Evil Adult SDs Strike Again *Vent*
At some point it gets hilarious and yet it still surprises me just how stupid and naive my wife and I can be about certain people.
Enter my lovely SD22 years old. Out of the 4 SDs I have had she has always been pleasant and fun, but after what occurred last night I simply no longer trust her.
My wife gets a phone call at around 9 PM from her ex-husband. There is no reason for him to call we have five children together and his daughters are emancipated. She picks it up believing something horrible may have happened to one of them since 3 of them are estranged from us since moving in with him.
I was outside throwing the football with my two sons when I hear my wife in tears through the glass doors. My sons and I rush in to see what was wrong and she informs me of her phone call. Her ex was accusing her of cheating on him when she was pregnant with my SD22.
The irony of this is she divorced her ex because he was a serial cheater. He would always take business trips and hook up with ladies of the night while he was out of town.
I did some investigating and learned that my SD22 had a DNA test performed on her due to some person my wife does not know accusing her of cheating on her ex with him. The DNA test came back and of course, my wife's ex was proven to be the biological father. Yet he feels the need to call and reem my wife about it. This guy NEVER got over my wife leaving him and has since taken vengeance on my wife since my SDs moved back near him.
Why would my SD who grew up with her mother do such a thing? Why would she enlist the help of her dad's sister (who has been involved with every single one of my SDs rebellion against us)? Why?
The answer: She is just as much of a degenerate as the rest of them and she had me fooled.
She called me apologizing and I don't even want to hear it. She had to hear the accusation and believe it. Then go to her dad's sister to get into her dead grandparents' Ancestry.com account. Then order the DNA test with the help of her aunt. Then send it back to Ancestry where the results showed my wife had not cheated on her ex. Then go and tell my wife's ex about it BEFORE she let my wife know. This entire thing was done in the shadows which is how this family has always worked. If he does not make that phone call trying to go on a power trip, then my wife never knows her daughter was running around accusing her of adultery.
These SDs and this man and his family are just pure evil. I have made up my mind and I am just wiping my hands from all of them. My SD22 is scheduled to visit us in 2 weeks and if my wife wants to "hang" with this idiot, then I am loading up my kids and we are taking a road trip for the week.
I thought my SD22 was better than this, but now I am over all of it. I don't want her around my children and I don't want to see her in the near future.
What type of people treats their mother like this? These girls are rebelling AFTER the age of 18 and 20 and not during their teenage years.
I do not know, but wow. Just as we were getting back to normalcy and really enjoying our new chapter this happens.
Of course, my two sons who have their own issues with my SDs were angry as well. My son just had a confrontation with SD22 about 3 weeks or so ago that I posted about that I made him apologize for and now this happens.
I'm over it. Good Riddance to these lunatics! I want to make a permanent exit from the twilight zone!
This ex is pure evil. The
This ex is pure evil. The reason he is stirring them up now is he needed your wife to parent them, to do the heavy lifting while he skated. Now that they are raised he is swooping in and twisting the knife. It's best you keep them far away. Wife can see them outside if the home, no need for you to uproot the kids so this traitor can invade your home. SD won't like it but these are logical consequences of a betrayal on this level. Put your foot down on this. IMO.
you should not have to leave
you should not have to leave your home. if she wants to have a visit w/ her daughter it should happen elsewhere. why let your SD's crap stain your home.
I agree with previous comments..
Do NOT let this hideous SD22 drive you and your children from your own home. If your wife wants to see her (maybe she needs to talk things through with her and straighten things out???) let them meet elsewhere. I'd be very clear with my spouse that she was not to set foot in my home...not after this. So sorry for the drama. The world is full of nuts and it sounds like a jar of them has been opened for you.
Has been chumped and now the narc cheater liarpants ex wants to punish her for leaving, several years down the road? What is THAT endgame? Just for fun?
I highly recomend chumplady.com to see how they work and how they enlist the children to be their "flying monkees". It might help.
As to leaving or not - only if you are itching for a fun trip with you bios, but dont let SD22 cause you to beat it out of there if you dont want to. DW can have her relationship - but must have it "out there somwhere".
So her ex called to rage that
So her ex called to rage that he WASN'T a cuckold? Idiot.
Why would your wife even entertain seeing a daughter who tried to prove she was a floozy?
To be honest about it.. it
To be honest about it.. it seems like perhaps someone told SD that it was the case.. and for whatever reason.. it made her feel like there could have been some truth.. and she didn't want to accuse her mother outright.. because.. even though that person was fairly convincing... she loves her mom and didn't want to hurt her... and perhaps even she was upset enough about the accusation that she did it to prove her mom "wasn't" a cheater. So when she got the results that her dad.. is the father.. maybe the kid told him in a "don't disparage my mom because I have proof she didn't cheat and have me with someone else"..
Which got turned into something worse by her dad.. the EX???
I mean.. if someone came to you and gave you what could be a credible story... and you were raised in dysfunction with a dad bitter at his EX.. maybe you would feel like you wanted to do more than just brush it off?
I don't know.. if this is a person who normally wouldn't be seen as cut throat? maybe her motivation was different than what it is being taken for?
I do think her mom should be having a discussion to find out why she didn't feel like she could go to her when faced with some troubling allegations?
She's 22, hardly a gullible
She's 22, hardly a gullible child. She participated in a campaign to sully her mother's reputation and needs to be told some very harsh truths.
Can you imagine trying to prove that your mother was sleeping around on your father? She could have told her.mother what was being said. She could have told her what she was going to do. She could have kept her in the loop. She chose to keep quiet. She should face up to the repercussions of her actions - regardless of her intentions.
The possibility I am trying
The possibility I am trying to raise is that the goal may not have been to "sully her mom's reputation".. but to possibly more likely "prove that her reputation should not be sullied"
It's possible the person making the accusation (that SD won't name).. is another relative or old family acquaintance..
It's also possible the person making the accusation is her Dad...
and.. in either case. the girl could be upset by the accusation.. and wanted to "find out for herself".. when faced with two completely opposite stories.. and assuming kids will love their parents.. despite them not being perfect (mom and dad in this case.. ).. the girl wanted to know.
and.. let's say it WAS the EX that was spinning this narrative to his kid... and the girl wanted to know for herself.. because dad says one thing.. which is contra to what her mom's story is. So.. she does research to settle it in her own mind.. and she tells her dad. "you were wrong.. you are my bio father.. I checked and tested and I am".
Then her EX gets upset because his story has been found out.. and he is mad so he calls his EX to unload on her.. which again makes no sense.. because the test actually proved the opposite of what he would have been claiming.. that is the part that makes no sense.
SD can't control how her father reacted to the news that he was, in fact, her bio father... I am not sure that the intent was for her to sully her mom's name at all.. It might have been someone else's intent.. the person who told SD that she might not be legitimate.. But SD did testing and found that story was false.
so.. I'm not sure how her wanting to get to the bottom of an accusation is sullying anyone's memory.
You raise a good point.
I don't buy it but perhaps when the anger cools down I will have a chance to hear her out some more.
I do not know the name of the individual, however, what I was told by her is that her husband who just started working at a local Police Station was getting trained and one of his superiors said he slept with my wife around her birth and that she may be his.
I don't know why some guy would just come out and say that because it makes him look like a douche who did not even care about following up to see if he was the father when she was born. He also barely knows her husband.
Also, I trust my wife and she was shocked by the accusation. It was like someone punched her in the gut.
This is a shady story and I am 5,000 miles away from it, but I want to know SDs intentions because right now with what we have been through with the other 3 SDs I do not believe her at all.
I'm sure that her daughter
I'm sure that her daughter was shocked by the claim.. if it really did come about that way.. I mean.. why on earth would he pass on something like that to a new trainee.. because.. yes.. it makes that supervisor look incredibly bad.. slept with a married woman and ditched the responsiblity of a child?? It is a pretty strange thing to divulge to someone.. even if it WAS true.. or could have been true!
I mean.. maybe it was more like the new supervisor was a family friend of them when they were a couple.. and her EX had accused them of it.. and that was what was said or her dad said it when he learned who the supervisor was?
I guess given the other estrangements in the family.. the girl probably has had a lot of conflicting stories.. and while she "should" believe her mom's honor.. without question.. I guess enough has gone on.. to make her at least want to put that rumor to rest?
Again.. that she told her dad that he, was the father, makes it seem like he was part of this information reveal to the SD and that's why she went for testing.. to just get the facts in black and white..
We celebrate our 13th anniversary in 3 weeks. We have five children of our own and I raised her since she was 10. I married her and her husband and gave a speech she requested from me at her wedding while her dad walked her down the aisle and did the father-daughter dance. Everything was so civil until recently and the only difference was that we moved 5 states away and they began spending bulk time with BD instead of every other weekend.
Her ex always said he would turn all 4 of the girls against my wife when they turned 18. He is 3 for 4 right now and I am about to make him 4 for 4.
I Think Like You But...
She knows her mom has polycystic ovaries and had to take Chlomid in order to regulate her period. Her dad had to get his sperm tested in order to see if there was something wrong with him. There was a nice story she was always told about her birth.
Here is the other part of my SDs background I have mentioned before but not in this post. Their dad was gone for three years. No Happy Birthdays, No Merry Christmas, and never showed up for award ceremonies or basketball games. Just gone. He somehow turned that around on us and said we blocked him...which we had no legal right to do that...I am sure his absence screwed each of them up and I am seeing the results now.
Also when he left so did everyone in his family. Grandparents, Aunts, Uncles, Cousins, etc. It is like a cult.
I think like you because I keep telling myself that these girls could not have fooled me that long, but this sort of thing keeps happening and it keeps coming from the same direction. Eventually, deductive reasoning leaves me with no other options.
She is not giving me the name of the accuser and that is for two reasons:
These girls always blindside and when they do it is always a doozy and this family is always involved.
Why are there so many nasty
Why are there so many nasty aunt/SILs involved in these situations? I can't imagine encouraging one of my nieces to attack her mother like this, even if I hated her. I would not allow this little bitch in my house. Don't let your kids see you leave your house over such a miserable, lying twit. Mother can see her in a motel.
It sounds like the aunt/sil
It sounds like the aunt/sil had access to a geneology account that would be useful in confirming.. I actually don't think it was the sd's intent to attack her mom.. I think it sounds more like she wanted to find out what the truth was...and her dad found out what she had done.. maybe from his sister.. but then when it proved he was the dad? IDK why he is railing against OP's wife???
He found out from her
He found out from her directly and then called.
Now to be fair she was "angry" he called and called my wife a whore.
At least she didn't let him know on Easter Sunday.
Because they grow up in the
Because they grow up in the same toxic soup that produces disordered people like the narc ex in this story. So they love drama and triangulation, even from afar.
SIL could have reached out to the OP's wife with a heads up. But helping to stir the pot is much more fun.
Consider a move.... far, far, far from their drama.
My DW left SpermLand at 18 with SS then 14mos old to attend university. And never returned for more than a visit with her family.
Even now, in her late-mid 40s she comments during or after every SpermLand visit how she cannot live there. SS-30 is very vocal on his agreement with that. She has nearly nothing in common with even her BFFs and her family. Her life has been diametrically opposed to their insular generationally repeated ground hog's day esque day after day lives.
They are good people, they just seem to enjoy repeating the same drama over and over shifting from putting different people onto the hot seat to maintain the drama.
I Love This Bar
My wife is the same way Rags.
I have family, a good family that doesn't want to gut you and just enjoy life, where we left. This year I was planning a trip to just see them and she was reluctant because of the triggers there.
I am five states away so the move has taken place.
I am calmed down over this whole drama.
My SD had a very polite and respectful conversation with me last night and I just can't cut a good kid out that my kids love. She is just going to have mental lapses because she comes from an idiot. I also let her know my feelings about the issue and she again apologized. It was a mistake and that is the end.
I'm grateful for this place. Thank you, everyone.
I am so glad you sat down and
I am so glad you sat down and spoke with your SD because as others said, she is a victim of her Father's vitriol. I say this based on what you shared about her as a person up to this awful episode. She was probably torn with not knowing what to do and perhaps scared that even her terrible Dad may not be her Dad at all. These horrible exes can be so persuasive. They know how to turn everyone against each other. His goal was to get her 'over to his side' and if you had cut her off he would have won.
Why is your wife upset over
Why is your wife upset over accusations from 22years ago? I personally would have fed into them and told my ex that I was cheating with a new man every night so not only does he need a DNA test but also an STD/HIV checkup because who knows what he could have contracted through my cheating haha
My husbands BM1 always brings up the fact that when they were 17yo, they broke up and my husband kissed another girl during that short time and admitted it to her when they rekindled....according to her he is a serial cheater!!But the funny part is that she cheated throughout the entire (teen) marriage and got pregnant with his best friend and eloped
And this happened 25 years ago....but it was brought up every time she has to discuss the childrens grades or bad behaviors, it would turn into rehashing the past marriage from decades ago....Weird but some ppl hold grudges for decades and cant get over stuff like that
Everyone is different and it bothered her.
Accusations from her ex she doesn't care about.
However, SD22 has always been close to her. They call each other every night and plan trips together. They are just close.
For her to go to her aunt (who is a hateful person) with this accusation, get a DNA test, and never even ask her mother about it and the way she finds out is through a phone call from her ex is hurtful.