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Problems with In-Laws and Adult Step kids

CarolineLeigh1113's picture

I am a long time lurker who finally made an account lol. I love reading these posts and hope you ladies can feel it to me straight. Be honest!!! DH and i have been having lots of family problems and we need your help!! PS. FOO= Family of origin aka my family

Background-- DH and I have been together for about two years, we are also engaged and planning our wedding!! Our relationship has been on the fast track and we got pregnant quickly with our DD a few months into our relationship. When DD was a couple months old we got pregnant with DS Lol so things have been crazy, DD is now a year old, DS is 2 months old AND surprise!!! We are expecting yet again! They is a big age gap between DH and myself which has caused issues with my In-Laws and my step kids(I am 30, DH is 43). I am divorced and bought 3 kids to the marriage, DS11, DD9 and DD4. DH was also married before and lost his wife of 20 plus years to cancer. DH has 2 older kids, DD20 and DS19. DH and his first wife grew up together on the same street and she was very close with my In-Laws, because of that they haven't been open to me(wife had been gone about a year when DH and I started dating) and my step kids have been even worse!!

The Issues-- MIL still has pics of DH's former wife in her home AND their is a picture of DH and i right next to former wife right when you walk in the door. Going to see my In-Laws is weird sometimes and they have told DH they have issues with the way he has "handeled his life in the past 2 years". SIL let out a gasp of shock when we announced we were expecting our current little bean. I am planning on having another baby shower regardless of the sex and MIL said "don't you think that's a little much". Really MIL?!! Glad to know you don't care about our babies!!Same thing with our engagment, as we both are so happy we have found love again, we are planning a semi big wedding. BIL said he doesn't know if he can support our union and all the In-Laws have expressed issues with my "personality", I am very open when it comes to sex, drugs(former pothead and proud of it lol) and all hot topic issues. They don't understand my humor and it hurts me. My FOO has been very open to my In-Laws and when they asked the In-Laws to co-host a wedding shower/house warming partying (we are building our dream home!) They declined, they are def. A little more buttoned up than me and my FOO.

The Step Kids---On to my step kids,SD20 was recently married to her long-time boyfriend. They eloped at the courthouse and it was very casual, SD told DH the date a few weeks before it happened and wanted him to give her away. Long story short, the day of the wedding ended up beingthe day my FOO was in town. DH must have forgotten, he was running errands getting ready fof my FOO while I was home with the babies. DH also forgot his phone at home, he was getting texts from SD and SS. The step kids have never really accepted me and tend to any away and stand in the corner when we are at family parties ect. I want them to bond with my kids from previous marriage but they are also "really busy". (SS is in college and also works alot with music producers and the rock n roll scene, SD is married to a Marine/Engineer who supposly works long hours, SD is in beauty school and chooses to spend all her free time "building up her clients" aka giving her friends free beauty services). Anyway, on the day of the wedding the cell phone was at the house, SS texted and said he(DH)show just show up quick and give SD away, he said to not bring me or my FOO as SD was upset her mother couldn't b there and having me there was proof her mother was really gone. I texted Ss back and said it was me, I was mad, I said if me and my FOO weren't welcome then I was sure DH wouldn't wanna go without his WIFE. SS texted back "Screw you" by the time DH got home the wedding was over. We didn't see them(SS,SD or her new DH) for a few weeks. She also didn't come to my baby showers due to "school" but sent gifts. Total cop out IMO. A few weeks after the wedding SD was pregnant and quickly miscarried, DH went to see her and sat with her, her husband and SS(SS is very close with SD and her husband and is renting a room from them). It was rude to my FOO and my mom had wanted to take family pics with me, DH and our kids but couldn't because DH was gone so long. SD's D&C took place on my oldest DD's birthday and of course MIL and SIL used that as an excuse as to why they didn't come. Not long after the miscarriage, SD was back in the hospital she was supposly bleeding and is dealing with what SIL calls "major fertility issues" SD "needs DH's support as she may never be able to bear children" says MIL. The night SD was back in the hospital MIL calls and tellls him he needs to get there quickly, we were about to DTD and he left!! When we announced we were expecting SD left the room quickly after hugging me and saying Congrats, it felt fake though. MIL and SIL followed and it feels like nobody cares about me and DH and our life together. SS even told me I should keep my legs shut more often!!! He has been more rude to me than SD. SD ignores me for the most part and even more so since I refused to let her and her new DH spend the night at our home when they were visitng our area! But I just wanted them to get a hotel because the room they would be staying in was right next to my kids and I didn't want them to hear them having sex!! MIL is always making PA comments and has told me to NEVER get between dH and his kids or she would "make me wish I never met DH" She is so crazy!! The step kids have barley bonded with my kids, SD is always all over baby DD and DS when she visits and is always bringing them clothes and gifts. My FOO feels like she is trying to up stage them and make up for her bad behavior by buying my love. They is alot more and I will post after I pick up my kids from their dad, what do you ladies think so far? I just want the In-Laws and the step kids to accept

LRP75's picture

huh

2Step's picture

It's not the "big age gap" that is causing issues for you (13 years isn't that big of a deal). It's the selfish, self-centered, tactless, rude behavior you exhibit.

I could point out all the stupid things you have done/said starting with bragging about being a pothead but you're so far gone I don't think it would do any good.

mrspark's picture

That poor girl lost a baby and you want to show off your ever going brood. If I were her I wouldn't have even fake hugged you. I would have spit in your face and told my father off.
Where do you get off acting like that?
They just lost their mother 3 years ago!
That is so fresh and new.

*sigh* good luck anyway.

PS what kind of a dad misses his own daughter's wedding?

old-blue-eyes's picture

If this post is real or surreal (pipe dream ;)) your dh must have a high sperm count Biggrin . The Nuttiest thing I heard of yet Biggrin ...