NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! Did it once and never again. I once pondered the thought about taking them somewhere when they graduate high school but I was drinking that night and the fog quickly lifted the next morning. Thing is I want to be nicer to them and take them to do the things they don't get to do at home but they don't appreciate crap so NOPE. I don't even go on vacation with them when SO takes them somewhere.

DH and I have never taken his adult kids on vacation with us. No way no day will I spend my hard-earned scheduled time off with them, much less pay for the privilege.

Not at 21 I wouldn't even consider. If your husband wants them to go, he should have helped plan AND pay for the trip. As a rule, when we plan any vacations that include the kids, their parent pays if they go. Really I would rather eat dirt than take skid on vacation usually, because I am not a fan of teens and all that entails these days.

We married when SD was a teen. She and one of her friends accompanied us on a vacation to visit with DG's family, and they were totally obnoxious. At one point pulled my seat belt on the side with her foot and actually hurt me. DH's family did not like SD either and noticed how badly she treated me.

When she grew into adulthood we took her and her husband on several vacations with us. DH liked acting like a big shot, paying for everything with our money. They wouldn't even pay for a tip at dinner. I finally told DH he could pay for his family and I would pay for mine. It was like magic - no more vacations with SD.

Our SD28 (25 at the time) went with us once and will never be going again. She is awful. MyDH and I are taking my for young children to Hawaii in July and his daughter is not invited. She doesn't know about the trip yet but when she finds out all hell will break loose, and I don't care. At all. Seriously.

Nothing stopping DH from taking his adult kids on vacation or a weekend getaway...on his dime. They can send you a postcard.

You paid very generously while they(the stepkids) were teens. Very kind of you. Now they are truly young adults. Had they behaved like civilized appreciative invited guest during the first three you might have continued to occasionally extend future invitations.

Have I taken an adult skid on vacation with me? No, but he wasn't interested. Hit 18 and off for the military he went. He's lived off in different states doing his own thing ever since. I have, however, flown him home for special occasions such as his father's 60th birthday celebration .

its the fault of your husband, their father for not letting his children know that rudeness to you will not be tolerated.

totally his fault.

i am sorry you have experienced this but it is very common.

Have you ever pointed it out to them that you planned/paid for the vacation? I ask because if dad was the one who did a lot of those things before you were in the picture, maybe they assume he's still the one doing it. I only ask because on christmas, my mom and stepdad came over and brought me some presents. My first instinct was to say thank you to my mom and give her a big hug, then I immediately realized it's not just my mom who does these things anymore - it's my stepdad's time and money that goes into them too. But for so long, it was her who did all the gift shopping so it was kind of habit I guess.

I noticed right away and gave him a big hug and thank yous too but maybe that's what's going on with your stepdaughters? Just a thought! I'd bring it up to them and get to the bottom of it. I'm not a very passive aggressive person though, so I would just ask and if it's not some sort of misunderstanding and they just genuinely disregard you and what you've done for them, I'd tell them I won't be doing anything else.

If DH really want to vacation with his 21 yr old princesses let him pay for them and deal with them by himself.

My DH wanted me to agree to not taking separate vacations, he said married people go on vacation together. That being said he 22yo son hints that Daddy should take him on vacation. Even at our Anniversary dinner this year in front of all the family he was fishing because someone asked about our Vegas trip. Skid was saying "this guy never takes me on vacation, I have never been anywhere". Making DH look like some crappy dad and guilting for an all expense paid vacation. I made the comment that I have seen plenty of vacation photos on Facebook when he was a kid and if he wants a vacation now that he is an adult he has plan one himself and book time off work. Skid did not like that, I got the cold shoulder the rest of the dinner and he unfriended me on Facebook (boo hoo).

DH does not want me and skid to be on vacation together with him because the tension would be too much for him to handle and I would more then likely lose it. Also I told DH if we bring and pay for skid22 we will have to bring my 20yo son, which makes it even more expensive. So it is not an issue so far.

I think adult children should pay for their own vacations. If someone is very wealthy where it does not even make a dent in there budget and they get along with all the kids then great.

BTW- my ex-DH who is very wealthy never brings his GF kids or our son on vacation with him.

I'm not even taking a 17 year old on my holiday..... not my kid and not my problem if her parents can't pay for her holiday

Imagine how I will be when she's 21 }:) }:) }:)

Simply tell DH - they are legal adults, and should have their own holidays, only minor kids gets a free pass if they behave, and remind DH that you will not be paying his share of holidays this year, if he does not have the funds he can stay at home

good for you for not putting yourself through torture again. I always invited my skids but luckily they never took me up on the offers.

I say that ends now. I would say as well that they are adults and should pay their own way. They do not need to be part of every one of your vacations. Always that sense of entitlement, it drives me crazy. My DH wanted our first vacation to be together with his kids, this was when we were dating. I said no, I want our first vacation to just be us and he respected that. Now that we are married I find he doesn't tell his kids when we have booked something. That way none can say take me too....which was the situation. I have told him that sometime in the future we can have a holiday with all of them but otherwise you go with them. I have great girlfriends to go with. Those twin SKs of yours sound like ungrateful spoiled brats. I would certainly give them nothing with their attitudes. How dare they be nasty to you.

I have never even considered taking my SD on vacation with me. Not when she was a kid, not now that she's an adult. That is not what "vacation" means to me.

My sweetie and I often comment on how awesome it would be to rent an RV and travel to a few different parts of the US, perhaps during the summer when BM is on her school-paid vacation, so he would not be responsible for transporting kiddos to school. He said to me "maybe we can bring SD10." I said "no, I don't think that would be a good idea for our first vacation. She might miss her mom too much and that wouldn't be much fun." End of conversation. He doesn't really talk about bringing kids on vacation, because often he needs to get away from them, too.

Often we do things locally that are fun, and I always like bringing SD10. Shes very attached to father and likes to go with him everywhere possible. BM goes NOWHERE and takes kids NOWHERE. The eldest, SD17, always complains that we do fun things without her. Ahem, there is a REASON for that. pretty much EVERY SINGLE TIME we take her anywhere, or do anything fun together, she sais something snotty or disrespectful.
Her nickname is the "destroyer of happiness".

So, no vacation with kiddies!

DH will go on mini vacations w/friends to go do mountainy stuff in cold weather. I pass on these trips because I prefer to do mountainy stuff when it's nice outside. Last year DH was planning a trip and ss31 told DH that he wanted to go. DH told me that he would not be taking ss31 because he didn't want to spend 8 hrs in a car with him. DH took off early before ss could come over and insist on going with }:)

I still find it odd that DH thinks I should be happy spending time with ss31 when he himself escapes him whenever he can.

My SD36 had a meltdown every year we left for our winter vacation. Now we have a place at a 55+ resort and she knows she can't come there,

I had looked forward to doing this in our marriage, thinking we would be one big happy family. After paying for everything one time and meeting BM unexpectedly in the airport, I realized this is no disneyland I married in...

No, to say the least, because mine are like yours....we need to be away from each other, not together.

Yes, we took my 2 SSs on vacation with us every year until they became teenagers and stopped visiting. Those were somewhat challenging trips at times but I did it because I knew my DH wanted those experiences with them.

For the past few years, DH and I take my oldest SS23, his wife and their two toddler DDs on vacation with us and our 2 DSs. I just booked our flight to Orlando for this summer's vacation, and we will be paying almost all of the expenses for the 8 of us. This is my same SS who just about drove my DH to a nervous breakdown when he refused to visit for about 5 years as a teenager. SS is extremely close to BM and her clannish family, and we know how PAS'd he was. However, since his first daughter was born, he has come back into the fold. He married a WONDERFUL young lady, who is an awesome wife and mother, and with whom I have a fantastic relationship. DH and I have always shared our finances, and we can afford this trip, so it is my pleasure to be able to do this for the group. (However, I will note, I'm doing this because it makes my DH happy, and I will NEVER forget my place as the SM who will never be on equal footing with BM.)

Youngest SS21 is another story! He can't be bothered to respond to DH's attempts to reach him (calls, texts, FB messages), did not even come for Christmas or even acknowledge receiving his many gifts from us when SS23 took them to him. Therefore, we did not invite him to come with us on vacation. (We'd have to actually communicate with him for that to happen!) I have been a LOT more forgiving with SS23 because I know he was a CHILD who was PAS'd by his mother. On the other hand, SS21 is now an ADULT and can make his own choices, and if he chooses to continue to treat us this way, I don't know that I'll be so understanding and open to forgiving him like I was SS23.

Sure, we occasionally take SS-24 on vacation with us.. But then again he is not like your toxic 21yo SDs. Neither his mom nor I would tolerate that crap from him and he knows it.

So next time have some fun at their expense and deliver a very clear message. The next time you plan a family vacation book you, DH, and the younger kids into the Luxury awesome resort with the full meal deal all inclusive package and put the twins in the broom closet at the sleezo-dump motel and crack house in the hood across town with a gift card to IHOP and a municipal bus pass to join you at the luxury resort every day. If they join you fine.. if not.. good riddance }:)

They are adults. They can behave reasonably or suffer. End of problem.

I think a good idea will be to go with your family in an active vacation. For example you can go to surf somewhere ... or you can go in mountains with tents.  If you decide in future to surf, than I can suggest you to check https://standuppaddleboardworld.com/paddle-board-accessories/best-sup-pu... ... there you will find a lot of useful information about paddle boarding, surfing and other related things. I enjoy to go with my family in active vacations, this makes our relation stronger.