SD and her "shower" - SMH
Had to attend a birthday dinner with SD and fiance. Normally, I am disengaged but I decided I can manage a couple of "official" events like this per year.
While SD was going on and on about wedding plans, she mentioned that she and her fiance were going to have a couples shower at their home a few weeks before the wedding day. She said that this couples shower was for "all the people we know that we aren't able to invite to the wedding." She also mentioned, with a giggle, that this wasn't exactly per etiquette standards but she wanted to do it anyway.
I've never heard of anything so ridiculous in my life - BRIDE AND GROOM have a shower at THEIR house for people NOT invited to attend their wedding!?
Then I thought, I'm old. Maybe I'm not up to speed on the new wedding rules and perhaps this is a new trend.
IMO this is nothing but a tasteless, greedy gift grab.
Do the people know they are
Do the people know they are invited to the shower because they don't rank high enough to get invited to the wedding?
I'm with you, tacky.
The way she is doing it feels
The way she is doing it feels like it is just a gift grab.
Now I can understand doing this for other reasons. SO and I have talked about what we'd like to do in the distant future if we get married. We want to do a wedding for family and his kids but also we want a separate party for friends. We have a set of friends that are the reason why we met and we want to do something different with them. We actually care more about being bond together in their view then the family and legal system. But I know my family would throw a fit if they didn't get to see an actual wedding no matter how tiny.
So yeah maybe it might be considered a shower when to us it's just a chance at celebrating our bond with a different group of people who yeah wouldn't be invited to the official wedding.
I completely agree about them
I completely agree about them being upset.
I've been married and divorced and GOD the first wedding was a nightmare. We knew what we wanted but family complained so we moved it more central. Still not good enough they wanted it where I grow up in the "family church" which is a building that is unused but all my family is buried there. Yeah that sounds lovely. I can throw the flowers then go see where my grandparents will be buried. NO joke the plots are paid for.
We then decided screw all you we're eloping to Los Vegas. Finally decided to do what we wanted to all along and those who cared to come would and those who didn't their lose.
It's gonna be interesting trying to do a wedding with my partner because neither of us is part of a church nor is our direct family. I wouldn't even know where to begin so they may win. It might be in my hometown if my grandparents can put it all together. Really though I don't care. You say your getting married and they think it should be a huge deal.
Like I said the party for us with our friends is more important.
Granny, in your visualization
Granny, in your visualization be sure to add the image of a grasping hand being thrust out, demanding to be filled! }:)
I see nothing wrong with
I see nothing wrong with having a PARTY for friends - but please NOT A SHOWER. NO PRESENTS.
I'm used to people giving parties - lunches, brunches, co-ed dinners to honor the couple - but these are not gift giving occasions.
I would not take a gift to a party like that no matter what they called it.
Keep in mind, it is indeed
Keep in mind, it is indeed perfectly normal for OTHERS to throw events for the couple - either with or without gifts.
But the COUPLE themselves doing it? For the primary purpose of getting gifts? Outrageous, IMO.
Let me be clear ... unlike
Let me be clear ... unlike some of the examples above, this is not an event where the couple truly want to just have a fun party with friends to celebrate their union.
SD was discussing their registry info and she made it plain as day that instead of having a bridal shower from her girlfriends (where she gets a bunch of lingerie she doesn't want) they wanted to do a couples shower at their house SPECIFICALLY so that "people we can't invite to the wedding" can come to their house and bring gifts the two of them have picked out - since those people won't be coming to the wedding itself as they were not invited. She mentioned that it would be mostly co-workers and other "friends" they weren't as close with as other friends.
The fact she pointedly mentioned it wasn't in accordance with "etiquette" makes me think she knows this is an absolute gift grab but wants to do it anyway.
And I am in agreement with those who say that hopefully the invitees will NOT show up or will show up with a Dollar Store gift basket - not one of her high-priced registry items!
Not that it matters, but this young woman is already a millionaire (due to inheritance) and makes a six-figure income.
Just wonder if you got an
Just wonder if you got an invitation to the wedding? Or are you one of the lucky ones that SD considers a friend -but not THAT good of a friend to attend her wedding? No kidding - if anyone invited me to a 'shower' like that I would definitely attend - drink all of the booze (which would make me extremely clever), eat all of the food (of course, taking a gallon baggie full home), and presenting them with an IOU that I would conveniently forget about.
Have to say, on the positive side - it's times like these that re-enforces your belief that you did the right thing by disengaging. Every once in a while we need a reminder.
Yes, and yes! She did send
Yes, and yes! She did send her father and I a "save the date" and my name was on it! Surprised she didn't just put "+ one" ha ha..
And yes, this absolutely does reinforce the value of disengaging. I hope others (younger than I) can learn that disengagement is of tremendous value even when skids are older. It is blissfully liberating to be able to mentally say, "Count me out." and just keep my mouth shut.
I am so glad I am completely disconnected from all this SD wedding crap and all I have to do is show up with my SO on the day of.
And I plan to do at the wedding just what you suggested - eat, drink and be merry. Then I will sit back and watch the potential sh!tshow unfold
Because according to SD, it's
Because according to SD, it's a way for them to get/bring gifts from their registry!
"You're not good enough to
"You're not good enough to come to my wedding but bring gifts anyway!"
This is about the rudest wedding related BS I've ever heard of. I couldn't imagine anyone rushing out and getting a gift for a wedding they are intentionally excluded from. The co-workers and not so close *friends* have got to feel just a bit slighted to recieve a consolation prize invitation rather than the real thing.
I personally wouldn't bother going. Hopefully everyone gets a clue and has something better to do.
^^ i know this feeling well!
i recall a wedding dh and i attended some years ago for the son of one of dh co workers. we were not aware this "wedding" was for the "non believers."
it was very awkward. we thought it was for a wedding, and it dawned on dh and me that it was for those people not invited to the "real wedding" because we were not all of the couple's faith.
how utterly rude! i have never heard of this before!
the minister, or whatever the heck he was, went on about how we could not attend the "real wedding" (not good enough being of another faith?) but to wish the couple well as they embark upon life together. what bunch of bs!
we left our very nice expensive gift on the table and left early. we ate a few bits of food and walked out as quietly as possible. oh, and we did not get a thanks from the couple for the nice gift either. i guess we non believers dont deserves thanks either.
Low class.
Low class.
i agree. money grubbing grab
i agree. money grubbing grab for peoples wallets. if i was not invited to the wedding but invited to the shower i would decline. no gift but maybe a card of well wishes. and no money inside.
very rude. and shameless bride giggling over it like a spoiled teenager. i can see this marriage will eventually end.
gift grabbing..... I like all
gift grabbing.....
I like all these snowflake ideas of how to get more more more and more...
I'm considering getting married lol...... and well it's custom to return wedding gifts if the wedding does not happen..
shower gifts? Total different thing... I'll keep those
The irony here is that SD has
The irony here is that SD has enough dough to go out and buy anything her little heart desires - due to her inheritance.
While it is certainly greed driving this, there is also a heaping amount of narcissism, too. I think she thrives off the attention she will get, not just the gifts themselves. She wants an opportunity to be the center of attention - worshipped and adored. Her buffoon fiance' is just along for the ride.
I personally don't see this marriage lasting long. SD has been vocal for the past several years about how she wants to have babies. Fiance' is nothing more than a good-looking (but dumb and financially dependent) sperm donor, IMO. Once she pops out the requisite number of babies he'll get kicked to the curb. Sounds like a male version of your brother's girlfriend.
https://tse2.mm.bing.net/th?i
https://tse2.mm.bing.net/th?id=OIP.yhh1oWsavygN1OKV8POLQAElEs&pid=15.1&P...
This is great!
It is. Maybe I'll have some
It is. Maybe I'll have some t-shirts printed up with the logo and have it delivered to the house on the day of their "couples shower" ... make nice favors for all the guests, don't you think?!! }:)
I have actually been to one
I have actually been to one of these events and I was not upset about not being invited to the wedding at all. It was actually dual bridal/baby Shower. They were paying for their own wedding and could not invite everyone they wanted to. Therefore, they threw a more informal shower at a restaurant for a select few people. Some were going to the wedding and others were not. My sister felt like many on here that they were rude. However, I understood. She even apologized to me for not being able to invite me to the wedding as it was not in their budget.
I just don't see anything wrong with it.
WHAT! I never heard of such
WHAT! I never heard of such a thing, or such rudeness. It is like saying, you are not invited to my wedding BUT I want a gift anyway.
Really, is there no etiquette at all these days? Or is it just the ME, ME, ME generation.