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My vacation is going to be just that.

Newimprvmodel's picture

my sister and I rent a beach house for a week the past few years along with our mother. My adult kids join us and my sister’s friends have come for a few days as well. So tonight DH says he wants to invite his adult daughters! Oh no.  My immediate thought was a repeat of the weekend recently spent. His daughter stuck like glue to him and well that is NOT for that week!  

Of course I impulsively revealed too much of my thoughts, including that they still block me on FB after 10 yrs. stupid me.  I never should have mentioned that because DH laughed at me and said I need to grow up. Seriously though they are NOT being invited. They are in their mid to late 20’s and there is no reason why they need to be there. Neither one has ever met my parents or sister. Quite frankly my mother could not be trusted not to tell them off for all the crap over the years. 

Thoughts?  Truly I want it to be MY week. My family lives thousands miles away and for once. THIS IS ABOUT ME. I am prepared to tell DH he can take his kids to a beach house and I would even go, but this week is my time with my family. And no they are not a part of it. We can work towards that but not now. 

1StepForward2's picture

It always shocks us when our DH comes up with these ideas but it shouldn’t really - they just don’t get it and probably never will. They want their darlings to be included and don’t realize the thought is like nails on a chalkboard for us because of our experience with them that they can’t relate to.

I would keep it simple - no not this time -and change the subject.

 

Chmmy's picture

If they want their darlings to be included then maybe the darlings shouldnt block us SMs out of their life.

futurobrillante99's picture

The men who do this crap are trying EVERY STUPID THING they can think of to win the skids over and impress them.

It's like they have a couple cobras (kids) and a dove (wife). They want to impress the cobras so badly they come up with stupid ideas to put the cobras and the dove together thinking the cobras will grow to love the dove because of all the cool stuff she has (like a beach house), and the dove will warm up to the cobras if she just spends more time with them. In their stupid minds, proximity and time together is all that's needed.

Wrong! The cobras need to be caged/tamed and the dove needs to be protected. Otherwise, it's dinner time for the cobras.

Plantmom's picture

Men like that will always want to include their kids because no matter if they are 10, 20, or 30 they are still innocent children that didn't mean to be horrible to SM.. SM is just misunderstanding them, they are "just kids."

Harry's picture

NO.  The the word for today, NO, No SD on your vacation 

Newimprvmodel's picture

you know one SD is now moving to within 4 hours of us. Yikes!  So I was thinking that DH is going to spend many weekends with this daughter. He also has a family beach house that I am sure they will be meeting at this summer. Why have his adult daughters intrude on my family vacation. Absolutely not. It changes the dynamic drastically. He always likes to say it is not about you.  Well damn it it is about me this time. 

Did any of you travel as adults with your parents?  

 

Monkeysee's picture

What does he say isn’t about you? Maybe instead of laughing at you & telling you to grow up when his children alienate you, he could stop being a pos husband/father and actually have your back. 

Why do you stay with someone who treats you this way?

As for SD’s attending your family trip... ‘No’ is a complete sentence. If he doesn’t like it, you can happily tell HIM to grow up.

futurobrillante99's picture

No. Once I was out of high school, I was on my own. Once I had kids, my parents let us come visit them at their beach house, but only for a day or two. But they NEVER took us on vacation. My first husband's parents did pay for some vacations, but it was only to see their very young grandchildren.

ESMOD's picture

I did not travel with my parents.. but my younger (now 21) SD does take trips with us.  We went on a cruise 2 years ago together.. shared a room.  Last year we went to the Dominican Republic.. she also went with a friend.. they had their own room.  This year we are going on another cruise.. but this time she has her own single room and we have ours.  Plus we already went on a trip to panama city this year with her.

BTW... all of these trips SHE paid her way.  She is also loving and respectful to BOTH of us.  She is also adventurous and is not picky or a pain in the butt.  Her older married sister?  nahhh she is not so much fun to be around..lol.

CANYOUHELP's picture

If she makes you miserable around her, tell him you do not want to be around it anymore.  He can either correct his self absorbed daughter or you will stay away from her.  Of course your mother would want to tell her off; mine would love to do the same.  Somebody needs to correct this pointed rudeness. The problem is that nobody ever will and they will never change and that is the dysfunction you continually try to manage in your life....Thank her for blocking you...

hereiam's picture

this week is my time with my family. And no they are not a part of it

Tell him exactly that ^^^^

Your sister, your mother, and you rent the beach house, what makes him think he can invite who he wants? Some nerve.

dysfunctionally_blended's picture

Yes to all of that! These are not toddlers - they are adults that were not invited. Get. Over. It. Wah wah wah to daddy doesn't work.

YOUR family vacation. YOUR choice. 

If daddy wants a family vacation he should book it and invite whomever he chooses. 

Step-girlfriend's picture

I don't even understand why he would think to invite HIS adult kids to a trip with YOUR family when you don't even have a great relationship with them. Such a reach. As everyone else said, sorry, this is time I would like with just my family. It's not the place for his kids.

How big is this beach house, anyway? Seems like it's already starting to get a bit cramped, even before adding skids to the mix. Either way, it's a big no from me.

SacrificialLamb's picture

I would tell him "oh honey, I don't think you would be happy - my mother would likely tell them off for how poor their behavior has been over the years.  Doesn't sound like a good idea."  Since these daddies are so eager to protect their princesses, he would likely reconsider.

My DH stopped trying to force a reconciliation between OSD and I when I told him I realized he could not stand up to her, so I would do it myself from now on. Ha the look on his face makes me laugh now.

SM12's picture

i don’t blame you.  You need to make it clear this is a YOUR family vacation.   Ask him how he would feel if he planned a vacation for his kids and his side of the family and you invited all of your people? 

Siemprematahari's picture

"DH laughed at me and said I need to grow up"

^^^^^Why can't that week be about you? It should be and the one that needs to grow up and cut the cord is him.

No your SD is not invited, plain & simple. Some of these men have some d@mn nerve!

Enjoy yourself & make it known SD is not invited and nor is her presence required.

KC is not the stepmother's picture

A few years ago my SD32 was hinting around about how she always wanted to rent a beach house for Thanksgiving. So last year I rented one, DH wanted to spend Thanksgiving with her and her kids and I'd rather not spend it at her house so this was a decent option.   I found a nice place to rent with a beautiful ocean view but she asked if her new boyfriend's parents could come too. I upgraded to a larger house, this one had a great games room with pool table and arcade video games. I brought rolls of quarters for the kids. 

The boyfriend's parents no showed, I doubt she ever even invited them but she did bring her boyfriend's brother and his crazy girlfriend.  She also brought her mother's ashes and set them front and center in the living room. She also used the opportunity to have an ashes spreading ceremony at my beach house weekend that I paid for

This place was a 1 1/2 hour drive for her and 6 hours for us but she needed to rent a car.  She doesn't have a credit card or even a bank account so I had a card issued on one of my accounts solely for the purpose of the rental car deposit.  That was made very clear. The second day I started getting charge alerts and that b*tch charged $600 on my card, including her cell phone bill. 

We're no contact now and my life is so much more peaceful.

Siemprematahari's picture

You give them an inch and they take the entire yard RUNNING.....Glad you're NC! Good riddance!

NachoQueen's picture

Oh my! This story is deserving of its own post with more details!!!!! 

MissTexas's picture

1.) This is something you and your family have been planning for a long time, and that takes precedence over everything. There are literally coming from long-distance is to be with you, not her. Tell your husband that.

2.) Maybe it would be a good thing if your mother told her exactly what you think, it would be instant alienation. If S D’s can alienate SM’s, why doesn’t the road travel north and south?

lala-land's picture

Madam,  You are under no obligation to take people on vacation who are disrespectful  and have cut you out of their lives.  That is a ridiculous level of entitlement from both your husband and his adult daughters.  As others have said, NO is a complete sentence and your DH comment to you telling you to grow up, is entirely uncalled for.

oneoffour's picture

Darling, this is my family's vaction with me. Now remind me the last time SD invited me to a vaction with her family. No? Well let's not rock the boat and make things difficult. After all, this is MY family. You can organise a family vaction for your family. No problem. I am sure your girls won't fit in anyway. So that is a no go, OK?

Walk away. I have found that if you throw several scenarios at them they get befuddled and keep quiet.

still learning's picture

Go enjoy time with your family and leave the darling man and his daughters at home.  

Too old for this's picture

I got snookered into the 2 years ago. Never again. The holiday was ruined for me and my family.  She was not invited. End of discussion.

 

Starlightwest's picture

You should absolutely tell him no. End of conversation. Just wondering - have you told him yet? And when is the vacation?