When SM stops reminding her DH
After some attempts at being nice to my DH's DD'S I decided to pull back completely months ago.
The attitudes toward me helped me realize not to waste anymore of my time.I'm the type of person who will try but if I get bit once or twice for no apparent reason,I'm done.Like many wives I would usually remind DH of upcoming birthdays out of consideration and love for my DH.I'd include his children and grands in holiday gift giving,etc.I have stopped,disengaged and only worry about my own bio's,DH,other family members now.It has taken weight off my shoulders.I don't regret the decision to stop.It became more trouble than it was worth and an opening for other issues unfortunately.
Well,guess what happened after I stopped reminding DH?He forgot his Grandson's birthday yesterday.
Now his DD is upset with him because he forgot.The other DD scolded DH for forgetting.
DH told me she was telling him not to use excuses for forgetting and was basically verbally slapping DH's hand.DH stated he isn't worried about it but the look on his face said otherwise.I feel bad for DH.However,I can't continue to make effort towards these people by reminding him of anything in regards to his kids.Or going out of my way for them.I didn't make that decision lightly.I guess maybe I feel a bit guilty because it was a child's b-day he forgot but don't plan to start the reminding again.
DH never seemed to appreciate my effort.DH excuse making and other usual guilt Dad tactics of denial thrown at me on a regular basis was another reason I stopped.Something has changed though and it's not as bad as it used to be.He almost never discusses them with me anymore(I'm not complaining).He made a comment to me not long ago about how he didn't think he was shoving me down their throat or them down my throat.Something happened I'm not aware of.DH did not come up with it on his own because it went from extreme to almost nothing overnight.It's good it has improved but it wasn't because of anything I said.So of course now and then I wonder what brought the changes about but keep quite about it and enjoy the silence.Phone calls and conversations are rarely had with his kids unless he is away from home the past few months I've noticed too.I have posted about skid,DH situations before in the past and have suspicions they may have been seen but don't want to go into that any further on this post.
The SD's really don't realize the wives of their Fathers a lot of times are the reason Dad remembers these dates,do they?Especially if there are many dates to remember.They know DH has a tendency to forget.A call or reminder text from them would have helped and he told DD exactly that.I believe perhaps they think DH had been remembering the dates on his own the past few years and expected that to continue?I realize they want recognition from DH not me.Now it has went back to the norm before I became involved in the reminding,gift giving process.DH forgetting or not sending gifts.That is DH's choice.They are his children.
Sometimes though, I get the impression the DD's subconsciously enjoy having reasons for anger with DH and get satisfaction from "scolding"or giving silent treatment to their Father.This bothers me despite the problems DH and I have had over skid issues.I look for retaliation on Father's Day(No call)and hope DH doesn't go fishing for sentiment or recognition the closer it comes to Father's Day.He has done this before and it is hard to see and hear.It affects his attitude at home for a few days as well when these incidents occur.
He has allowed them the upper hand for many years.Guilt trips,perpetual victim-hood,demands.I can understand the DD being hurt and disappointed DH forgot the child's birthday but why not talk with DH instead of stewing in anger?No one is perfect.DH has went out of his way the past couple of years to meet their expectations.If he says he can't do something or he forgets something they expect? All he has done not long ago seems forgotten now.It's frustating.It's like one step foward,two back with these people at times.I can see,hear DH tiring of some of DD's behaviors that have been directed at him lately.The anger and scolding directed toward DH for this or that is becoming a regular happening.I fear a blow out before the year is up.I fear a back sliding from DH which is the worst thing he could do.It will never change if he does.
What are the experiences here of SM's/Dad Wives who have chosen to stop being the event/occasion organizer and calendar for their DH's?What was the step's reaction toward their Father if or when he forgot as many men do?Did it spill over to you from either DH's or his kids?I've read on here problems escalate before they get better during disengagement from SD's in particular.I'm curious because I can't see myself re-engaging past being civil during occasional visits here.It would bring too much drama I don't need in my life to do other wise.Sorry so long...