Why are you still with this guy? You have been writing about him and his treatment of you for a long time.  By him allowing his kids to exclude you to make life easy for him, he's showing you exactly where you fit in his life.   

Nothing has changed for your skids because your DH is happy to chase them, and the roads/airways only go to them. If they felt like they were responsible for visiting their father, they might feel differently about not being allowed in your home.

But to answer your question, I disengaged from OSD. As a result I no longer see her children either. It's been almost 4 years. DH goes to visit, and over time it has become less and less. Men care about their comfort the most. He's aging and tired of always making the trip. OSD won't lift her finger to come to our town (which BTW is a nice vacation spot); she expects everyone to go to her.  

Maybe your DH will get tired of it too, depending on his age.  But I still think he has shown you for a long time where you fit in his life. He is not afraid of losing you because you keep taking it. When you start packing up boxes, he might pay attention.

"So in my case going no contact did not do anything to the Skids or grkid. I was not allowed anyway. Nothing has really changed for them at all. "

It may have done nothing for Skids or Grkid but it helped you create boundaries. You removed yourself from very toxic people who mistreated you and its sad that you're H allowed it. Good that your H goes on his own to see them but what's with this BS that you were not "allowed". I can't imagine how your H didn't have your back demand respect for his wife.

that he’s so blinded by their evil and waiting like a beggar for their dirty scraps and the only time he gets their attention is when there is a financial incentive for the skids and bam he drops everything for them when there were more important things in our life with our kids that were urgent.

ss20 lives at home when not at university, i pretend he doesn’t exist in my life because that is how he treats me. I am invisible.

my husband’s 2 daughters with ex he has not seen 5 months ago, they message him when needing favours but the youngest doesn’t. It is what it is for me...

If skids invite my husband without me he won’t go. If they try to manipulate to get him on his own he refuses. 

There is a difference between you disengaging and choosing no conact, and you not being ALLOWED.

My husband would laugh if his daughter told him I was not allowed. To be clear, he would laugh at her, for thinking that she had that power.

This is exactly why I am a proponant of being all in at the side of my bride. I would never abandon my place at her side.. particularly if a toxic POS demanded that I not participate. That would invoke  in their faces full participation from me.

Rather than not participating I would suggest full participation and doing that in the most in their faces happy way possible.  Go looking one's best, radiate happiness, rub their noses in it, and tolerate no bullshit.

Toxic people are much like cockroaches. They will scurry for the dark corners when a light is thrown on in a dark roach filled room. Be the light. The roaches will scurry.

And... have fun doing it.  Make baring their toxic asses your favorite hobby. Be very good at it.

They did not want me around at certain times initally (should have caught on to that one); and now that I have had no contact for years, they ask why I am not around. It is hilarious, the history of nastiness speaks for itself and is available for all to see in numerous publications, events. etc. It is no secret how they wanted no part of me.

Funny now, that seems to concern them--where I am. Game is getting boring without the target around. I see it this way. My DH cannot correct them, he has no parenting skills; they turned out they way they did as a result. There is nothing I can do to help him or the situation.  I have one choice with my DH, either stay away from the sickness or go be their doormat even more than he is.

I should not care when he sees them or how many times, it is better really- if I do not know.  All I want to do is never see them again. I would get a divorce if I had to be around them, the way this man acts (turns into a different man), around them. I am convinced that testosterone injections along with a brain transplant, would never help him become a protective husband or responsible parent to his adult brats.

I think you should celebrate you "are not allowed" to be there....you would have ended up not going, most likely, nonetheless.  Now you have a clean slate--- it is on them-not you. Tell them thank you for leaving you out and if it gets too much for you.....move him out too.

I have 4 stepchildren.  I have contact with 3 of them at the moment.  I've always had a good relationship with the boys, the girls not so much.  Several years ago (about 3-4) I told my husband that the girls were not allowed at our home because they were just nasty, nasty to me and I was done with them.    The relationship with the oldest stepdaughter has improved greatly because she has finally grown up (she's almost 40 - about time) and her partner has been a good influence in her life.  We see her and her family frequently and she has been to our home on many occasions.  We even had Christmas with her and her brothers at our house this year. 

I have absolutely no desire to see other SD (who is a few years younger than oldest SD).  My husband has gone to see them many times over the years.  They are actually scheduled to come this weekend to our home to help my husband clean up our yard, garage etc.  I will not be there - I have made other plans for the day on purpose.  I told him I have no desire to be around her so I won't be there.  I know he was upset about it but he let it go. 

I have NEVER discouraged him from seeing any of his children.  I always encourage him to go to birthday parties, weddings, grad parties etc.  He usually does not want to go alone and without me but I tell him that I have no desire and that it is my choice and has nothing to do with him and his relatiionship with his children.  It is MY life and I get to choose who I spend time with and I choose not to spend time with her and her family.  She is the only one who has taught her children NOT to call me Grandma.  All the other stepkids, even the other SD tells her kids that I am Grandma.  Honestly, why would I want to stay and be around the grandkids that don't even know me because their Mom won't allow us to develop a relationship.  It would just be awkward etc.  I let my husband talk about this SD and her family all the time and I just smile and nod my head etc.  I have no desire to hear about them or talk about them but he does and I love him and I know he loves his daugther even though she is one of the vilest people I've ever met.  She likes to manipulate people and she is very good at manipulating her Dad and youngest brother.  Of course, DH does not see it so I do not bother saying anything about it anymore.  

So for me my husband can have unlimited contact with any and all of his children.  However, I choose if and when I have contact with them.  For the most part it is only difficult when it comes to the one SD.  I just concentrate on the relationships I have with the grandkids and do things to encourage them and develop our relationship further.

 I haven't had any contact with SD in over 8 years.  She is not allowed in our home unless DH can inform her front of me that she is to respect me as his wife - especially in my own home.  DH can visit her just about whenever he wants but he has chosen not to in those 8 years.   I know she punished him fir staying with me but as with other posters, this is his problem to deal with.  He did not and still doesn't have the guts to stand up for me.  And I don't think he has the courage to face SD either.  No pity for self-inflicted wounds.

We have been mostly No Contact with YSD since 2005. It was my DH who stated he did not want her in our home ever again. She has mental issues, lies incessantly, and only reaches out when she wants something. 

We have been No Contact with OSD since 2011. This one is all on me as I finally had enough of her narcissism and treating us as an ATM . I was an utter doormat for her, ignoring her snubs and rudeness because I "just wanted our family to work". When I finally called her out on some bad behavior towards her father, she went ballistic and continued to escalate because no one in my DH's family ever crosses her. DH is completely done with her because she cut us off from the gskids.

DH is very loyal to me and puts our marriage first.

My DH is a complete nonparent who relied on stupid me to do all the emotional labor and prop up his relationships for him. While it's true that he chose troubled women to breed with who in turn sought to alienate him, DH did himself no favors by being an uninvolved father and allowing his own family to marginalize him somewhat.  He hails from a family riddled with dysfunction - social anxiety/interpersonal problems are legion. No matter how hard I tried to bring people together and get DH to engage with his kids, it never "took" and ultimately caused resentment in both me and skids.

I have been disengaged from all of DH's people for several years now. His relationships are up to him, but DH does little to maintain or improve them. We are older, DH is not well, and are currently enjoying the most peaceful period of our entire marriage. Why poke that huge, dysfunctional bear?