Part 2 to SD's wedding - the pictures have arrived - i was not allowed to view
I wrote a post about a wedding a month ago. I am dating a guy for a little over a year with 2 adult step daughters. it was a huge fiasco for me because I wasn't allowed to sit with him at one of their weddings and it truly upset me. then it upset me more that he wouldn't say anything to his daughter about it. well, he finally did and she didn't speak to him for 2 weeks after that. now I guess everything is fine. anyway, the wedding pictures have arrived. I am not friends with his daughter on fb so I asked him if I could see them. he refused and said no while looking at his phone. I asked why and he said because I don't want to hear about it. I got soooo mad, I refused to speak to him him and was pretty much done. I feel I am being punished for their shitty behavior! he thinks I should try harder to get to know them now too. ugh
he finally said he should have let me view them. he said since I have had nothing nice to say about his daughter since the wedding, then there is no reason to pick apart her pictures and I just wanted to see if there were any of him and ex wife together. I said of course there are. I'm not stupid. well, I then see that his younger daughter (21 - who has blocked me on fb for no other reason than to just be hateful) has posted a family pic of just him and his kids and ex and tagged him on fb so this photo goes in his album. if he wants the family picture on his facebook, he should just do that himself right? I mean he has a link to view them all like everyone else. I suppose this is more hurtful since I was treated like a nobody at the wedding and his daughters act like I don't exist. also because he has deleted most of my pics except one on his facebook when we were arguing and now has yet another pic of his ex wife on there that his daughters have posted. I get it that it means nothing but I just think it's inappropriate when they are no longer a family. i don't have pics of my son's father on mine. of course since darling daughter put up it won't be taken down. but no more of me have been put up either of me which is what truly rages me. so i guess i feel like he can delete my pictures but none with ex wife involved? I realize they took pictures - it is fine but to tag him in a picture with his ex wife to add to his pictures is just shitty to me. they are not a family anymore and he has moved on. I guess it shouldn't matter to me but I know for a fact he wouldn't like pics of my ex on my fb.
is this a slap in my face or am I just being incredibly sensitive and ridiculous? this is not even the bride and the only picture he was tagged in. I realize this is her parents but they both still group text message their parents too. I think these girls need to realize their little family is over and they need to grow up. I just do not see this ever getting any better and want to move on - not sure why it is so hard. I am in love with the man I guess. ugh blended families are just insanely difficult. not so sure I'm cut out for it. I feel like an outsider in their little world.
so my question is - are having family photos with an ex insensitive on social media when you are seriously dating someone new?? I don't care what the occasion. I just don't see this on any of my other friends' pages on fb. seems disrespectful to the new significant other in my opinion.
I agree. Also sometimes
I agree. Also sometimes things aren't meant the way people think. Like the "tagging" it's not just so HE can see the pictures but also so that her friends can see who the people are in the picture. So that might not have been crafted to insult anyone.
His kids don't like you and
His kids don't like you and your kids actively dislike him as well. Something is just off.
He treats you badly. You have been dating less than a year and relationship is rocky hence its developing slow yet you expect a lot. It's just not there. All you two do is argue or being unhappy or having drama. Relationship that is that stressful and hard in less than a year has no where to go but downhill.
Why are you two even together?
Wny are you with this man?
Wny are you with this man? He sound like a total ahole. Surely you can do better.
Why do you want to see
Why do you want to see pictures of an event where you were treated horribly?
Oh, another thing, is your
Oh, another thing, is your boyfriend encouraging his daughters to get to know you better? Or is this just a one way thing?
I think it's just a one way
I think it's just a one way thing.
I don't know - we have a
I don't know - we have a great physical connection and he can be really sweet. ha
if I never said a word about his kids, it would be great. and if my son liked him who is 11 and didn't want mom all to himself it would be great. if we didn't have kids, I'm sure it would be great but we do.
the texting thing - he said he blocked her after the wedding. and he said they never text to each other - just comment on the daughters' texts. I just think it's strange that they even do this at all. he said if they want to text their parents together instead of sending two texts, it's fine! and posting the wedding pic of his family is fine cause it's a wedding picture.
my little boy wanted to take a soccer picture not too long ago when my bf wasn't there - with me and his dad. I said no. what if I did and posted it to facebook? that would just be weird. but him having family photos on fb isn't weird? I beg to differ.
my little boy wanted to take
my little boy wanted to take a soccer picture not too long ago when my bf wasn't there - with me and his dad. I said no.
This is sad, you and your ex are still his parents. Being in the same picture at an event does not mean you are together or are pretending to be a family.
I really don't see what you see in this guy. A phyisical connection? He CAN be really sweet? If he didn't have kids, if he didn't mention his kids, if you didn't have a kid, if he didn't have an ex, I mean, relationships don't happen in vacuums and if you guys can't make it work without being on an island, I just don't see the point.
A relationship with this guy and all of this baggage just seems like so much work. He does not seem to ever put you first or consider your feelings.
well, i should have done it
well, i should have done it for my child you are right. and yes, my bf would have freaked if he found out. but you have to know my ex also. if i show any kind of attention to him besides small talk - etc. he assumes I'm flirting and starts bothering me nonstop. it's ridiculous. it's like he is always just waiting for me to be single again - he was very inappropriate when i started dating this guy and always has been - like an ownership thing because we have a child together. and of course all little kids want their parents together and i thought it would give the wrong impression to both of them. but still should have done it cause me son asked.
oh and not sure why I wanted
oh and not sure why I wanted to see them. kind of to see if I was excluded from all candid shots for some reason. and just to see. curious idk.
Yup. Agree with all. There
Yup. Agree with all. There are other good lovers out there without the bullshit. Go find one now! He is a douche.
Physical connection is
Physical connection is honestly probably why he is with you. That never lasts and is never enough. This relationship will not last. You can either end it now or wait longer but it's not "happily ever after" story
As about wedding pics I would not expect to be in the pictures. You were treated as "plus one", not a long term partner. Actually I wouldn't want to be in the pictures if my relationship was as ambiguous. People bring dates to weddings all the time but it doesn't mean those dates should be on those pictures. Not appropriate
He is not that into you.
He is not that into you. Seriously. You do not register very high on his "give-a-sh*t-about" meter. There is such a huge disconnect between what you believe is real and what the 'facts' are telling you. What is keeping you there? Everyone hates everyone else in this unhealthy dynamic. You realize that you are messing up your own child's life by playing teen-girl crush games with folks who don't care about either of you ---- and yet you continue.
(Your "BF" is enjoying easy sex & companionship that he doesn't have to pay for and likely will say whatever he thinks you want to hear short-term so that Mr. Peter has a playdate ... ) He is very clear in expressing who he is and where you stand in his world; believe him.
Truly, this sounds as if it is a one-way, fantasized relationship with more red flags flying than at the Kremlin. Leave them alone and create your own life where you have intrinsic value and your opinions matter --- and parent your child well.
Mr. Peter had a play date.
Mr. Peter had a play date. More red flags than in kremlin. We have some funny people on this site
Omg indigo you are too funny
that one woke me up,
that one woke me up, hysterical!
Yes, it does not get any
Yes, it does not get any better either, run for the hills! It looks like I am about to split with my partner over his little witch of a daughter's wedding, except I have been with him for 11 years and done lots for his grown up kids. I am still reeling from how I was treated at the wedding, he saw nothing wrong in his daughter separating us at the wedding and lots of other stuff that he thinks I am making a mountain out of a molehill about.
Last night I tried to talk to him calmly about my feelings, he was simply not bothered and only worried about his daughter's feelings. He is really angry with me that his parties will be no more as the kids will not want to come round any more because of my reaction to his daughter excluding me at the wedding - really! Well he really put me in my place last night saying his kids will always come before me and will always be able to disrespect me and walk all over me. I am now planning my exit, enough is enough!
If he told you that his kids
If he told you that his kids will always come before you and will be able to disrespect you, you have your answer. I am sorry. Eleven years is long enough to expect at least a little bit of inclusion at your partner's daughters wedding. But the way you describe him, this is not just about the wedding. He's got other issues that make this guy not such a great catch.
The pic on fb is not your
The pic on fb is not your problem! The problem is that your man does not give one shit about you, and he has DAUGHTERS who will mess with your mind. It is not worth it.
Do you want to know if he cares? Do you want to be an equal partner? Do you want to get over your physical addiction to him? If you want his respect, break it off with him because he has repeatedly disrespected you. Walk away for a full 30 days (at least). No contact. This mini break will show a man's true colors and it gives you your dignity back. In that time you'll either miss each other and rekindle later on more equal footing, find out if/how he fits into your life, or get over him completely.
Your relationship at the moment is unsustainable so you might as well shake it up and see what happens. I have done this with three guys and their reactions helped me determine how to proceed in those relationships. You really have nothing to lose because your "man" isn't making you a priority anyway.
I don't get it. He continues
I don't get it. He continues to make it clear that you aren't important him. Yet you stay. At least he's being honest and upfront about it.
Despite having this valuable info you choose to stay because he's good in bed? Geez.
Your posts make me sad for your boy.
Dupe
Dupe
Another "dickmatized" one. I
Another "dickmatized" one. I get it sex is important. But what is this now a new fed to stay in bad relationships with bad men because of sex? Like good men with no commitment issues can't be good in bed? Lol I think the issue is that women like them "bad boys" too much and wouldn't even look for good ones.
Hitler loved dogs. Just
Hitler loved dogs. Just saying. I heard some people say that you can know if someone is a good person by how they interact with pets. Ugh
He also doted on his
He also doted on his grandchildren, I recall reading.
That's interesting, now I
That's interesting, now I wonder where I read that.
Well good! He didn't deserve any!
He didn't have kids. I think
He didn't have kids. I think you've read that he liked kids. That could be
That could be it, or that I
That could be it, or that I am losing my memory.....
Eva had kids... Hitler was a
Eva had kids... Hitler was a step dad.... makes one wonder some days
some things are not on
some things are not on wikipedia....
there's a book about it, it's not clear if it was her children or her sister children that stayed with them, what happened to the kids is unmentionable, hence the fact Hitler loved kids....
My bf is not a f*#@! Hitler -
My bf is not a f*#@! Hitler - get real!!!! geez! just stop!
Of course he isn't hitler.
Of course he isn't hitler. You said you stay with him because he can be sweet sometimes and good physical connection. The point is even the most horrible people can be sweet at times and men could be good in bed without being jerks.
Acra gives us some credit.
Acra gives us some credit. Not every piece of knowledge comes from Wikipedia lol
Eva didn't have children
DUP
DUP
I think if women are ok with
I think if women are ok with bad treatment as long as they get some in bed, then they are better off hiring escort.
ok I am not only with this
ok I am not only with this man for sex nor is he with me. he tells me he loves me all the time. there are some real extremists on here. yes we have issues - yes children from other relationships not wanting their parents to date make things very difficult but no, nobody HATES anyone. I never said that. his daughters used to be nice to me until one of them saw my son treat their dad crappy so now they are using the same tactic I guess. they try to not acknowledge me at times but they are not hateful. my son, after coming home from his dads, takes some time to get comfortable with my bf again. it's not an ideal situation and does cause a lot of stress, yes, but he is not a horrible person. he does things to help me out - he surprises me with things - he is a kind man most of the time. I am not perfect either by any means. I have been in some horrible relationships which have caused a lot of scars I'm sure. everyone at this stage in the game has baggage. I am no different.
I was hurt by the picture thing because it was like saying to me, you didn't matter then and you still don't regarding my daughter. i think because the whole wedding thing was a bad experience for me but he still shouldn't have denied me my request. once again, he wasn't informed I would not be able to sit next to him at the wedding. I would not have gone if I had known that ahead of time. yes bad planning on his daughter's part. we should have been informed. I should have figured though since the way his younger daughter had acted towards me lately and the sisters are best friends. I hadn't seen the bride in months. I am not a figure in her life at all and her dad is always with me. I think that is where the jealousy comes in with both girls - he is always with me and he never makes plans with them. nor them with him but I don't feel bad. isn't my job. I did once recently and the younger daughter was on her phone the entire time. I won't go out of MY way again to plan anything like that.
no i never expected to be in any damn wedding pictures! sheesh!
and the whole fb thing - idk - mostly people are tagging him in posts. I have noticed this in other relationships I witness on there. the men don't post much at all. my bf is a very private person. he doesn't post much at all except memories that come up. we are both very childish re fb and use it as a weapon when we are mad. it's stupid. i have even read some articles where happy couples are not even friends on fb for this very reason. it causes issues.
anyway, I was asking for advice, not to be nailed to the cross and crucified for my choosing of a mate. geez. I'm sure once again all of your Significant others are perfect people. I doubt it. i post about our issues, not the good times. yes, we do have them. a lot. and yes he is around for much more than sex. i have been in that relationship before and i know the difference.
have a little couth in your responses or don't respond please! is it really that hard for some of you to be nice? sounds to me like you might not actually be the happiest people in your perfect little worlds. either that or you just don't have any class at all. thank you to all of you who gave your honest, non-judgmental feedback though. I appreciate it so much.
Sorry soccermom, admittedly
Sorry soccermom, admittedly these forums/advice do get off-topic sometimes.
Just wanted to raise my hand
Just wanted to raise my hand and say:
"Hi, my name is Still Learning and at times I have a really screwed up marriage dynamic. My husband is a ball-less, spineless, chicken livered blob when it comes to dealing w/attitude about me from his adult children. The only way I can cope is to completely disengage from the entire situation and pretend none of them exist. Still a bit confused and shocked by their behavior sometimes but have not partaken of skid's kool-aid for a few years."
"Welcome Still Learning."
do some of you think he
do some of you think he sounds that terrible really?
if so, why? disrespecting me how? i am really curious to know your reasons. sometimes i think i overreact - i mean i do without thinking it out before i speak in the heat of the moment. but besides the wedding seating thing he knew nothing about. i was more upset at how his daughter and ex treated me.
and I'm asking of course because most men try to make you feel as if it's all you. he tells me I'm not committed and he is because i want to walk away every time there is an argument or i don't agree with something he does. he is the one always coming back around, not me.
group texting with his ex
group texting with his ex wife -
not standing up for you at the wedding
not having you back when it comes to his daughters
it's all disrespect in my eyes... sorry but if you want an honest true relationship with me, you will not be texting your ex wife about birds and flowers and shit, you will simply remove yourself from group texts... kids can text you individual and if they do not accept me then it's your job as a parent to tell your kids.... this is my wife I love her, either you treat her right or we are done
"do some of you think he
"do some of you think he sounds that terrible really?" As far as a husband, I DO think he is terrible. You say he has talked to SDs and quit texting his ex. Great, but he has said and done some really unacceptable and disrespectful things to you.
It really didn't make any difference whether he knew ahead of time what the wedding seating was. When he turned from the alter to find his seat he should have been looking for you so he knew where to sit.
He allowed his SD and ex to treat you like dog doo. If placed in a similar situation he will do it again.
"--he tells me I'm not committed and he is because i want to walk away every time there is an argument or i don't agree with something he does. he is the one always coming back around, not me." He keeps coming back around and gas lighting you because your relationship is convenient and I'm not talking about sex - you will be there to abuse again and again, accepting sub-human treatment, when another woman would have told him to take a hike a long time ago.
Believe me, I am not trying to be abrasive or sarcastic. It is really good you are asking these questions - this might be the turning point where you start seeing this relationship for what it is.
After reading your post about
After reading your post about your bf and his kids, I have a better appreciation for my fiancée daughter. I didn't have to ask to be apart of the wedding pictures, I WAS expected to be apart of her wedding pictures and I didn't even know until I got to the wedding. This was after my fiancé and I only dating for 6 -8 months. Her mother had a set a pictures with bride and groom and we had a set of pictures with the bride and groom and all pictures were posted to Facebook. Of course her mother was mad because she said she didn't understand why I was invited to the wedding and why we took pictures after dating for such a short period of time yet she did it anyway. Threfore I fully understand why the posters are responding the way they are because his actions and reactions are unreasonable. Let me also state that the dynamics of our relationship were magnified because I was the only black person in the entire building besides my daughter.and she too were in the pictures.
Also we have absolutely no issues taking pictures with ex. Wives husbands ect. In fact we take photos all together. No big deal.
i have to say he said he has
i have to say he said he has talked to both daughters about treating me better. his bride daughter didn't talk to him for a few weeks because of it he said. she said it was HER wedding!!
and he has blocked his ex
and he has blocked his ex wife on texting he said. he showed me. he will not tell his daughters not to do it though
My OSD used to send group
My OSD used to send group texts to YSD, DH and BM. DH ignored those texts and they eventually stopped. He never used that as a platform to communicate with BM.
I have the same question.
I have the same question. What's the issue then?
I personally don't think that he is a horrible boyfriend. I think he just isn't a good one.
He might be "good enough".
Just overall this relationship doesn't appear happy and satisfying. It's full of drama while it needs to be pure happiness at this stage (even with stepfamily issues). Way too many fights and confrontations . First year? Fights are dramatic too. You are leaving every time you two fight? Are you addicted to drama?
He might be telling you how he is commited but he isn't.
Plus you are telling us he makes no plans with his kids and never sees them? So he is not a good father either.
Since you've been in bad relationships only, you might not know how good relationship looks, the one that makes you happy, with good future. So you settle for something that maybe is not horrid but isn't good either. It's your choice of course.
Ps I can't imagine in the wildest dream that I wouldn't be allowed to view some pics, any pics. Can't imagine asking my DH and him saying "NO". Such rudeness wouldn't ever happen. Yet it's not even a big deal for you. He is just a wonderful BF? You two aren't even married or engaged or live together, you are dating and he already acts like an asshole. It's only going to get worse. And it's ok with you. Wow
I never said it was ok with
I never said it was ok with me. geez, hence the post. haha
I got pissed - he said he was wrong and was willing to show me. by then, I was over it and them.
you are right - I should have never been told no. I agree.
his daughters ARE very busy. they are adults - they can make plans with him too. it's a two way street. my oldest makes plans with me. he also lives within a few blocks of one of his daughters and parents and lives with his youngest daughter. so it's not like he never sees them.
the issue is his refusing in the first place and the whole facebook thing about pictures. sometimes we just wonder I guess from other people's perspective who have been in our shoes how they feel about the same situation. I was just asking for opinions and or venting on the situation like a lot of people here. obviously nobody can solve our problems for us and ultimately the decisions and changes are up to us to initiate.