Ahhh you were bound to be blamed anyways... Hopefully at least you feel better now.

I don't think you were in the wrong. In the future though, don't be friends with her on Facebook. Unfriend and block her. Adjust your settings so you can't see what she says.

That said, you were absolutely within your rights to make your feelings known to her. Especially if she knew/knows finances are tight for you guys right now. She sounds like an insensitive person.

No you were not out of line. You were probably in the wrong on one point though. You took far to long to put the rude little bitch in her place.

My suggestion to you if it's not too late, is not to act sheepish or contrite over this to dh. Stand strong and tell him if he'd done hs jb as a parent properly you wouldn't have had to do to for him. And, if he thinks your prepared to put up with him being summoned by sd to discuss his wife, he'd better think again. The only thing left to be discussed by him with Sd, is her publically humiliating you and him on Facebook.

You've done it now. You were right to do so. Stand your ground. This nonsense of defacto couples expecting other people to pay for the big white virgin wedding is bullshit. She's a common law wife living in a defacto relationship, daddy is an idiot for paying anything towards her wedding.

Hopefully you haven't given her the grand yet. If not insist that husband tell her its not forthcoming. Many kids now-a-days are not even asking as in reality the brides parents paying for the wedding is just a form of dowry which is insulting to the bride in todays western world.

Absolutely make a post to her Facebook page and then withdraw friendship and never go back. Block her from all social sites of your own as well as email and phone (ask your cell provider how to do this).

If you have a cell phone or camera, take a pic of the post on facebook in case she deletes it or save a copy to your documents on your computer. That way you are assured your DH reads this. She could delete it.
Sorry, this sounds waaaaaay too familiar.

No way were you out of line. I can see biting your tongue when kids are kids but she is no kid, she is a grown adult and if she wants to lie about your contribution on FB knowing you and your husband can see it, she shouldn't expect the replies to be all sunshine and flowers. I so hope you didn't send the check yet and that your husband will back you on at the very least cutting it in half. But if not, let that be the very last dime she ever gets from you both. After all, she will be a married woman, let her husband deal with her. And as someone else said, think of this as a good thing, you never ever again have to be near her. good riddance.

You did not overstep and you are not judgmental.

Since she claims she is paying for the entire wedding herself, I would take that to mean that she declines the offer of the $1000.00.

Big weddings are a waste of money, in my opinion, but at 24 and having lived with her BF for 6 years, you would think they would have saved some of their own money to put towards it.

Once I moved out of my dad's house, I didn't expect him to pay for anything. He paid for my sister's wedding so it's not like he wasn't willing, but she did not demand a certain amount and she worked within his budget. We were not raised to be entitled little bitches, so maybe that's the difference.

I think a grown woman should be grateful for any amount that anybody is willing to help her with, or she should just shut up.

You are so lucky she doesn't want anything to do with you anymore. If your DH does not support you to SD separate finances as soon as possible. That way if he caves in again HE will be footing the bill. Too bad you couldn't write a 'public' reply on her facebook page. She sounds like my SD - totally entitled and obnoxious. Is she an only child?

That's it. I'm going to send my SO to this site. Too many of us go through the SAME situations. I felt so isolated and alone before coming here. SO and I have, in addition to paying (MORE than enough) child support, doled out gas money, paid for cell phone bills, purchased prom dresses, sports equipment, but SO is commonly referred to on social media as the "sperm donor". Oh, and I'm the psycho b**** because I didn't allow the OSD to tell her father to go effffff himself in my house. And NOW OSD is acting all nice and kissing up because she's expecting an engagement ring any day. I'm sure she's expecting Daddy to foot the bill for the elaborate princess wedding she "deserves". Ugh.

It's HER wedding - it's HER expense.

Whatever anyone is willing to gift her, should be enough. What a bitch.

You did the right thing and in the future I wouldn't give her a dime towards anything else.

Lol, did she ask you to pay for anything for her wedding or did she ask her parent? Your obligations to her are zero, and while you have joint financials with her actual parent, you're not her parent. The decision to give $1,000 was made jointly between you and your SO, but the request was made to her parent. Your opinion was not requested and was not well received in an already strained relationship.

northstreet, you are 100% right. She should not have lied on social media to try to strong arm her dad for more money. You were right to call her on it. You handled it far better than I would have. IF DH gives her any additional money, he will teach her that it is OK and profitable to behave this way.

We bought OSD's dress for her. She never came straight out and asked for more, but like you, a lot of Facebook references to how broke she was and how stressed she was, etc. she did simplify a little, at constant urging from me and her aunt, who paid to have it catered (sandwich trays, potato salad, that kind of thing) because SD and her husband were both making minimum wage and just didn't get you can't do champagne on beer budget. There was lots of poor me over that. Of course BM contributed zero. At this time she was on the outs and the woman didn't even show up for her own kid's wedding.
It was hard for me to have alot of sympathy, honestly. Mind you, when I married her dad we were broke and I spent $125 on my j.c. Penneys dress and that was pushing it. We kept it simple (read cheap!) and my friends and I catered it with simple finger foods and the reception was in our church basement. it wasnt my dream wedding but it sure was nice having a nice egg to put down on pur first house. I didn't dream of begging money off of anyone, to include my dad. He did take me and my new hubs, along with my family, out to a really fancy shmancy dinner out. It was a fabulous treat.
You get what you get, and you don't throw a fit. Basic kindergarten life lessons these adults don't understand.

On the positive side, Northstreet, consider this: Imagine what all her FB friends think of her self-centered whining! I can bet they are thinking the same thing all of us here are - what a bunch of crap and what a spoiled whiney bitch. I'm sure there are a good number of her "friends" who are paying their own way in life, or have been raised to be self-sufficient. And when they look at her posts they are probably as disgusted as you and us. The only thing she is succeeding at is making herself look like a jackass to the world.

Yes, what does DH think? 'Cuz that could be a problem.

You certainly did not do the wrong thing. So often theses stepdaughters manipulate theirs fathers into anything they want, knowing their dads are scared of losing them. The old saying is the apple doesn't fall far from the tree, quite often the mother of SD will be of like nature. Chin up Northstreet, I'm going through a similar down on myself for losing it also, but so many people on this forum have made me realise we are only human

Ask him if he could pick his balls up while he's there, as now she s getting married she should have no need for two sets.
You did the right thing. If he's so scared of her that's hs problem, don't make it yours. Cut her out of your life. Your dh won't be able to deal with her on his own, they never can. You won't have to attend her wedding, but you make damn sure you have plans with family or friends while he attends it. Have a weekend away, anything but let him and her think you are sitting home alone.

This is a little off track, but this post just had me thinking about young men and women of today.

The tradition of daddy paying for a wedding began in years gone by when women were a financial burden on a man, when women weren't allowed to work and had to be kept first by her father then her husband. Hence daddy handing over his daughter and a dowry and 5 cows as way of thanking the guy for taking over that financial responsibility. Women then, left their fathers house to be married.

Now, today women work, often daddy has paid for an expensive education, (there's your modern day dowry), and women can earn as much and sometimes more than a man. Women, move in with as many men as they like and try out one or two or 22 if they want before they marry.

In modern times though many young people want it all. They want to live as a married couple sometimes for years before they marry. Then they expect daddy to pick up the tab, interestingly the men they live with have no shame in accepting this either. They to seem to think it's acceptable. I don't think a man who expects another man to pay for his wedding in this day and age is a man.

The other issue today and again. It's just more entitlement attitude. An engagement, is a promise of a marriage to come. Rings and gifts are given based on the promise of marriage. If I give you a toaster to help you set up your home when you get married. I don't expect you to use it when your shacking up with Tom, then expect another gift for your next engagement when you and Tom fall apart and Freddy is the man of the moment. If you break that promise, gifts that were given to you, cash or toasters etc., are supposed to be sent back to the person who gave them to you. These days they open up the gifts and use them. The marriage doesn't take place and they get a toaster, cash, etc. for nothing. Who do they think they are keeping gifts that were intended to help them set up a home together based on the fact they told us they were getting married. Now I wonder, do they think if they told people we are going to shack up together and try before we buy, that we would hand over cash and presents. NO! If you were honest, we wouldn't give you presents for moving in together. So what makes you think it's okay to keep the engagement presents and cash yet never marry.

I did like you and finally had it after so many years of disrespect and hate from my stepsons. Stepson did just like your step daughter and said he wanted nothing more to do with me (and his dad) and said we would never know his child as grand parents. He told us we were terrible parents, said he wanted nothing more to do with us. I never contacted him again. My husband has but they only email form time to time. I told my husband I was done with his sons and he understood.

Did you over step your boundaries, not in my opinion. You did what any normal human being would do after so much frustration. It sounds to me that the daughter is seeking sympathy and hoping someone will pay for all her wishes with this wedding. Like your thinking, after 6 years living with this guy I don't know why they can't pay for their own expenses. Do they both work or are they going to school?

I have 2 daughters who are grown and married. We did not have funds to pay for any expensive wedding and we let the girls know this. Both chose simple garden weddings at home homes and kept the expenses to a minimum. We did all the prep ourselves, cake was bought at Walmart, pics taken by a family member. I told my middle daughter that too many people spend a fortune on their wedding day and then the ceremony last only a few minutes. Afterwards she told me she was surprised how quickly the ceremony went. A family member timed it- 7 minutes!