UPDATE: CHRISTMAS WITHOUT STEPDRAMA
After venting on this forum for the last several months, everything is right in our world. COVID, although the scourge of our daily existence, serindipidously has brought my BK's closer to me as three of the four moved home prior to holiday season.
My SO spent Christmas Eve, and half of Christmas Day with three of my biokids (BS24, BS21, BS19), their girlfriends, and me. It was free of drama, and very enjoyable. My BK's really like my SO and vice-versa, and it shows!
My biokids spent the other half of Christmas Day with the parents of my XH, my XH, and BS26. Now that my BKs are over the age of 18, they no longer feel the need to perform the weekabout visitation schedule with my XH. BS26 will visit us for New Year's Eve.
This also was the first year that my SO neither paid for 50% of the groceries for BM's Christmas dinner nor went to the matrimonial home for Christmas dinner with BM.
Regardless of COVID's existence, my SO had already decided to no longer visit the matrimonial home for Thanksgiving, Christmas, and other "family" meals. COVID just helped the situation. As a result, BM had Christmas dinner with SD21 as SD25 had to work.
SS33 and SS29 stayed at home with their SO's and wished both their father and I a Merry Christmas. Perhaps less time spent under BM's thumb has allowed them to accept my place in their father's life; something the SD's will never do.
It is bittersweet that my BK's have a relationship with my SO, while I have little to no relationships with my SK's. Since my SO has come into my life, my BK's are more respectful of me and we live in a harmonious home.
However, I have worked on disengaging myself. I have read quite a number of StepTalk forums and feel for the OP's as they struggle with the constant stepdrama.
However, one thing I learned is that one can't fail if one has no expectations. Happy holidays to all!
Differing relations
My DH has a better relationship with my BKs than I do with his kids, too. It's warmer, more genuine. I get along with my 3 SKs okay but its not the same. I think BM did some PAS whereas my ex wasnt in the picture at all. Oh well.
Sounds like your situation is stabilizing, good!
JRI, you made a good point.
JRI, you made a good point. Both my XH and BM have done some PAS on their respective children.
My own children as teenagers refused to meet my two previous relationship partners out of loyalty to my XH and, so too, my SD's refuse to acknowledge my existence out of loyalty to BM. All of them have stated this outright.
I am wondering if gender has anything to do with it. My BK's are all male, and my SO has two sons and two daughters. Apparently, SD's and SM's have the worst relationship regardless of other factors (ie. PAS).
I am glad that your relationship with your SK's is at least civil and that your DH gets along so well with your BK's. Enjoy your time together.
Cajun Mom, I admire the fact
Cajun Mom, I am glad that your DH is a good influence on your BKs.
I also admire the fact that you are able to walk right by your SK's without saying anything. I am working on disengaging, but to be honest, I would cringe inside if I saw my SO's daughters across the street from me. I wouldn't know what to do.
I have never met his daughters and having been blocked on facebook by at least one of them, they probably wouldn't even recognize me, but still I cringe.
I feel that the juvenile games that they are playing with their father are orchestrated by BM, but who knows; maybe they are really like that themselves. All three of them (BM, SD25, SD21) are regularly catty against other women (ie. try their best to make my SO's sons' wives feel like outsiders).
This, even though they claim to be born again Christians, which I would take to mean tolerance and acceptance. I should at least be glad that I don't need to be part of that hypocrisy and negativity!
Well, your SO has opened up
Well, your SO has opened up the door for all of his kids to heal and move on from their parents' divorce. Perhaps some will, and others will stay in the past protecting "victim" BM, but at least he's not playing that game with them anymore.
It's great when we have
It's great when we have supportive SO's who stop playing the game. Too many posters don't even have that, and that is disappointing. But there is always hope for the future no matter what that future may hold.
Oh yes, the juvenile games
Oh yes, the juvenile games the SDs and their BM play, whether in your presence or not. So immature, and the passive-aggressive behaviors which include being unavailable so as to punish their dad for having a happy life without their mom (and them because of their gamesmanship) in it. In the end, it is they that lose the blessings of a peace-filled life.
Wise words, Missingme.
Wise words, Missingme.
SD's think that they are punishing their father, but in reality they are punishing themselves by not having him in their lives.
Parental alienation is horrible. My children overcame it, and I hope that my SO's daughters overcome it too. Time will tell.