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SS 22 doesn't understand his role

Smomof3's picture

My SD15 has issues..big issues and her 1/2 brother, my SS22 thinks he just needs to talk to her and it'll be fine. He also thinks we're just picking on her. She's used drugs, she's cutting herself, she's lost 17 lbs in 2 months and her hair is falling out from being malnourished, she lies about everyone and twists the truth to play the victim. It's like he's too stupid to understand what we're telling him.

He wants to keep my SD15 and SS14 over night and I feel that her problems are too deep for him to be meddling in or trying to psycho analyze. I love him but he's very immature and he's not a parent. He can't handle her if something happens and at this point we're just waiting for her next excalation in behavior.

He also thinks that grounding her for buying and smoking marijuana is extreme...really. He sited a time when he did it at 19 and his Dad blew it off. Well yeah, you were 19, not 14.

Smomof3's picture

I love him and we get along great, but he's quite special Smile Alot of that comes from his mother's influence.

Unfortunately my SD has been treated like a princess by her brother's and her father and that's spurred her bad behavior. At this critical time we don't need his two cents. He's a good kid but not the sharpest tool in the shed and he doesn't need to be involved at a deep level...that's why she's going to a mental health professional.

ThatGirl's picture

Is she in therapy or counseling for her issues? If she's not on actual suicide watch, I see no reason she can't spend a night with her older sibling. Unless, of course, she's on restriction at the moment.

20YearsAsAStep-Mom's picture

i think she should go and spend time with older ss. He cares and I think that will be important for her. She sounds deeply troubled and I hope she is in deep therapy. I know you are worried about her, but I think isolating her FROM family members will not be helpful. Good luck.

LostinSpaceandTime's picture

You said it all.

If he wants to talk to her that does not require an overnight stay away from parental supervision.

He was a pot smoker at 19. You say DH blew it off. It's like he is too stupid to understand. He is too stupid and likely the reason is he is still using drugs.

He doesn't agree with your punishment for her for buying and using drugs. Too bad. He doesn't get a vote. He is an enabler. Maybe even her supplier at times. She lost 17lbs in two months. She is on more that just weed. She is cutting herself.
She needs to be in a lockdown drug rehab unit, Not going for sleepovers with her brother so she can party more.

Maybe he needs to talk to her so bad so they can get the stories straight and she won't rat him out.

No offense but rethink your last comment of how he was 19 not 14 when he was caught smoking. Like that made it ok. Still illegal and doubt he just started it then.

IMHO. He should not have unsupervised visits at this time with his sister.

Smomof3's picture

I scheduled her into counseling after the BM wouldn't do it. The SS22 hasn't grasped that the wo younger kids aren't little anymore and don't hang on his every word. He talked to SD15 about the drug use two weeks ago and she spent the night in his new home. However, since that time we've learned of the cutting and have questioned the rapid weight loss...she sees the counselor on Wednesday of next week.

SS22 doesn't use drugs and actually said her drug use and behavior was her parents fault...he's as blind as his father and doesn't see any wrong in anything she does. This is a critical time where she needs to take responsibility for her actions and not blame them on someone else. We don't need him reinforcing her victim behavior by sympathizing.

Towanda's picture

I begged my eldest SS to talk to his troubled little sis. He was 23 and she DID hang on to every word he said. He could do no wrong in her eyes. Unfortunately, he wouldn't do it. Now, 10 years later, he regrets it and tells me he had no idea when I would tell him her behavior that it was so serious. Too late now.