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Glad I was wrong

Disillusioned's picture

Submitted by Disillusioned on Tue, 01/21/2014 - 11:13am

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Adult Stepchildren

Well I take it all back Smile

After worrying that I had done something wrong while YSD was here visiting recently (based on sort of a passiveness from her towards me that was concerning, and that she had not returned any of DH's calls since she went back home)

Well out of blue I received a lovely text from her thanking me sooooo much for the birthday wishes, as well as the pics I'd sent her of her and DH together while she was her.

I responded back letting her know I was glad she enjoyed them, and she sent another text saying she wished I had sent pictures of her and I as well Smile

We also had a nice chat yesterday evening, just her and I, and she is the same sweet girl as always

Feeling better now

Merry's picture

Submitted by Merry on Tue, 01/21/2014 - 11:21am

This is lovely. A bit of advice for you, though.

My SD is also very well mannered, a smart, talented young lady. Our relationship runs hot and cold, well, lukewarm to tepid I guess. We have the occasional laugh together; then something happens and one of us is irritated with the other. I have learned to just go with the flow. I don't expect warm reciprocity when I do something nice for her. When she does something nice for me, it is a truly pleasant surprise.

We are not BFFs, will never be, and I've stopped chasing her trying to make it warm and fuzzy between us. Just enjoy the pleasant times you have and don't have high expectations of any type of real relationship.

Disillusioned's picture

Submitted by Disillusioned on Tue, 01/21/2014 - 11:51am

Well said and that is exactly where I'm at with her Biggrin

I think my YSD is generally a really nice girl and although she struggles with some of the step dynamics sometimes, she has enough class and maturity to always be respectful and is constantly communicating to me how much she appreciates everything and how much she values me in her life Dirol

I think I have even more respect for that than if she truly did love me to death (and who knows maybe she does I just am always skeptical because I know these situation sadly sometimes make it touchy)

But rather than behaving like her sister with all sorts of nasty mind games and BS, my YSD chose the route of getting along, showing respect, showing appreciation, and acting in a thoughtful way herself

I don't seriously believe we will ever be bosom buddies either, I gave up on this step dream of DH's daughters many years ago but yes, like you I'm grateful to have at least one SD who is polite and actually tries to foster a good relationship with me her SM

Such a breath of fresh air she is Smile

Generic's picture

Submitted by Generic on Tue, 01/21/2014 - 3:01pm

This ALSO sounds like me. Reading these forums I think a lot of SMs internalize too much and read too much into things. Sometimes the relationship between parent/child is already so complicated and stressful that it takes all the energy to manage that- let alone worrying about how everything is affecting the step parent.