family holiday has turned out badly
Husband had booked family holiday to take his son away and see his girls. Ex was not coming so I booked with my husband. A few weeks out, ex has decided to come and I have decided to bow out gracefully. To be fair he tried to talk her out of it. I feel an overwhelming sadness about it really. I have looked forward to this for 8 months and in a few short weeks I am to lose the airfare and the lovely apartment my husband and I booked. One of his girls is particularly nasty to me and when I stand up to her, husband takes her side. Ex and I have nothing in common. She is not a problem but when she is with the daughter it all becomes way too much for me. Husband doesnt seem to notice the nastiness generated. Why do I feel so left out and sad? Do I need to get over myself?
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Because his ex is going you
Because his ex is going you are not?? I don't understand that!
Your place is with your husband on vacation
he didn't put up too much
he didn't put up too much argument about me deciding not to go. It gets too hard sometimes, I get stuck in the middle of nasty comments and end up wanting to leave......
It's my step sons 21st
It's my step sons 21st celebration, so it poses difficulty really. Apparently the son begged her to go. She has not seen the girls or her son for a year. I think the girls have paid for her to go.
Honey - Your husband is going
Honey - Your husband is going on vacation with another woman - one he used (or still is?) sleep with - with "children" who will put them together constantly....
Why are you okay with this?
Let me get this straight...
Let me get this straight... You had a ticket, you can still use the ticket but you don't want to go because the BM (who you don't get along with but neither do you fight like cat and dogs with either) is going along for her sons birthday. You CAN use the ticket you just choose not to because you are HIDING.
Honey, I am sure Podunkville or where the boy lives has more going on that weekend than this 21st. Just go, find other things to do, attend a couple of events with your husband and enjoy the apartment. Or don't go to any event, send a card and go to other things in the city/town. Shopping is a good one. I like shopping in new places.
Really, your DH wasn't sharing the apartment with his ex is he?
However if you want to stay behind, then stay. But see it as a choice you made, not your ex. He should give up seeing his son because you changed your mind because his ex changed her mind?
It is a 21st, not a wedding. He will have another birthday. But certainly go along if nothing else than to enjoy the apartment. And imagine his daughter... knowing you are in town and not seeing you and being abler to insult you. It will drive her crazy.
BTW, your DH doesn't 'get' it because he is a man. Women have a radar for things like this.
I think either you go or your
I think either you go or your husband doesn't go. If you go, you and your husband should not stay in the same apartment as ex. If you go and it is miserable, then maybe your husband should have a conversation with his kids in which he explains that, in a perfect world, it would be nice to have divorced parents be able to attend events together, but it's not a perfect world and that, unless it's something big (like a wedding) or an emergency (like kid is in hospital), it would be better if he and ex visited at different times.
Wow thanks everyone. I copied
Wow thanks everyone. I copied all if this and handed it to my husband. He was VERY quiet for a long time. We have decided to go together and when the ex arrives we will take a trip up north and check out the sights. I probably would not have been able to get through to him without you all. Bless you and thank you so much. Keep your fingers crossed for me.
You need to go and enjoy your
You need to go and enjoy your time with your husband. I do understand about not wanting to be around his ex but what kind of message is it sending to the children that their divorced parents go on vacation without you? I guess I don't understand how ex got involved/invited in the first place. I would really not want to share vacation time with an ex. Stick with the original plans. You and your husband do your thing but don't feel obligated to time with his ex and make that clear to your husband.
OK...I understand wanting to
OK...I understand wanting to avoid the conflict. But it comes to a totally different level when I have planned a vacation and paid for it... I would suggest you go. Establish your place... You do not have to have a confrontation with the SD or SS on any level. Refuse to engage in anything that is confrontational. Smile, Smile and Smile and then walk away. Find things to do during the day that you enjoy on the trip. But do NOT stay at home. I am sorry that your DH is taking the don't make waves kind of attitude. I have a husband that is that way as well. He is a wonderful man but just chooses to back down when it comes to his kids. Oh well...that is something I have to deal with. If you don't go you will sit at home and feel bad.... so go...
You feel left out because you
You feel left out because you are being left out. Why the heck did BM have to come anyway?; At the insistence of some conniving adult stepchildren? There is no justifiable reason for her having to come right at the same time you two are there. If the kids are paying for her airfare and hotel she can go a few days earlier or a few days later. You guys already had it booked so you can’t change your plans without penalty. It’s not like it’s a big family once in a lifetime event or something.
And your husband has to tell his daughter to STOP being nasty to you. I am glad he finally came to his senses and won’t allow you to be disrespected by these adults and that you two are going to slip away when the EX arrives.
Have a great trip! Hopefully your DH keeps his eyes open to what is going on.