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H is feeling hurt by YSD

Disillusioned's picture

Further to my last post about YSD telling H about her and her bf breaking up (and being understandably very upset since they have recently moved into a home out west) H tells me he asked YSD who all knew about this. YSD tells him that BM knows, and YSD's sister (H's eldest)

H says to me that he is feeling a little hurt by that. Since YSD had already moved into an apartment on her own last week, clearly this situation was going on for a little while and while BM and H's eldest daughter knew all about it H didn't (nor me, H's sister or FIL)

I understand why H would be hurt. As long as I've known H he had never missed his scheduled visits with his daughters. Like many situations like this H saw them EOW, one evening per week and extended time on holidays. H paid an enormous amount of CS and paid for everything else from cars, to post-secondary educations, cell phones (still pays for YSD's I believe) something as small as a bottle of Tylenol BM would send the receipt to H's with the girls. H did all of this and even paid CS to BM when his eldest was living with us full time for over two years. While YSD has told H and I that on BM's weekends they never saw her as she was always at her SO's, on H's time everything revolved around the girls. To this day, whenever either are present everything still revolves around them. As adults we continued to have them over consistently (until H's eldest decided to play the disengagement from us card) and even now at 27 YSD is fortunate enough to have a father that calls her every single week without fail. Although she often doesn't answer he continues to leave voice mails, continues to call, and when he actually gets her live conveys so much his love for her and pride in her. H makes such an effort with her and yet, when something big happens he is the last to know if ever Sad

Now H did say that YSD specifically didn't want FIL to know and H feels it is because YSD would be embarrassed. Part of me wonders if this is also the case with H. H favors YSD as does FIL over H's eldest and I guess being top dog comes with some pressure of trying to maintain it. I'm wondering if perhaps that is why H is often last to know...especially as it doesn't seem to be this way when good news happens to YSD. He might be last after BM but YSD will still let him know if she has done well with something

I don't think it's a deliberate snub from YSD. In H's eldest's case, yes, she is a manipulator and makes sure to leave H out of her big news (engagement, pregnant, car accident, etc...) but will be sure H's sister and FIL know just to make sure H feels the hurt of being excluded as they will for sure pass the news on to him.

But with YSD I don't think that's the case. I think she doesn't want to disappoint H but doesn't realize it hurts him more to be excluded. But then again, maybe despite all H's efforts to be in his kids lives reality is it's nothing compared to the closeness they have with BM...

I don't know, anyone else dealing with this?