down and gave them a talking to about their treatment of me but all I get is 'I don;t know what to do' I am tired of being treated this way and he does nothing to support me. Sorry this is no long a potted 10 year history. I am not unsympathetic to how she feels re the house its weird for us too! I would also piont out even though his ex was not joint owner he have her half the equity, we have taken out a joint loan to pay her!!