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SD34's Christmas List

TwirlMS's picture

My DH went to his daughter's house to fix her plumbing last week and he comes back with a long list of Christmas presents she wants from him.

At the top of her list was perfume :sick:
I'm sorry, but that's the kind of gift you get from a lover. Not your father. The minute he showed me that list I thought, ewwww.

Before I met my DH 3 yrs. ago, I dated a guy that gave me perfume for Christmas 'Beautiful'. I returned it to the store, though it was expensive, because your scent is a personal thing that someone else should not be deciding for you. Thinking about that makes me feel icky.

I have never received perfume from my own father, nor would I want to.

I get that she's divorced and has no one else to give that to her, but geez, go out and buy it for herself, please. That's like asking for a bouquet of roses on Valentine's Day.

TwirlMS's picture

"My husband buys me perfumes, but he has a list of ones I'd like. My Dad does not! That's sort of weird, I agree."

Thank you! I am not alone Dirol

Ughugh's picture

I feel sorry for her, she sounds infantilized (for lack of a stronger term). Meh. Stay out of it. You do not buy anything for her, let him do it. Next year, he'll get her cash (as it should be at this age) and you force them to both grow up...ugh

Stepintime0111's picture

I'm 34 and would never dream of giving my parents a Christmas list. I feel bad when they buy me anything and feel like it's my job now to buy for them since they have done so much for me. 34 and a Christmas list like a 6 year old. Unreal

TwirlMS's picture

True, he doesn't see anything wrong with it because they've been allowed to do it for many years past adulthood, before I met him. Sounds pretty backwards to me.

kathc's picture

Now, see, if it were a case of your DH saying, "Gee, daughter, what would you like for Christmas?" and she said, "That's so kind of you to ask! I really love this perfume but it's a bit beyond my budget right now. If it's not asking too much, that would be wonderful!" Then, ok.

But, since it was part of a list that was handed to way. Is she still 10?

Get her a $20 Walmart gift card. That might give the hint.

OOH, or better yet---buy her a copy of The Wizard of Oz, tuck the list inside it and write "You're not in Kansas anymore" }:)

Amber Miller's picture

I can't believe the audacity of this brat. Giving her dad a Xmas list???? That's class-less. It's bad enough she gave him a list and even worse that she gave it to him in September. I hope he doesn't go out and buy her everything she wants as this sends the message that what she did was ok when it's not. What an entitled brat.

toywas's picture

Years ago one of the Golden Eggs emailed DH his ADULT xmas list and asked for brand new tires ($800) for his pick-up truck. He didn't get it!

Another Golden Egg wanted one of those outside screened gazebos for $500; he didn't get it either.

I think this was the year all of the Golden Eggs chipped in and bought DH a $20 Kmart shirt (which he has yet to wear!)

Yes my dear ST friends - adults still give Daddy xmas lists!

But they never asked for mine!!!

TwirlMS's picture

How about gifting them a storybook "Goodnight Moon", beautifully wrapped of course Smile

Ljcapp1's picture

At 34 she should be buying for her father not the other way around. What a twit! I can't imagine getting an actual physical list without laughing in her effing face!! I don't' think so

Rags's picture

That a 34yo woman, divorced or not, is giving her father a Christmas list of what she expects for Christmas is nauseating. I would feel the same about a 35yo man giving his parents a Christmas list of what he expects from them.

I have never asked anyone I am buying gifts for what they want. I get what I want to give them. The gifts I select are meaningful to me for that person. What they want is irrelevant to my gift selection and giving.

That is just how I do it.

My ILs all do Christmas lists for each other. They also draw names and only buy gifts for one person. I am fine with the drawing names but the lists irritate the crap out of me. Mainly because the list some of them give to us is very different than the lists they give to each other. Cars, pay off my mortgage, pay off my school loans, pay for my kids braces, etc..... None of those things are on their lists for each other. That shit just pisses me off.

toywas's picture

I have asked for years for us to draw names (I really wanted this!) but DH's adult kids said no way - keep in mind they do this at their mom's (the ex's) house every year! So for the past 13 years my DH spends almost $200-$250 on each ADULT child, then $100 on their spouses, then $50 on each grandkid.

I'm sorry but is just plain f**kin ridiculous!!! That's not Christmas - that's just f**kin' greed!

And this is why I no longer love the Christmas holiday!!!

I already told DH the other day that I am putting our tree up on Thanksgiving Day and it's coming down the day after Christmas - MY NEW TRADITION!!! I also told him I didn't care if he liked it or not, and to make plans to spend this holiday time with his wonderful kids elsewhere because it will NOT be in my house no more!!! And if he had a problem telling his wonderful kids this then I WOULD TELL THEM!!

He had no response (as usual!)

AllySkoo's picture

Lol I must be odd one out, I don't think any of this would have bothered me. My grandmother used to get me perfume for Christmas (fortunately one I liked!) so I don't associate it with lovers or anything. Also, I ask my adult skids for a list, since everyone calls us for Christmas ideas for them and if I don't have a list, I don't know what to tell them! They certainly don't get everything, or expensive things (one of them continuously asks for a laptop, which is NOT happening), but I encourage them to give me lists of books or movies, or miscellaneous things that aren't that expensive.

sandye21's picture

Tell her you forwarded her list to North Pole, Alaska. They send out letters to good girls an boys. I agree with the $20 Walmart card with a note, "Now you can buy something off of your list."

bi's picture

My mom gave me a Christmas list in Oct a few years ago. At the top of her list was a new mattress and box spring. I don't remember everything that was on it, but a lot of it was expensive shit that I cannot afford to buy for her. I have kids to buy for! I know she expected me to get with my brother and start saving to play Santa to her. She got none of it. This from a woman who didn't even make sure we had clothes that fit or shoes that weren't falling apart when we were kids. :jawdrop:

Ruby55's picture

I've always Done all the shopping for my step kids and even as young adults I have asked my husband to get some ideas of small things they want and then we usually give them some cash. The last time I asked, my step daughter asked for diamond earrings, I kid you not. She said she wants the kind of gifts that will last a long time. Needless to say I told my husband it would never happen and I don't buy gifts for them anymore!! I guess she figured no harm in asking, pathetic!

TwirlMS's picture

I asked DH whether he solicited the list from SD but no. SD prepared this list herself and presented it to him when he was over at her place fixing her plumbing.

In the past, before I entered the picture, the adults and the kids gave their lists to DH and BM. Apparently they didn't ever grow out of that tradition and evolve.

Now that BM is gone and I am the new stepmom, I thought I had buried that antiquated tradition, but SD surprised me and tried to revive this old tradition of her first family. Her whole problem from day one with me is that she has been unwilling to let go of the past. She tries to force things to stay the same.

We now have a blended family of four adult children and eight grandchildren (all under 10 yrs. old). That's a lot of people to buy for. I buy several gifts for the little kids totaling $100/per grandchild. And the grownup kids get one or two gifts that amount to $200 each. Their spouses get a $100 gift (but of course SD doesn't have one).

We spend over $2,000 on Christmas gifts not including our gift to each other.

TwirlMS's picture

That wouldn't work for us because we have both sets of kids and grandkids present on Christmas Day and they all see what each other gets, giftwise.

Ruby55's picture

Did you say she's 34? Mine is 27 and I thought that was bad enough. A Christmas list made by adults, hard to believe.

TwirlMS's picture

On her list was some big ticket items also, such as a ladder for her house, a gift card from Wilson's leather store, that type of thing (she was very specific).

I guess it was the length of the list and all the little things that she put in there too, such as perfume and nail polish that bothers me.

DH has a full-time job and is not going to shop for nail polish. The fact that she expects him to is what bothers me.

toywas's picture

Step, you're lucky - you only get 1 bullet; I would get 6, maybe 7, if you want to include the wonderful ex-wife.

DH no longer goes shopping for his kids anymore; he hates shopping alone. Now he just sends a check to each adult child for their entire family including the grandkids. In turn, his 6 wonderful kids get him nothing for Christmas, his birthday, or Father's Day. DH is really lucky if he gets a phone call!

toywas's picture

Everything with the stepkids always comes down to money and THEIR control over our marriage - ALL THE TIME!!!

toywas's picture

MY Christmas is with DH and my oldest son and his fiancee (my other kids are in the military). From 12/26 through the end of the year, I make sure I'm out of the house (weather permitting) or I stay in my bedroom and watch TV everytime they're here.

Why people think our home is a hotel, playground, and restaurant is beyond me?! I don't clean, cook, shop, pick-up - I DO NOT NOTHING.

"Grab and go" (love that term) lasts almost 12 hours (thank God for reruns!)

Ruby55's picture

She sounds immature to say the least. Jeez at 34 I was more concerned with what i would buy my parents. Not the other way around

TwirlMS's picture

I like the idea of a check for birthdays, but Christmas seems to have to have stacks of gifts for under the tree.

TwirlMS's picture

In 2012, the first year we were married, both SD and SS gave us a list before Christmas. I practically gagged, not because of the cost of the items, but because it seemed to me like they were forcing us to do the same thing they always did in the past, even though I'm not their mother, and it's the mother that always does the shopping. It seemed so presumptuous.

I did not shop for all the little things on their list. They took note of that and the following year in 2013, I got no list from either SD or SS. I thought we had made progress, but here it is back again for 2014. This old tradition from their past that SD won't let go of.

TwirlMS's picture

Times have changed and SD34 needs to change with them. SD and DH's relationship has to evolve because it seems she's still stuck in little girl mode, or reverted back to it after her divorce.

I was told that when she was married she used to do the repairs on the house herself, (while her husband played around on the computer) but now that she's divorced, she is playing the helpless female card to get daddy to come to her rescue. I hate that, that she has regressed back into childhood. She wants attention, the list is just another way to get it.

TwirlMS's picture

The ladder I am going to get her because I don't want her borrowing ours and maybe it will encourage her to fix some things herself. I'll put a big bow on it and put it out on the patio.

The reason she gives us the list in September is because her birthday falls before Christmas and so she feels she has both events covered.

FTMandSM's picture

34 yrs old and a christmas list.....I wouldn't get her anything. Maybe a list in return.

As kids we (my brother and I) were never allowed to make lists. My mom wouldn't get us anything off the list. She always made a point that you will get what you get, don't expect anything. We would make lists for santa but never give them to her. If we did, we wouldn't get anything on our list.

TwirlMS's picture

Now that to me sounds healthy.

What I do with my kids, is about a month before Christmas just ask them if they have something in mind that they need.

Somehow seeing SD's list in writing, so in detail and so long, was just a real big turnoff to me. Makes it more like a job, like a tasks list a boss would give to his employee.

I try to make Christmas fun for everyone. I do love a party.

toywas's picture

my mom did the same thing and I did the same to my kids - NEVER buy anything on the list!

It's always the thought that counts!!!

2Tired4Drama's picture

Ah yes, the holidays approach! How do I know? Well, it's because SD23 contacts my SO out of the blue so she can ask for his "advice" for her upcoming brand-new luxury car purchase.

Of course that car buying "advice" she is conveniently seeking from him is going to coincide with her birthday and the holidays, so my SO already sees himself providing quite a chunk of money for this endeavor. The thing that annoys me is he states in such a jovial and eye-wink manner, like he finds it cute that she is passively seeking big bucks from him. I think he really feels like its a parental privilege to do so. He doesn't see it as blatant materialism and manipulation. Disney Daddy syndrome at it's finest. SD makes a very good salary and should pick up her car tab herself, but seems to have no problem with still treating her father like an ATM. Her devoted BM taught her how to do that well - and it's a life-long lesson she still practices.

This is one of those times when I am so glad we're not married. His money, his choice. But if we were married you had better believe I'd have something to say about it!

TwirlMS's picture

Seems the SDs always have an angle.

It is so unhealthy to keep that parent-child relationship from growing into an adult-to-adult relationship as it should be. I think their ego is stroked when their grown-up daughter needs them for anything.

I've tried with some small success to get DH to realize he's being used for something she should be getting from other adults her own age.

I had very little contact as an adult with my own dad, lived several states away and visited maybe once a year, so a needy and possessive adult daughter seems odd to me.

TwirlMS's picture

Do you know what's even more odd? (while I'm on a roll Smile )

The first year we were married, my DH took out a box of handmade stockings his kids had hung since their childhood and he expected me to fill their stockings when they were over 30 yrs. old!

These are stockings his first wife had sewn, and he wanted that tradition to continue. They are too old for stockings and I don't do that for my own children anymore. He sadly agreed to give them their own stocking to hang at their own house, rightfully so. They got over it.

So, at least I did put a stop to that, but I experienced the silent treatment from DH for quite awhile afterwards.

I don't want to sound like the Grinch that Stole Christmas, but just return it to the true meaning of the holiday, and be fair to everyone in the process. Including me. Filling stockings was a lot of work when I only had two children. It is impossible with four children, their spouses, and eight grandchildren. I used to be up all night wrapping and filling stockings when my kids were little. On top of that I have to cook for over 50 people, including some friends and extended family that we invite to join us for the dinner later and after-dinner party at our house.

TwirlMS's picture

DH was a widow when I married him, so I guess they weren't ready to let go of the old traditions along with her.

I bring my own fun and traditions to the table and we are all in a process of reinventing ourselves anyway.

DH and the rest have done a good job at that, it's pretty much just SD34 that refuses to let auld aquaintances be forgot.