How do you all handle holidays if you're disengaged?
If you're disengaged (or otherwise unwilling to spend time with Skids), how do you handle big holidays? For us, it's Christmas, Thanksgiving, birthdays. Do you have separate celebrations... one with your spouse and then spouses go off and have separate celebrations with their own bio kids? We are in our mid 50s and our kids range from 18 - 23. Three in college, two post-college, out on thier own. Everyone is on an appropriate trajectory for their age. 4 of the 5 kids cause no issues for us.
My own 3 kids are accepting of our relationship and my boyfriend is welcome to join us and they usually want him along. Boyfriend's son is OK with us, but his daughter is not. Wondering what different scenarios work well for other step-families. We are not a legal stepfamily (not married) but we are in a committed relationship planning a future. I can't help but worry about the holidays. I enjoy my kids and my boyfriend does too. We'd prefer a family gathering for special ocassions but his daughter is likely to make him choose -- her or us. She's 20 and I expect he won't want to leave her alone on a holiday. Her BM died so he is her only parent. And honestly, unless her behaviour changes, she'd probably just ruin our gathering anyway. I'm thinking the only option for upcoming holidays is to handle them separately; him with his kids, me with mine. Not ideal for us as a couple, but maybe it's best??
What have others done? What has worked? What has been a disaster? And have things changed year to year?