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chickadee1444's picture

So his granddaughter who dates the guy next door comes over, walks in the door, ask "where's the old man" and heads down to the rec room.She stays maybe 2 mins and leave and doesn't even say goodbye.I go down and ask my H whats up with that.He says"She came to invite ME over( next door) for wings" "I said and I'm not invited?" No, because his D is going" It wasn't but a few months ago that SD was running these people down and reporting them to the township because their yard is a mess..and now she's over there taking wings to about two-faced.So I tell my H to go if he feels good about it, but if it were me I would say.."sorry if my wife isn't invited, I won't be coming" So, he gets all bent out of shape and blames me for not forgiving his D for calling me a physco,pushing me and calling the police on me to have me thrown out of her fathers house. I say" has she ever apoligised to me?" answer..All my fault again.Then his D has the nerve to call here and ask her father if he's coming..I am shaking, I am so annoyed and upset.I'm upset with him, his grandadughter, his daughter and the neighbours..I just sent a box of my clothes over this morning because they are on welfare adn I try to help out when I can...H shakes his fist in anger at me and says " another day in paradise" He says he is not allowed to have any friends( he's with them almost everyday and I say nothing)..he loves to over off he goes.I tell him if I end up back at the shelter over this crap again I will NOT be coming back.Tomorrow I am having a birthday party for my daughter, granddaughter and son in law and now I don't want him here..what should I do..can't stop shaking and I over reacting?

20YearsAsAStep-Mom's picture

It will never change - you know that deep down right? I think you should follow your instincts and get away. Shaking his fists in anger??? WTH - he sounds mean and unstable. You deserve so much better, go and take care of yourself .

chickadee1444's picture

he just came back.I asked "how was it?" "I had a drink. some wings and a chat, no big deal" big deal to him. I am beginning to realize that he has a mean streak, but no one else see's it..I talk to my counsellor on Thursday..I'm thinking at my age..I need to have some happiness.Thanks for your response !

omgsaveme's picture

Oh hell no he f**kin went???? That would be a done deal right there, I would throw his ass out right now, now, now,now or leave. On principle he should have said "what about my wife" OMG I am so pissed for you, fuckin leave and stay gone. If it doesnt make a difference then you need to fuckin stay gone. ASSHOLE !!

bi's picture

i would not be there when that SOB got back. and i would not be leaving a note, either.

chickadee1444's picture

You're right ..he's an @@shole, no candy coating it..he says, I wasn't asked because they knew I wouldn't go because his daughter was there..he can't see anything wrong with the whole mess, thinks it's fine and I'm the crazy one.I told him if my family did tht to him I would have stayed home. My kids have shown him nothing but respect since day one.I would be gone tonight if I didn't have family party planned..he's going to be one lonely old man..sad..he could have a good life, but chooses not to.

omgsaveme's picture

God I am so pissed. My DH and I were watching tv one day when someone on tv said your kids will get older and leave you to be with their DH and DW but your hubby will always be there to stay". He nudges me and says see, see ? I will always be there. I told him to practice what he preached.You are his WIFE, he needs to RESPECT that. My DH is so spineless, like a freakin jellyfish. You do NOT deserve to be in PAIN. You deserve to be happy, Either have an affair with the gardener, or leave this PITA. Another day in paradise ?? Are you fucking kidding me ? The fact that he thought it ok for her to not greet you in YOUR house and that he went to the party. Ugh ugh and ugh again.

momof5_1969's picture

Are you overreacting? Hell no!!! I am pissed for you! I would have gone fricking ballistic on my DH if he went and I wasn't invited. We have been in this very situation, ended up in marriage counseling, counseling with our pastor, etc., because of it. Suggest counseling if you want to try and make it work.

My DH's oldest daughter stayed over one night, when her house is 3 mins away -- but I think she was trying to worm her way into ours because she was at our house all the time -- and just because of that (and because I'd told him repeatedly if he EVER allowed her to live in our home EVER again I was gone. So because of that one moment -- when he left the house to go buy her baby diapers -- I grabbed my suitcase, packed and left, with no return date in site.

When I calmed down a few days later, and could talk without yelling at him, I texted and said he could call me when he had time -- and told him what had to change before I was coming home.

That has happened and more! You have to follow through, and if he wants the marriage bad enough he will fight for it.

I do wish you all the best, and I do hope you enjoy your time with your own family.

chickadee1444's picture

All I really wanted was some respect and a least a chance to say "no thank you" and no way did I want to see her miserable face.
I asked him last night "what have I ever done to her or to your son for them to treat me this way?" He doesn't even know himself..but, I know..I'm alive and their mother isn't.

Towanda's picture

Sorry Chickadee, I am sure you are seething knowing how your DH witnessed that horrible treatment of you via his Dear Daughter. I know it sent you packing to a woman's shelter.
Then, he has the nerve to not even be loyal to you by spending time in her presence eating wings and drinking it up! Yea, I would really pissed too.

Well, you have a car now, get out and do something! If you have chosen to stay in this relationship, only You are going to change. They are not going to change. The sooner you accept this, the better. You may have to fake the smile for now, but start treating yourself better. The Steps are dead to you now. Not your problem. No more trying to make them like you. You are a sweet loving person. Spend it with someone who will appreciate it!

chickadee1444's picture

I feel like a complete idiot, trusting that he would love me..he was only afraid of loosing the house and being alone.

chickadee1444's picture

I drove to pick up my son and granddaughter in the next town 1 hour away this morning.When I got back at noon my H was not here.He came back after my family had all left.I asked where he was.He said he went to the cemetery and of course to visit his lovely daughter.Seeing her yesterday was not enough I guess.He says he didn't discuss our argument..he is nothing but a liar and I don't trust him one bit.
It was actually very nice without him here stress and no pretending evereything is fine. My kids asked where he was.I told them what happened yesterday.They are pretty pissed about that too about his inconsiderate behavior toward me and his daughter and granddaughters sneaky way to get him over to the neighbours.I am now waiting to settle down, de-stress myself and get the hell out of this one sided marriage where his dead wife( he admitted last night he is still in love with her) and daughter and family come first. I kind of feel sorry for him.Bet his D puts him in a home if the time comes when he can't take care of himself.For sure she isn't going to take care of him.She doesn't do it for her own grandmother.

forgotten wife's picture

" My kids asked where he was.I told them what happened yesterday.They are pretty pissed about that too about his inconsiderate behavior toward me and his daughter and granddaughters sneaky way to get him over to the neighbours."

Don't confide in your children about your marital problems. It's what he does and it's not fair to you or his DD. You can't have a double standard. Sorry, I'm not trying to offend you, just help.

omgsaveme's picture

Um dont wait for things to settle down, your DH admitted he is in love with someone else, dead or not his heart is not with you. Leave and get you someone younger lol.Staying around this situation is going to be toxic.