I see this too in my Hubby. When the girls ask, he melts. Luckily, he is able to see their faults (sometimes). But for the most part, I can not mention anything negative about them without wrapping it up in a pretty bow.

Basically, I am saying that it is not WHAT you say to dads about their daughters but HOW you say it.

Instead of saying Bad IOD, "your daughter is a glutton who can't even close her mouth when she eats. She shoves so much food in her mouth at one time, I think she's going to choke"

Good IOD " I am concerned about her relationship with food. She is going to be teased about her weight when she gets into middle school. "

Princess Syndrome.

My Grand daughter's father (not involved with my daughter anymore)had his 24th birthday this week. On the cake was "Daddys Girl". WTF? His daughhter is 3. She won't notice nor can she even read. But his family act like she walks on water.

And so it continues. NOTHING terrifies a father more than losing his princess due to enforcing rules.

As far as your ex is concerned, agree with him. "I know, I know, I know. Oh well. I am sure you are doing your best."
General comments. Don't try to solve his problems. He will only hang up on you or yell at you. how can he do that if yu are agreeing with him?

I agree and have seen this many times with men - both in my own family and in men who I've been involved with. IMO, I think when the relationship between the adult parents is not good, there is the possibility that either or both of the parents will unconsciously (or actively) seek out an emotional 'surrogate' in the child(ren) of the opposite gender. Therefore, you wind up with Daddy's Girls and Mama's Boys. I do think it tends to happen more on the Daddy's Girls side, though. And popular culture just feeds it. For example, just listen to country music (which many men listen to). You can't go 15 minutes without hearing some sappy song that has a "daddy's girl" theme it in. Kind of sick really; it used to be love songs were about men and women. Now it's about men and their daughters!

Sounds like my situation - my DH can see no wrong in his 19 yr old college student. she drags him around by the nose and he just goes. last year when she graduated high school, I gave her money and a gift and she never sent a thank you. when I mentioned it to him, he said "oh, I can't believe it!" but I never did get a thank you. I don't have enough time or energy to tell every situation, but talk about enabling bad behavior!!

I so agree with 2ndtimearound. My DH was divorced for 18 years, from the time his "girls" were 5 and 7. We married 8 years ago, when his "girls" were 23 and 25. Needless to say, you can imagine how that has went. He has even agreed that the oldest one, which he is closest too (34 now), had taken on many of the wifely roles for him (nothing sexual), because he had no woman in his life. My problem is now it is so hard for them and him to see me as the #1 woman in his life and it really gets old - although he says that is how he wants it to be. It's really tough (I'm sure for everyone) - but he should have thought about that before he asked me to marry him. And they should be happy he is not alone and has someone who cares about him. I would love to just throw in the towel, we'll see.

I have no solution for you Biz

Just a huge amount of compassion. My DH is the same way with his daughter, the Princess. The only thing that I can suggest is to put a time limit on how long SD can live with you and make SO aware that she is HIS responsiblity not yours.

Are you still planning on marriage? I don't know if pre-marital couseling will work but it might be worth a shot. My DH is also a great guy, I know that he loves me and he is nobcdy's fool with the exception of his daughter. It just doesn't make sense and I don't have the answer and have disengaged.

First time as SM had 4SDs and I saw this pattern very clearly and after my dear hubby died and I got back into dating, my #1 rule was: Do Not get involved with a man who has this type of relationship with his daughter. Even though DF has 1DD and 3DS, he just doesn't have a close relationship with DD but on the flip side he is way too involved with 2 of his sons' lives. He has enabeled both to be nonproductive members of society and allows them to use him all the while treating him like sh!t (It was frustration with this that brought me to this site). The 3rd son (oldest son) is very responsible and has his act together and he and I get along very well, with oldest son even venting to me a lot about how sad his brother's situation is. Still, I think I can handle this current relationship better than the one with the 4SDs because as women we want to be the #1 woman in our man's life and with some men their daughter, regardless of the age, will ALWAYS be their #1.

Sounds like various degrees of the Oedipus complex. There is a big difference between being Daddy's Little Girl, Princess Syndrome and emotional incest. I'm a daddy's girl and my stepmom hates it, but there is a connection between a parent and their children. My dad can sit down and talk with my brother and I as if we talked yesterday when we haven't spoken in months, but my stepmom gets angry because she feels left out and that she's not my father's personal favorite. But that's her deal. Princess Syndrome and emotional incest take a normal connection too far, one person is being taken advantage of in those situations.

I see the Prince Syndrome with my DH and the emotional incest with my SS's BM. My SS takes advantage of my DH's bank account and my SS's BM uses my SS for an emotional tampon, probably most people would tell her she's nuts if she confided in them instead.

For a long time it wasn't manly or macho for boys to resort to emotional blackmail, but they are doing it more and more. Its comes out in expressions like, my feelings were hurt by "x", this is all a misunderstanding and SS feels he's being blamed for it. Creative, yet manipulative, expressions like these.

Bizbear, my husband didn't expect anything from his sons either so I don't think it is just a father/daughter thing. Husband and I have a bio daughter together and I think he has actually expected more from her that he did from his boys. I think it may have something to do with his age but he is also more involved with her than he was with his sons.

My SD32 has openly admitted that she's a "daddy's girl." But when we do talk (rarely these days) she's the first to bash her dad to me. But always praises her mom and talks about how she admires her. BTW: her mom wanted the divorce becasue she was already screwing husband #2.
Anyway, my DH plays right into all that princess crap and it's really kind of icky. He uses the same endearments for both of us. Darlin', baby and sweetheart. I've told him to pick one for each of us and not to use them otherwise cause it's creepy when he calls "Baby!" and both of us answer!

wow, all so familiar. I agree with you and everyone else, it's just gross. I DO NOT buy into the daddy's girl thing. Ew, ew , ew. And MAJOR ew when it's a grown woman who still calls her father "daddy."

As a side note to stepgin's post - the same exact thing has happened to me. Sometimes my DH calls me "sugar" , after he said that while we were at his mom's house and his kid was there and we both answered, I was like uhm barf? I also told him he makes sure to differentiate between the two of us. Just gross....

I'm also part of the DH has a "daddy's girl" team and him putting her first is becoming more difficult to tolerate. As many of you know, she lives with us (another story). She'll be 27 next month, doesn't work (claims she's looking), doesn't contribute to household chores, is lazy and has caused the most conflict in our marrage.

When I moved in a few years ago, she walked around the house wearing a pair of short that read "daddy's girl" on her butt.
I should have ran for the hills right then and there.

It's deflating to be put second in your own home, the home that you're paying bills in I might add. But you witness the daughter get the princess treatment. I'm still kicking myself for marrying a man with children . . especially a daughter! If I had it to do over again, I would have married the other guy who was nuts about me . . who has no blasted children! I've told DH if she's not gone by next year this time, I'm done. Not sure who's more pathetic . . him or her. :sick:

Heck I couldn't wait to get in my own place and was so excited. But I don't see that in her. But I think she's finally starting to realize how pathetic living at home at her age makes her look.

Instead of being the self-assured, independent, self-reliant woman that she should be, she's a coddled, dependent, immature woman child that has no common sense or wisdom to know that the only person you should depend on to take care of you is the one you see in the mirror. I honestly think DH still wants her to still depend on him.

I read with interest the emotional incest comment, that's what my DH has...his parents didn't get along, his father had him for a buddy and DH appointed oldest SD the princess. When I tried to discuss this with a marriage counselor she told me that was offensive and incest was only sexual, etc.etc. Now that I've ordered the book from Amazon I intend to further my education. My 38/soon 39 yo SD climbed in his lap and counselor said Oh it doesn't mean anything. I'm soooo over this DH and his fixation on the SD and his emotional unavailability to me!!!! :sick: His father molested my other SD and my DH has emotionally replaced any woman with the emotional enmeshment with SD!

i really wish i had married some one else with no children.

its really too late now so disengagement is best for me at my age.

dh goes nuts with one of the sds. she is almost thirty. her life is a train wreck of alcohol and drugs, car crashes and end less string of lovers. no stable relationships.

she was fired from a job where she had an affair with a supervisor.

after twenty years of wedding "bliss" the gift dh gave to me was a solitaire ring almost the same size as the one he got me when we married. twenty years and that is all i get.

otoh sd is barely making minimum wage at her job but at least she is out of the house. dh paid for her cosmetic surgery about four thousand dollars and is now paying to send her on a vacation overseas for two weeks. another four thousand dollars.

he is also buying a new luxury car for himself and you can imagine the amount for that.

my anniversary jewellery cost only half of dh surgery. i am just waiting for sd to have another life emergency and watch dh open his wallet.

add to this dh is bullying me to pay $100 for the annual gym membership.