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I've had enough

PromisesPromises's picture

Sorry that this is long. This is my first post, i commented on few in past but here is a bit of background. 

If you manage to get through this post 9cuz it's super long as it's 10 years here, I'll appreciate your opinion and feedback Smile

DH and I have been married for 7, going to be 8 years. We've been together for 10. When we got together his kids were SS10 and SD7. His ex has mendled into our lives with hate, lies and huge amount of alienation. Both kids were 1 week with us and 1 week with her. When with her they were not allowed to call me by my name, had to refer to my name when at her house as DB (douche bag). THey were told lies of me, that i was stripper, a witch.... they were told that next time we are a theme park together they should try to push me off a rollercoaster. Just a very toxic situation.

Regardles of this the SD and I have had a pretty good relationship. SHe had respected me as authrity and confided in me many times. I never spoke bad of their mother, I have always bit my tongue as I knew this was no way to go based on the reading I did. I wanted to make sure I am doing all best I can.

SS and I never had a good start and never really had a good relationship. He tolerated me but it's been a power strugle right from day 1. He would purpously do things like leave his dirty socks on counter, throw pillows on floor... pretty much anything we asked him not to do, he would continue to do and when we (DH and I) repeatedly reminded him not to do it, he would then turn into victim and call his BM and complain to her, she would console him and tell him that he doesn't have to listen to me.

As years went by, this was pretty much how things were. Whenever SS would do something that raised my questions to DH, DH woul do nothing about it. There was never any consequence for actions, just rewards and DH's guilt would shine through. 

Things got way worse once DH and I had a baby. Not only DH had pretty much abandoned me, started to go out excercising 3 4 times a week. Refused to get up in the middle of the night and worked late hours. I was alone with a colicky, tongue tied baby that wouldn't sleep through the night till he was 2 years old. In the meantime when i was struggling with the baby, SS then 16 would constantly skip school. He would come home while i was trying to nap with baby on couch and startle me becasue no one was expected to be home. THis was daily. One time i woke to smoke in the house cuz SS decided to skip school and i didn't hear him come in. I woke smelling smoke not knowing anyone was home. SS decided to go to basement and start burning papers. DH didn't do much but just yelled at him.

Things continued to go south but one very apparent thing was the entitlement of the SS and him walking around the house like he owned the place with his chest up like a peacock. SD was helpful with baby brother but that was really the only positive thing. Unfortunatelly due to the very difficult delivery and misdiagnosed PTSD, I was told i had PPD and was placed on meds which didn't work. Having no family in this country as i moved here alone when i was 18, and DH acting like a resentful child becasue he was getting less attention, Plus SS wanting to live with us F/T and DH allowing it and this toxic household continued daily with not much breaks for me. THi sled to my detriment and eventually all turned to Major depression and i attempted to take my life. 

I was rushed to hospital in serious condition and emergency surgery. Stayed in recovery under 24/7 watch and then in the psychiatric ward for a month. During this time DH allowed SS to drive my car knowing that I was not allowing it. He had given SS the authoroity to caretake for our son. SS became the spouse. I was released with a safety plan and ongoing therapy. DH when picking me from the hospital on 1 of 3 relapses, told me to fix myself.

Next thing you know, SS started coming home late and smelling like weed. I told this to DH and he questioned SS. Next thing, i got a text from SS saying to stay out of his shit. DH did nothing.

Each time there was an issue, DH would pretty much throw me under the bus. I was the scapegoat of every difficult situation.

SS didn't like high school, then he decided to call a suicide line before a big test. Was picked up by police and taken to hospital. There they didn't find much. He would not cooperate with doctors and DH was there every day. Doctors said he possibly may have mild depression and they will reccomend meds. SS refused to take any meds so nothing was changing. However DH managed to rund to school every other day pleading with School land teachers for his son't grades and making sure he would pass each class with no effort from SS, hiding behind a mentall illness which was not really diagnosed.

Then we had a tripl planned to Florida. 3 weeks prior to trip, DH gets a phone call from police station. They picked up SS then 17 (few months shy of 18) and 2 other friends. They were drinking and decided to vandalise my sons future kindergarten. They sprayed swastikas, penises and racial hate. Caused 20K in damages to the catholic school. SS was given the full fine of 10K even though he had a lawyer as he gave the cops the most trouble by not respecting authority and showing no remorse. DH helped him pay the fine and also wrote an appology letter for SS since SS wrote one and it wasn't good enough and rejected by lawyer. Ofcourse no reprimand from DH, instead DH got upset with me for telling what happened to my niece, he got angry and told me that if his son goes to jail it's my fault. Florida trip happened and SS went with us, all expenses paid. While in Florida he treated me like crap but DH didn't care.

Then DH gave him a 20K car for free which caused SS to be even more disrespectful to us as now he no longer needed us to drive wih places, he was self sufficient.

SS finished Highschool with a very very low grade and really only finished it due to DH and his pleads with the school. He started working as a security guard for company where DH is a VP.   AFter few shifts he was kicked out from the site and moved to another site, then another. Then while on his night shift, instead of going to work he called the suicide line again. Stayed in hospital for 2 weeks on form. DH and BM taking turns showing up daily to figure out what is going on. DH asked him why he called etc...  he said he doesn't want to work as security guard. DH told him you need to keep a job since you don't like school, SS then told him "well now it will be up to the DR to decide that". DR told DH that he sees some ODD but otherwise he is fine and he should continue working until he finds something else. Once released from hospital he was off work for 3 weeks in a ddition. DH asked him about a job, then SS told him he wanted to go back to security. 3 shifts in he called the suicide line again but this time from another city, he drove to another city ( i am guessing in an attempt to get into different hospital). Same thing happened there and no diagosis. Noticed that DH would not go daily to visit but every other day. This time SS was blaming the whole situation on me. Said that he is scared of me, he doesn't sleep at night becasue he fears I will stab him in his sleep etc.... told him that the food i cook tastes like crap and that i do nothing all day (I work full time and care for toddler, dog, keep the house clean, cook). Then told DH that he wants to go back to live 1 week on and 1 week off at his mothers to give him a break from me. DH asked if he wanted to live with BM full time and he said that she doesn't want him living there F/T, he already asked. BM ofcourse started preaching DH to get me into some cooking lessons and get me some therapy since her son told her all these wonderful things about me and she agrees with SS. I on the other hand was very happy with that idea of every other week as everytime he enters the room i feel like air is sucked out. He carries some dark aura with him which i can feel very much. I am a daughter of a narcissistic single mother who abused me phisically and emotionally, i can tell body language like no other and can sense danger.

The new living arrangement lasted 2 weeks when SS asked DH to move back in F/T with us. Totally didn't make sense to me since he claims that I am causing him anxiety and stress and he can't sleep. This time DH asked me and I said no or at least not yet. We started couples therapy which i requested in a heated argument. This therapy was going to turn into family therapy to help with our house issues.  DH told SS not yet so SS called a suicide line again. Back in hospital again and now he started showing some psychosis at the hospital once becasue he was moved from a private room to a room with 2 other men and they had tattoos. This time SS blamed BM for being there, all his problems and blamed her for the fact he is the way he is. BM called DH crying becasue she felt this was unfair and she doesn't understand this as in her opinion she did nothing wrong and it's all DH and mine fault.

As SS was going back and forth and pretending to be a changed person, started going to the gym and eating healthier and acting as if he was mature now and all DH and I were still in therapy which was going very slow as the therapist noticed that we are not on the same page regarding parenting and we need to work on that before we can fix anything in our house. 

SS was constantly beggin DH to move back in F/T as he claimed he fights all the time with BM and it's not a healthy environment for him and he doesn't want to be depressed etc.. (i shoul dmention that our house has no roles, it's bigger, SS and SD each have a computer in their bedroom, basement is taken over by SS and his paly system and DH never applies consequences to any wrong doing). BM's house has 2 tv's, one in SD room and one in living room, 1 PC that they have to share and no basement adn i assume there are quite a few rules. He also started sleeping all day there and being awake all night where he was cooking for himself and showering, keeping others up.

We decided to come up with a set rule plan which DH and I both agreed on and then told SS that he can move back in but he had to follow the rules. He agreed on all except eating dinner as a family together, he said he is on a special diet where he eats no red meat and he wants to make his own food. I agreed but told him he has to clean up after he makes his meals and keep his food in the xtra fridge downstairs so that we don't confuse his food and ours etc... We also agreed on mutual respect, laundry schedule etc... Very simple rules to be honest but one major one was that he goes to his monthers every other weekend and is either working or going to school.

Then SS had his 19th bday. From that point on he started to sleep all day and wake all night keeping me, DH and our now almost 4 year old up. When DH got upset with him about it, he would say that he doens't want to go to his mothers for the weekend. We said rules are rules (that weekend was a mental break for me mostly and therapist advise that i need that since even though i am not longer depressed, I am still in recovery and in a stressfull situation). Every other weekend it was the same thing. SS asking DH if he can stay or come back after a day, DH asking me, me saying no and DH telling SS that I said no. One weekend on Sat morning him and BM had a fight cuz he kept her up all night with showering and cooking at 3am after being home all evening so it's not like he went out and did this. He went to sleep and set his alarm for 3am to get up. She called DH and told him that they had a fight and that he will go to friends house for the rest of the weekend. Well he came to our house that Saturday at 10pm and told us he lives in our house, this is his house and we have no right to tell him to go to his mothers. He will no longer follow our ridiculous rules and there is nothing we can do about it. My heart rate jumped so hight that night, i bit my tongue. DH said he will talk to him  after couple of days and we let it go that night becasue as DH explains it, it would have gotten out of hand. Couple days later DH spoek to him and SS said that he wants us to kick him out becasue he doesn't feel comfortable in our house and wants to live at a shelter where he can do some studyin gand get on his two feet. DH tol dhim well if that is what you want, thats fine we will revisit after christmas holidays so lets just try to have peaceful holidays. When DH told me that, I was surprised but then started looking forward to SS exit plan as I think he is very entitled, enabled, bored and toxic, appears to be doing things for attention. I even catch him sneaking in a room when we think he went upstairs so he can listen to what we talk about... it's like he is trying to cause havoc all the time on daily basis.

Well January came and DH spoke to SS and SS apparently changed his mind. Now he wants to go to college in September and take some online courses. When DH asked about getting a P/T job, SS said... whats the point. When i talk ed to DH, I said we have rules and he needs to do something, well that went one ear and got out the other. It's been 3 months now where SS is not working and not going to school, goes to his monthers every other weekend but always causes drama before, during and after. When he is at our house he is there 24/7 on his PC or playing video games. Sometimes goes to the gym. He leaves dishes in the sink, every day i find containers of his food in our fridge, does laundry on our schedule even when we tell him were not done with doping laundry. Pretty much every rule we have has been nroken over and over and DH still has no reprocussions, all he does is either clean up after SS or gets angry with SS and yells at him but no consequences.

SS walks around the house like he owns the place, the other day he started belching as he was looking at me ion a demeaning way. He walks around in the middle of the night clicking his flip knife that he claimed he bought for protection. DH says he can't kick him out everytime we argue about this. I started ignoring SS completelly so he always kicks it up a notch.

DH and I haven't been close for over a week now. This morning again I saw containers in the fridge, instead of teeling DH in hopes he deals with it, I tooko them and moved them to the fridge downstairs which is empty. Snet a text to DH letting him know what i did and that next time i see food again in our fridge, I will place it in the garbage, maybe then he will learn becasue obviously whatever DH is doing, is not working.

I am so tired of this crap. I feel like I am on my own in my own corner with my 4 year old, my SD now 16 doing her own thing, trying to create happy memories and times and all i have is stress, spineless DH and and this toxic individual that is purpously causing havoc and daily show offs that he is in power above all.

If you made it this far, thank you. Any feedback would be very welcome.


OKtoStep's picture

This whole situation sounds very very stressful. I'm sorry you're stuck in it. You are being forced to live with a young man who's mother won't even house him. That's a big problem.

Sweetie, you have a husband problem. He's letting his adult son to lay around, bully you and misuse the mental health system to force people to his will. The second the kid said he wanted to go live at a shelter, your DH should have dropped him right off. 

PromisesPromises's picture

I know, I wish he would have but he like some others appears to have no backbone and guilt / fear coward like behaviour. Doesn't help that he is covert narcissist himself.

Exjuliemccoy's picture

This situation and these people are toxic for you. It has made you so miserable that you tried to end your life!

Why don't you leave?

PromisesPromises's picture

You are right and I can see that now and wish i could go back 10 years ago and run. Even if i could get back to the time I was yet pregnant, I wish i left but these tru colours were not yet seen by me.

It's hard to leave someone that you love and just wish he loved you back enough to place you first. It's hard when I have no other family and DH is a covert narcissist, everyone in his family thinks he is a perfect husband. It's hard because i grew up with one parent and wished I had both and promised my child when i was pregnant that I will do what required to break that cycle in my family. It's hard becasue I have a history of mental issues now and DH knows and told me he will never let me have my son. It's hard becasue my son is all i have that is real in this world and I just wouldn't be able to cope with being with him part time in best case scenario.

sandye21's picture

The only difference between the degree of your mental issue vs. your DH is that you've had treatment and he hasn't .  You will never get a covert narcissist into therapy, but you CAN get documentation on how this has affected you.  Covert narcissists are all about appearances but in private they are totally different people.  They may look good to a certain group of people but if you question your friends, you might be surprised that they have noticed certain behaviors of his are not in your best interests.  Covert narcissits bait you and take advantage of your sensitivities.  So you must be very steadfast and clear with your boundaries and human rights. 

Psychology today:  

8 Tips for Coping with a Critical Narcissist

1. Ignore. Like dealing with a bully, if you ignore the harshness, it gives them no satisfaction, and they will find someone else to pick on.

2. Don’t take the bait and fight with them. Turn the other cheek, and don’t justify or defend your actions to them when you do.

3. Understand their criticism for what it is: It is not about you. It is about their disorder. Don’t personalize what is said to you.

4. When you communicate, set clear boundaries, and use clear communication. Say what you mean directly.

5. If you have to make a decision to stay away, make it clearly and boldly, and follow through.

6. Believe in your own intuition and feelings. Our bodies tell us when something is not right, and when people are treating us badly.

7. Remember, you get to protect you, and you can do it. Don’t expect other people to rescue you from a narcissist. It is empowering to stand up to them and claim your voice.

8. Remember that we all deserve to be treated with kindness and compassion. It’s a worthwhile goal to work to bring more kindness into the world for others. Be an example for your kids, friends, and family.

Empathy is the antithesis of narcissism. What can you do today to bring love into your world and stamp out the impact of narcissists?  

PromisesPromises's picture

Thank you for this. I'm definitelly trying to deal with this situation as best I can. I'm constantly worrying that I'll regret leaving and that I won't see my son. It's a vicious cycle. I will be 40 in few months and I have dealt with narcs all my life and their abuse and use of my energy. I'd like to think at times I'm.stronger due to it but at moments I lack strength to keep going.

Steptotheright's picture

Well, that's quite a mess.

Teen boys just love strutting around with their chest out don't they. It's alarming to me that your H has pointed out that you now have a history of mental issues and that he will never let you have your son. 

it should be reminded to all parties involved that the mental issues were brought about by the dysfunctionality, neglect, and disregard of both SS and H.

I think you need to seek an advocate. You're not as trapped as you think. just because you sought help at one time doesn't mean you are unfit to raise your son.. and that is the argument you need to go for.

Furthermore you can start building a case against SS. Any crazy text he sent. Get a digital recorder and record his crazy verbal diatribes. He's already on record for calling suicide hotlines. And it should be recorded that BM no longer wants to house him. A case can therefore be made that SS is a danger to your son and you can use that to your advantage in a custody battle.

PromisesPromises's picture

Yes ofcourse. I know that the hosoty of the last 10 years has caused the situation with my health. I did feel strong at one point and demanded that DH searches through SS room to make sure nothing is there that could cause harm to my son as our doors dont lock to bedrooms. Well after several times I asked and he didnt so I did it and just being in his room felt dark and full of negative energy, I immediately felt anger and resentment. Once DH got home we got in a fight and he told me to get the f out of his house and took my son to the basement claiming he was doing that to protect him from me. I was scared and called a helpline. They had two officers respond. Once they got here and each spoke to each of us, I was asked to leave the house becasue DH was holding my son and I was hysterical. Then as I complied and was packing few things DH told them that he is worried about me and they shouldn't let me leave but take me to hospital as I am off meds.

They took me handcuffed to the hospital. After long hours i was finally seen at 4am by a doctor who has released me from there within 20 min as he felt i was fine. He also recommended strongly that i file a complaint with the police department which i have.

When i gain strength, him and his security background gets around it. I am too emotional at times (specially if i have a glass or tow of wine to cope) and it ends up being a nightmare.

Ispofacto's picture

Lock your valuables in your car.

I would sabotage the wifi on a daily basis.  Throw his food out.  Secretly donate his clothing and games to Goodwill.  Tell him you have no idea what happened to them.  Gaslight him.  Disable his car.  Turn the heat down to 55 when you're not home.  Stop buying groceries.  If you husband buys groceries, throw them out.  Eat out with your son every night.  Be calm and serene.  And videotape him losing his sh!t, for posterity.  I would call the police on him every time he threatened me.

Terrorize the little fμcker.


SteppedOut's picture

Lololol! Yes!

My favorite post of the day, maybe week!

PromisesPromises's picture

Omg I thought of all of this so much. One part of me is eager to do some of that, another tells me that karma will follow me and I will get paid back because that's wrong. Another part tells me that knowing SS and DH he will fight back by doing same or worse and DH will still not reprimand his behaviour.

shamds's picture

And exwife are gaslighting you. Exwife even wants to control you in your own home and told your husband to send you for cooking classes?? Wtf!!

how is this situation not makingn you depressed. You’ve bottled this up with the mentality it aint worth it and its built up the resentment and anger and depression till you had no outlet. You can’t even confide in your husband and your only option felt like trying to take your life even with a young child.

you are overwhelmed and angry and frustrated. Op you need to bring the pain on your husband. He’s a shit husband and a shit father. He doesn’t care or respect you!! If he did he would actively be making big changes, firm changes and lay down the law!! 

I have many issues with skids and my husband of 5+ years. Nothing is perfect but i still openly confide and vent to him my issues. He does lag down the law and gotten much better at it. He knows that if i left him even his own kids from exwife do not care about him. That shocks him into making thise active changes the pat few yrs because it made him angry how his kids treated me and our 2 kids together that i wanted a divorce and hubby had daddy divorced guilt which he needed to move past. At least when i tell hubby i had enough and won’t be with skids any further hubby told them for holidays hubby would be overseas with me and they were not coming because they ruin the mood and no one wants their holidays and happy time ruined by their antics. 

You need to find it in you and end this shit drama shitstorm. Ss brings drugs into the home, tip off to the police!! 

You are not the reason why ss will be in jail!! Its solely ss fault and his parents did nothing to help address these issues. He vandalised a kindergarten and got rewarded with a $20,000 car?? Wtf is wrong with your husband? Wtf is he teaching his son?? And your kids?? What is he teaching them??

PromisesPromises's picture

Oh wow, I'm so happy that your DH was able to get past the guilt and started doing what's right. I feel like those that do the right thing and stick with their partner and as they should, their marriage lasts and becomes that 25% of remarriage that dont and in divorce. 

Mine is under ether of his son, his sons word is the word and I'm overreacting about all as per him and he doesnt believe what I say is tru. 

I bought small hidden cameras that I plan to start utilising and catch what I need to catch and start bring that into the therapy sessions.

I totally agree with you on the gaslighting part, it's been 10 years of hell but was hoping it will all get better, Instead it didnt just got more unbearable and ahowd the tru colours of the lies I've been told.  I definitelly need a strategy. It's hard to recover from what I had gone through while dealing with all this.

Rearview's picture

Stop. Just like a heroin addict us addicted to heroin  you've become addicted to this emeshment and dysfunctional life style.  If you want different results  YOU HAVE TO STOP WHAT DOESN'T WORK.  I am so sorry you've had to go through this alone.  Find a therapist who will help you build confidence to be.....1. Alone not dependent on any one but yourself.   When you find THAT LEVEL of confidence,  then you take step 2...create boundaries of (I will not tolerate ( blank) any more).  Then ENFORCE it. If you find they "dh, ss or who ever disrespect your boundaries,  CUT THEM OUT OF YOUR LIFE PERIOD.   Refuses to live in TOXICITY from thus day forward.  IF DH loves you and knows he will loose you he will begin to change. It might take him baby steps but you must begin the process.  If he digs in his heals refuses to change then YOU KEEP WORKING YOUR HAPPINESS PLAN. Which may not include him.  Find the audio book by Allison Bottke "setting boundaries with adult children ".  Get the audio and ask him to listen  to it. It worked wonders in me, and helped my situation. Best wishes.

PromisesPromises's picture

Thank you, I'll look into the book. I've been trying to meditate and listen to bineural beats. All was working wonders until SS decided to open doors to my bedroom while I was in bed during meditation. The noise startled me and he was just standing in the doorway staring at me.

Told DH, he questioned SS and SS told him that our dog opened the door and he was just passing by. Not true.

Since I havent been able to get into deep meditation as before, I need to work on that.

We are in therapy and I'm hoping I can get some footage with the mini hidden cameras I have and will start using to have proof.

Winterglow's picture

I much agree with throwing out any food that isn't yours and is found in your fridge. I also think it is high time you put a lock on your bedroom door and used it, not only for your own peace of mind and tranquility but also for your own safety. I would have been locking my door the minute I heard someone play with a flick knife in my house. How does your DuH justify him having a flick knife? And how about playing with it when everyone is asleep? Oh yes, of course, it didn't happen, you only dreamed it did, right?

You might also ask your DuH WTF his so is doing in your part of the house at night ... (make sure you have visual proof of that).

PromisesPromises's picture

DH doesnt believe what I tell him and says that I dont know what he is clicking when he walks around the house. It sounds like a flip out knife that he bought but I need to get proof.

Yesterday I noticed our wall clock was showing exactly wrong time, we changed batteries not long ago, I am sure that SS changed the time just becasue he does things like that, just to screw with people's minds. I'm getting a first tattoo on saturday to cover scars on my inner wrists, it's a very personal thing for me becasue I'm covering a bad part of my life. DH put that on our kitchen calendar. I had a business card of the artist I'm getting it done by. I placed the business card in the basket where I keep my keys. This morning I found it all bent out of the shape behind the toilet in the bathroom I dont go into but is solely used by SS and SD. I asked DH how did this happen and he just says they propably found it and decided to throw it out. It's just all little things like that that appear innocent but I know they are not and I just need to somehow get proof.

CLove's picture

Document EVERYTHING every day. Get a journal and a lockbox.

Protect yourself. Its time to leave. You know this, you just need to get yourself into a better and stronger place emotionally.

Missingme's picture

Okay, I read the first few paragraphs and it's plain to see that you're living in hell and it's making you sick.  I've been in similar, but nothing like what you're going through.  You absolutely must leave him and deal with having to split custody.  You can do this.  There is no alternative and I mean none.  God bless you as you get the mental and physical strength to do what you must do.  

Doodlemadmummy's picture

I read this with great interest and draw parallels with much of your experience, particularly with regard to having a narcissist in my early life and my SO being a closet narc.  Only last Sunday I had the biggest wake up call at the age of 56.  I ended up in Accident & Emergency, my SO had gaslighted me and tormented me so much I felt I could not go on.  I too am very isolated having moved 300 miles to be with him in his home town. I have never been the Alpha Female in his life, his two daughters have made sure of that.  They have been allowed to put a wedge between us and it is so firmly there now any attempt to redress the balance is futile and exhausting.

The point I am coming to is, the lady I saw at the hospital from Psych Liaison, remarked that apart from dealing with my relationship with my SO, I need to deal with the relationship with my Mother and the residual mental health problems she has caused.  She said "it is no surprise you stay in a relationship where you are mentally and emotionally abused, it fits the jigsaw of your life - it is all you know".  It made so much sense to me.  Why do I put myself through it?  Because I don't think I'm worth anything else.

I think covert cameras are one thing, but the essence of this is you need to work on yourself and unravel why you allow this behaviour.  You need to work on your self esteem and not give anyone the opportunity to penetrate you emotionally.  If you engage with therapy FOR YOUR SELF, I am convinced you will be given every support to live in the community with your baby.  You will not find the answer in the bottom of a bottle so the alcohol will have to go. It will never be possible to evaluate the efficacy of any medication whilst you are adding alcohol to the mix.  With the right medication, therapy and emotional support there is absolutely no reason why your baby should be taken from you.

It is not going to be easy for either of us, but I have made the first steps of engaging with my GP, liaising with a solicitor and getting the house valued.  My decision is made, I'm out of here.  I am sending you comforting and strengthening vibes.  You are worth so much more than this.

sandye21's picture

You could be writing about me!!!!  I have to tell you that once you go to counseling by yourself, you have to work hard and be determined to cure yourself for your future happiness.

I grew up in a physically and emotionally abusive environment.  Like you, my Mother carried on the 'tradition' until June of last year.  She was 93 years old.  "it is no surprise you stay in a relationship where you are mentally and emotionally abused, it fits the jigsaw of your life - it is all you know".  and this is SOOO true!!!

Today I can not believe the crap I have allowed in my life!  BUT I am working hard to make the remainder of my life happy and content.

"If you engage with therapy FOR YOUR SELF, I am convinced you will be given every support to live in the community with your baby. "  OP, you can do this for you AND your baby!

Missingme's picture

I feel the sorriest for your bio child who has to live in that horrible and horribly depressing environment that you're contributing to, btw.  Get out of there and give your child a chance at a happy life.  This is heartbreaking...for the child.  As parents, we must put ourselves aside for the child's sake.  If you don't have a family try temporarily help you, you could check ty o see about getting public assistance to help you get on your feet.  Call DHS and or Google up "public assistance" in the town you live in.  You can do this!