After writing yet again in my "DH Journal" where I express my thoughts, I became aware that I am very grateful to this site. I realize that I am not alone. I have insight and support that I wouldn't have gotten elsewhere. For SO long, I thought I married a man that turned into a lying piece of crap that just didn't love me after we said "I do". Well, that is still generally true, but now I have more insight. :? Thank you for giving me strength and advice, just by reading posts.

I thought (since we've been married) that he was just a POS husband & father. I had no idea what "guilty daddy" meant or that was part of what was going on. Now I understand that for whatever reason, he feels guilty that his adult children are "victims" of divorce (their mother left him) and that they've been "wronged". He feels responsible for all the BS the mother fed to the kids about how awful their father is, how entitled and deserving they are... Even though he denies all this completely, thanks to everyone on this board, I see it very clearly. He's been brainwashed by all that crap & believes it.

I couldn't understand why my husband that claimed to love me would ignore my concerns & needs, lie to me, hide things from me the week after we married (although I now see that it happened from day one as he was good at hiding), and him not understand why I felt pushed away, why I was distant. I would tell him what I thought, but it was always ignored and I was often blamed for the problems. "Well, if you'd just agree with me, I wouldn't have to lie or hide things". WTH? "Oh honey, I DO love you, you just don't see it"... And all the defensive excuses... ugh..... What happened to my devoted (haha) husband?

I see that I am not alone and sadly this is very common. I thought that since I'd known him my whole life and that everything seemed good before we got married, there wouldn't be issues. I had no idea!!! I had no idea that his precious "deserving" kids (and spoiling them) would take first place and that I'd be ignored (since he lied to me about so many things when we were dating). I never dreamed that what was ours would be "theirs" and I would have no say, or that he would work his butt off just to give it all to them & leave us with debt. I had no idea he just wanted to have a wife, not a partner.

I kept my mouth shut at times, wondering what was going on. No one understood what I was dealing with. I didn't understand why my husband wasn't standing up for me, why he wasn't there for me, why I was treated like the bad guy, why I was thrown under the bus, lied to, disrespected, ignored, since he the played the "you're the love of my life" act so well when we were dating. Turns out, I'm certainly not the love of his life (which is another subject about his SECOND wife, not BM).

So to everyone that posts here, thank you for insight and support. I am hardly in a position to help anyone, but I've gotten a LOT from reading your posts. So I thank you. You've given me much helpful insight, strength, information and advice.

To everyone dealing with issues worse than mine, all I can say is that my heart goes out to you. I'm sorry that there is so much marital stress out there. I know that isn't God's plan. Hugs to you all.