should step daughter go on vacation with us??
I have been married to my husband for 17years he has a daughter from his 1st marriage who is now 24 and living on her own in another state. We have a 14yr old from our marriage. I have planned a vacation for just the 3 of us. Now SD and her mother are upset with us that we are not taking her. I feel she is an adult and does not need to come with us anymore. She is financially not able to pay her way and it is going to be tight just with the 3 of us. I dont want this to come in between her and her father so I have not told him about nasty messages that his ex has sent me about this but I dont feel I should be bullied by either my SD or her mother to change my mind. WE have helped her financially as much as we could even paying child support long after the agreed time. I let my car get repossessed but never missed a payment to them. Now she is an adult I feel I dont need to support her financially or by taking her on vacation.
Nope. you answered your own
Nope. you answered your own question.
Plus when was the last time SD called just to say hi and ask how you guys' day was going? If someone doesnt take an ACTIVE part to be in the "FAMILY" then they dont get to expect to be involved in the Family activities.
No way.
No way.
Nope!!! I wouldn't!
Nope!!! I wouldn't!
I would have never in a
I would have never in a million years expected my dad and his wife to take me on vacation with them at 24. Nor would I have wanted to go (and not because we don't get along, we do).
These adult skids are something else. Mine expects us to give her gas money so she can come over and see us. Please, just don't. Vacation? :sick: Never. Not even if YOU pay MY way.
"I'd have thought they were
"I'd have thought they were nuts if they'd asked me to go."
Exactly. I have two younger brothers who I have never been on vacation with because I was an adult when they were born. If I want to go on a cruise, me and my husband will go on one, I don't expect my dad and his wife to take me. Too weird.
SD and BM need to get over
SD and BM need to get over it. SD is 24, do not allow BM to communicate with you in any way shape or form.
For some reason, I am seeing this a lot more in recent years - parents regularly taking their 20-something kids on vacations. I know one set of original parents who take their son & daughter plus foot the bill for the current SO's. The explanation is so that their kids will have someone to sit with on rides.
In some ways I think this inhibits the kids from growing up.
But no, SD24 does not need to tag along on a vacation. She needs to make her own money and go to Cozumel with other 20-somethings.
OMG, you are too nice. 24
OMG, you are too nice. 24 years old, get her own life. Don't be bother. If she wants to come with you guys, get her own room and pay her own expenses. Are you kidding me? You let them possess your car and pay the child suppor instead. Well, it's child support and she's not your child. Your husband has full responsibilities for that. Wow, you are very nice step mother and you must love your husband so much so you can put up with this so many years.
Good Luck
By the way, you should let
By the way, you should let your husband see the conversation. What the hell you are hinding from him for? So he can see what's going on. This world is so real, don't be too nice. Take care of yourself and your feeling!
Thank you all for the
Thank you all for the comments I dont feel so alone. I have always said being a step parent is so much harder than a parent. I love her but I just dont feel the need to take care of her anymore. I have a teenager who needs my attention more than the 24yr old. We have always tried to get along with her mother to make things easier for all but whenever SD doesnt get her way she uses the YOU DONT LOVE ME AS MUCH CARD and YOU HAVE ANOTHER CHILD ALSO. Yes my husband does have two children but only one is living at home. She will need more and get more than the adult. To answer OMMY SD does call her mom every day but her dad only gets a call every 7-10days and then he usually has to call 1st and leave a message before she calls back.
The "you don't love me as
The "you don't love me as much" card is bullshit. Love isn't shown by vacations / gifts. I am sure he took her on many vacations before DS14 was born. Doesn't mean he doesn't love DS14 because he didn't "wait" for him, does it? Jesus H. I hate that bullshit. I have news for all the BMs in the world - our lives, our families, our vacations, are OURS and they don't ALWAYS have to include your kids. My dh and I take SD (she is not an adult) on one decent vacation a year. We take many mini-vacations without her and some of them do include our son. Why? Because our son lives here full-time. He follows our rules full time. He takes on the discipline and responsibility of our home FULLTIME. SD is here part time. SHe takes on half the responsiblity (not even because she has an issue with following rules and simple tasks) and therefore gets half the opportunities. She has a mother to fill in the other half in any way she chooses.
Your sd does not live with you and I'm sorry anyone who doesn't contribute to my home and have to live under my rules does not get the rewards offered through my hard work. I don't have a problem with adult kids going on vacation with their parents if they're willing to pay their way, but you don't get a free ride forever. I was single until I was 37. I never expected my parents to fund my vacations.
My DH is ALL ABOUT the
My DH is ALL ABOUT the “family vacation” every year… so we rent a big house at the beach for a week and SD30, her BF, SS27, his g/f, me, DH and my biokid all go to the beach on vacation for a week
SD and her BF are great… they’re people that I actually get along with and would be friends with if the situation weren’t as it is…
SS is an ass, I can’t stand him and he has managed to do something every year for the last ELEVEN years to screw with our vacation
So you have to ask yourself… will your Skid cause a problem? is it even a remote possibility that she’ll bring drama on your vacation? If so, the answer is a resounding NO
(after 11 years SS’s behavior this year was SO outrageous that I FINALLY put my foot down and told DH NEVER EVER AGAIN!)
Children will ask until
Children will ask until they're told no. She is way past the age of being told no.