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Did I dodge a bullet (an adult future SD mini-wife?)?

all_or_nothing_kind_of_gal's picture

Hello this is my first post.  This site seems very step-parent friendly,  unlike a lot of the online mothering groups who don't want to face facts that children from a previous relationship are not necessarily precious and perfect little darlings to the rest of the world.  I had no idea how naive I was about dating someone with an adult child from a previous relationship until it happened to me earlier this year.

I am a 46 year old woman,  childfree by choice,  and until I met this man,  20 years my senior,  I was willing to give a relationship with someone with children,  provided they were adults living independently,  a try.   

We dated for 4 months (with a one month break - my idea).  

As someone who instinctively (not from bad experience or hearing horror stories) knew from the time I was 20 that I would never date a man with young,  dependent children,  I had never thought about having potential adult step-children until the last few years.  I was sold on the idea by a few older childfree women and I decided that potential adult step-children would not be a problem for me in a long-term relationship,  based on what they told me.  

Nothing they told me prepared me for this because their experiences were NOTHING like this.  

I've told him it's over and I'm trying to recover.  So I'm sharing my story and seeing what kind of feedback I get here.  This site has been so educational for me.  I had no idea about mini-wives and enmenshment before.  It seems very supportive here.  Please anyone tell me if you think I'm on  the right track with this one of if I'm way off.   I'm here to learn and move on with my life.  

I don't know where to begin.  It took most of those 4 months of me acting like a dog with a bone to finally and painfully bring him to the point of telling the truth.  He hopes his daughter (turning 20 towards the end of this year 2018) will live at home with him forever.

It was like getting blood out of a stone.  He played every game to avoid being straight with me. 

A lot of people would tell me that it was early days and I needed to take one day at a time.  But my gut instincts were so strong after about the third date that something wasn't quite right about him so I refused to do the 'normal' thing and let this drift along (or in his words,  'be patient').  At 46,  you have a few years left to find dateable guys who don't have children.  I need to make the right decision - look for someone nearer my age without kids or stay with this older guy who has an adult daughter - so I need to know what I'm letting myself in for.  

He even lied to me about when his previous relationship ended.  It turns out that he was kicked out sometime in 2016 and not towards the end of 2017 as he had always said by the BM (also his 'partner' of 18 years).  

When I met him,  he was getting ready to move into a more permanent new home (he was renting at that time),  which is on the other side of a residential park,  from where he raised his daughter and where she still lives with her mother.  You can walk from the BM's home to his apartment in one minute flat and jog it in 15 seconds.

I'm childfree for a reason.  I'm not interested in having anyone's children around all the time.  All I wanted to know was 'how long are you going to support her current intention of living between her mother's place and yours?' 

She was staying there from Friday nights until Monday mornings and any weeknight.  She had keys to his first and then permanent place.  She is allowed to drink and have her boyfriend in her room at her father's place (and mother's place) at all times.  On his new place,  her name is on the letterbox and on the answering machine with her father's.  On a bookcase,  someone placed a scrapbook thing the daughter made not long before the relationship ended.  It was filled with photos of their family unit of 3.  He didn't want to take it down - so I took it down myself.  

There is a lot more to tell.  She is their only child.  I've never met her but it's pretty obvious this young woman has not heard the word 'no' many times in her life.  On our third date,  she kept texting every ten minutes that the dog was 'missing' him and she knew he was seeing someone,  which of course he saw as cute because she is his felsh and blood and since I'm only the 'love interest',  I was 'having a tantrum' when I walked off.  The last time I was in his apartment,  before we got there,  she had wandered over from her mother's place,  called him to ask 'where are you?' and after he said he was with me,  she stayed and then after being asked to give us privacy,  she left her beer bottles right behind the door on her way out (she had drunk 2 bottles in less than 15 minutes).   Every single time we went out,  he talked about her.  She was questioning him a lot about me and even told him once that she was going away for about a week (the idea being that I could stay over those nights).  It felt like she wanted to approve me or give her permission.  I found it weird.  

I can't imagine having someone else's adult child living indefinitely under the same roof as the man I would have been sleeping in the same bed with most nights,  whether at the dating stage or after we shared a place permanently,  especially with the total lack of restrictions or boundaries.  She drinks,  shares her bed in the room right next to her father's with her boyfriend,  parties and comes in at all hours - comes and goes as she pleases and with no boundaries.  It's not how I was raised and it's not how I want to live.  When I finally got a discussion going about her moving out,  he said 'If I had to choose between (her name) or you,  I would choose my daughter'.  He also said that if we ended up together permanently,  he would tell her 'you have to go back to your mother's because (my name) doesn't like it' but he also said she'll move out when she's grown up.  He thinks it has nothing to do with him.  He said 'one day she just won't come around anymore.  Can't you be patient until then?'

He also believes that it's his job to support her financially all her life.  He called me 'hard' for what I said and that I seem to think I know a lot about children for someone who doesn't have any.  

So I walked away.  He has tried to get me back with a very low game (more lies) but what's in it for me?  From what I can see,  just heartache.  She seems to be his wife in every way but sexually.  

 

 

 

 

  

 

 

fairyo's picture

...to have got out of this. TheX had/has an enmeshed relationship too, but the difference is his daughter has left home, married, had kids and is now 42 years old. I thought I was 'safe' from the demands of young children and teenagers (having gone throughtthat already I didn't want to repeat it ,thank-you.)

When did I realise things were not right? Probably in the first few weeks, before I even met her- but unlike you, I stuck it out for nine years!

To me, you are one lucky and sensible lady for getting out. This guy should be carrying a mental health warning for any future 'love interests' which is that he wants a woman to have sex with but his daughter will soak up all his money, and his emotional energy and there will be nothing left for you but neglect of your emotional and social needs if you even dare utter one word of criticism over his relationship with his daughter.

Sometimes if you spend time on here, you start to think that the world is full of idiot men like this, but it isn't. Just be careful that, even if the daughter seems independent she may not be. I certainly would be very careful in future, and especially check his bank account. The red flag for me should have been the monthly payment he continued to make to his daughter, even though her husband was in full-time work, they owned their own home and drove two cars. I just thought he was a generous man but he was an idiot.

Now, after nine years of all that rubbish, I'm free of the child/man baby/daughter thing. It has scarred me so much I don't want another relationship.

Let this short term experience be a lesson in how to spot an idiot and move on...!

all_or_nothing_kind_of_gal's picture

Hello fairyo and thank you for replying.  

From the third date,  the friend I called to vent to because of the texts from the future SD that the dog was 'missing' him weren't going to stop anytime soon - that is,  not until he got home - began saying 'you're always going to be secondary to the daughter' based on what I was describing.  This friend had also taken to referring to him as a 'fruitloop' and a 'delusional f***wit'.  It was that obvious.  And it's not that I couldn't see it (or feel it in my gut - and I did,  loud and clear);  it's that I did what every woman does when she cares about a man.  I made excuses for him and told myself he needs time and support.  I wanted to believe the best about him. 

I also had a rational reason to;  he had lied to me about the date of the relationship breakup,  which had happened at least one year before he said it did.  

The neglect of my emotional and social needs for daring to utter one word of criticism about his relationship with his daughter nearly drove me out of my mind,  just in the four months,  because it took me a couple of weeks to see this was a game.

I was accused of 'hating' his daughter,  of thinking she was 'the devil',  of having a problem with him even having a daughter,  of not accepting that he loves his daughter and he needs her and she needs him and that he needs to have her near,  trying to prevent him from having a relationship with her (in his mind,  there's only one way to have a relationship with an adult daughter and that's by having her under the same roof indefinitely),  trying to have him all to myself - and that's just to name a few. 

Putting words in my mouth in this way was about making me out to be something I'm not so instead of both of us addressing the actual content of what I'm saying,  I ended up on the defensive and repeating and clarifying.  

Your advice about a man's financial situation is noted for future reference.  Whenever he talked about the loss of the relationship with the BM,  it was always in financial terms - his retirement plans were ruined,  his plan to buy the daughter her first home was ruined etc etc.  Then it turns out he had an investment property he never told me about and when I asked him about it,  he said he broke even.   He was always telling me he had no money.  He's a high school teacher.  

When he met her,  she already owned (with a substantial mortgage to this day) a 4 bedroom house (where she still lives with the daughter) and he gave up the apartment he was renting to move in.  She is a lawyer.  I've had a previous career and am now halfway into my law degree and he said 'You'll be very interesting to me once you graduate from law'.  I went on about this later and he went to a lot of effort to explain he was only joking (of course).  But then a few weeks later,  after I said my plans are to sell my apartment and buy a house (in a less expensive area)  he said he really liked that idea - of living in a woman's house - again.

Guilty father AND gold digger?

I don't want to let this stop me trying again with a man whose adult children are actually independent - it's just that I can see how easy it would be to get into this kind of mess when everything else seems so right about him.

What really saved me was his dishonesty.  Even without the issues with the daughter,  this man was not for me.  I can't respect someone I can't trust.  I don't like lies and games and manipulation.  I just want a decent man.   He seemed to tick all the boxes for that from a distance.  He goes to church twice every Sunday,  he's very involved in helping people through his church,  he's a shirt and tie man every day at work,  he seemed so kind,  has a good job,  education etc,  he doesn't use bad language etc etc.   

 

fairyo's picture

We want to believe the best, oh yes, because we feel foolish when we realise we were duped. I was in a very vulnerable place when I met theX, and although I don't believe he took advantage of that (for a while he seemed heaven sent) I do believe that my thought processes weren't that reliable and my judgement may have been slightly askew.

The verbal abuse you suffered after trying to discuss his indulgence of his daughter I can identify with too- in the beginning I tried to get him to see things from my perspective in what I thought was a rational manner, but in enmeshed relationships there is no rational. This is where reasonable people should think, 'Wow- there is no milege in this one,' but, as you say they are mostly kind and good people- this makes it all the more difficult to criticise them. I used to say theX controlled people with kindness, and he tried it with me, but when I refused to be controlled (ie, disengaged from the skids) he quite suddenly ceased being kind to me. 

I am not aware that theX ever lied to me, but I could be wrong on that one too-instead he did conceal the truth, which is probably the same thing. When we split many of my friends and family were astonished because seemed 'such a nice bloke' but his niceness was a front for weakness, immaturity and deceit. He played a good part for a while, but was finally found out.

I am still in the final process of our financial separation, awaiting the sale of the house we owned together. I am hoping that in a few weeks I can leave this episode of my life behind and move on. I hope that you can do the same.

elkclan's picture

I'm not quite sure how old this daughter is - but she must be 18 or 19 or so? So while technically an adult, kids have fairly delayed adulthoods these days. I fully expect to have one or more adult children in my home (but hopefully not ever all 3 at once!!!!!) at some point because of the way the housing market is here.  But this is fine for me, because my partner and I both bring children to this relationship and share the same values about supporting them into young adulthood. We have discussed this and the only place we differ is that he would charge them close to market rent and I would charge them significantly below market rent - but we both agree that they pay rent if they are not in school and can build arrears if they are not in school and not working but not for long! 

On the other hand, I'm not quite clear how you feel you can take stuff down in his home when you've only been dating for three months total and don't live there. If you're all or nothing then maybe you should continue to date men without children. Because there will always be a pull on a parent to support and protect their child if they are a decent parent at all. 

 

 

all_or_nothing_kind_of_gal's picture

He told me she is 19 and from what I can tell,  she is turning 20 sometime in November or December.

You've summed up why this is a problem for me.  As I said to my friend while venting after the third date,  if this was the Brady Bunch,  I would have no issue with him having an adult daughter living at home (for what,  as he finally admitted after 4 months of making unfounded accusations and playing with my time,  will be until the end of his life),  provided we wanted the same thing.

But there's an imbalance here because I'm not the maternal type.  There's only so much I'm willing and able to take on because I've chosen not to have children and he brings an adult daughter to the equation. 

I told him almost right away.  I need minimal baggage.  Later,  when I was trying to keep my head above the water through his stalling,  I told him someone else would be better for him - someone also with an adult child living at home.  He said 'I don't want anyone else.'

He is in many ways a decent person - and in many ways is not.  I understand the unbreakable bond as someone who had supportive parents and a protective father and I would have no respect for a man who didn't support and protect his child. 

I'm struggling to understand at what point and to what extent it's reasonable for man who forms a relationship with a woman following the end of the relationship with the adult daughter's BM to keep things exactly as they were (with the ex and any children) and expect the new relationship to unfold.   

At 19,  I was also studying and living at home with both parents.  I saw my future as finishing my degree and living on my own money and on my own terms - in another country and married.  I wanted independence.  

For me,  it's hard to relate to his idea that he NEEDED her set up across two homes,  his new home across a park from where she still lives with her mother,  and that she NEEDED this at the age of 19 and that he wants this to go on for as long as possible - if possible,  as he finally admitted,  until the end of his life. She had a home with her mother anyway.  

I found it impossible to imagine a future with this man. He found it impossible to understand why I felt that way.

I had the strongest attraction I've had for a number of years but I felt like the weight of his past was crushing me.  

The daughter only has to stroll over for one minute and can walk in any moment.  He wouldn't switch his phone off because there could be an emergency.  

We couldn't even walk further than halfway into the park without seeing his old house.  If you sit at the bench at the other end,  you're right in front of his old house.  Once as he was driving to his apartment,  he stopped the car and said he thought he saw his ex's car outside the building.  He said 'I think my ex is stalking me.'  Well,  she can jog across in one minute.  It's possible.  
  

The scrapbook with the daughter's writing about how wonderful and happy their family is and all the photos of the ex was right there every time I went into his apartment. 

There was no escape from any of it.  He wants his adult daughter there under the same roof ALWAYS.  She already had a home with her mother.  Don't I get my own space with him?  Is it wrong to look into the future and wonder 'where could this be going?' 

I would never have photos of an ex on display and expect a new boyfriend to be OK with that,  especially if I had my new home a stone's throw from where I lived with my ex for 18 years and my adult child dropping by anytime she wanted and dumping her beer bottles when we want some privacy etc etc.  

Kes's picture

Welcome to the site! 

I combed through your post a second time trying to find the age of this only daughter, but couldn't.  If the man is in his mid 60s, I imagine she's not that young? 

In any case, I think you definitely made the right decision - this is a totally enmeshed and dysfunctional relationship he has with her.  No woman would want to be a part of that. 

all_or_nothing_kind_of_gal's picture

Thank you,  Kes.  Sorry for the late reply - chaos at work etc right now.

Yes,  the daughter is 19 turning 20 later this year.

I often said those same thoughts to him - it's dysfunctional and no woman (unless desperate) in her right mind would see this as a long-term prospect.  Of course to him,  since he can claim to know of one case of someone living like this,  that meant it was normal!  There will always be a weirdo here and there or someone just plain desperate.  Good luck to them but not for me.   

twoviewpoints's picture

You're likely correct in moving on, but I'm thinking the timeline (all over the place) should have been your first sniffs that something wasn't quite right in all this.

Not many people waiting until they are well into their forties to have their first indepth relationship. So the man was roughly 44 when he got with his ex wife? What did he do with his life pre being married in his mid-forties and having a child? Then he got himself kicked out 7-8 months ago? What did he do to get himself booted? 

Next clue , IMO, would be the lying straight at the get-go. The man was is out dating within months. He hasn't settled his last relationship (divorced) yet he's begging you to hook-up and 'give him a chance'. What exactly did the man think he had to offer a much younger woman with all the baggage he'd yet to sort? And that's even before *we* get to the topic of the nineteen year old daughter. 

The man is at retirement age, probably yet not divorced (settling that marriage with his ex-wife will take chunks from his retirement income/savings). His daughter is of college age and still financially dependent (there goes more savings/income), and by the time you're his age he'll be likely six foot under (after years of advancing medical issues). 

Appear to me, this guy was just all around Mr. Wrong and the young lady (his daughter) perhaps helped you in dodging a big mistake. Had she already been off in school and not around to be running around between Mom and Dad's with her beer and boyfriends, it may have taken you much longer to make your exit from this man's world. 

all_or_nothing_kind_of_gal's picture

I really know where you're coming from in all the points you made in your reply,  twoviewpoints.  Thank you for replying and sorry for the late reply - chaos at work.

'running around between mom and dad's with her beer and boyfriends'.  LOL That's pretty much the way I described it when I would complain to him that I am not impressed with this lifestyle (as much for not showing her the right way to live as for my fear of having to witness under my roof one day! You can imagine how much support any woman would get from him to boot her out because you've had enough of her bedroom activities with the beer and the boyfriend in the bedroom right next to yours!)

To answer your questions,  I believe that he had a few relationships that didn't last before he met the BM but I don't know even approximately how long they lasted and how many they were.  He tried to create the impression that he had spent most of his life alone so I don't really know how those two pieces of information can be reconciled.

According to him,  she finally booted him out because of his snoring,  farting (in her presence),  scratching his balls (in her presence again,  I guess he meant),  getting up early and working late.  I found that difficult to reconcile with the manner of termination of the relationship.  Again,  according to him,  he came home one evening to find that all of his goods had been dumped on the other side of the street (on the park) and all the locks had been changed.  I specifically asked him if there had been another woman because that kind of extreme action to me is only called for in the case of cheating on her but he assured me that there had definitely not been another woman.

He also claimed that there was no sex for most of the relationship because she refused to and that she also used to throw things at him when they argued. 

I'll continue responding to your comments tomorrow as I have finish up something right now.

I do agree that the presence of the daughter under his roof in some ways was a blessing in disguise.  Without it,  I might not have seen his dysfunction until much later,  when I was so much more emotionally involved.  I've been in that situation ith a man before,  many years ago.  An obnoxious friend of his was a lifesaver - saving me from the worst mistake of my life - so I ended up not marrying him.  

Winterglow's picture

"I found it impossible to imagine a future with this man. He found it impossible to understand why I felt that way."

And that, in a nutshell, is why you have no future with him. You most definitely dodged  bullet.

It's actually quite pitiful that he is never going to find someone who will put up with all this but he'll also never understand why ...

all_or_nothing_kind_of_gal's picture

Hello Winterglow,  thank you for replying.

Yes,  it is pitiful and I said exactly what you are saying to him many times.  He IS going to end up alone.  It took me weeks and weeks to get some kind of response to this point I made with him.  I even talked about the women I've known who have adult daughter living at home and mentioned they are all ALONE.  The mothers are single and the daughters are single.  No one under in those households was dating. 

Still,  he eventually mentioned some man living in his street to back up his idea that it's 'normal'.  He claimed that this old man in his street has his daughter in her thirties living with him.  I never met this person,  he never identified him in any other way and the whole point escapes him.  These people are all alone. 

 I've no doubt he will continue to believe that it's just me that has a problem with the idea of the relationship between us going on and on with no sign that his daughter is ever going to move out.  As for the daughter in my opinion not needing her own key to his place so I don't have to worry that she's going to walk in anytime she wants,  that was never going to happen either.   She'd come over and check the messages on his answering machine,  have her name beside his on the letterbox,  etc.

Not long before I broke up with him,  she had asked him to go over to the BM's house - to pick up the dog - and of course,  he did as he was told.  He stood there in the pouring rain in front of the house while her boyfriend brought the dog outside to him.  I guess we know why she couldn't just bring it over to his apartment.   She's controlling him and bringing him back into her world.   She can't accept that her perfect,  amazing and beautiful family never existed and is now in pieces - and now,  there is another woman intruding into her world.  

But what would I know?  Since I don't have kids,  I had no right to have an opinion,  according to him.   

sandye21's picture

The reason your exBF is not being too specific about the man who lives down the road with his DD is because he knows his argument is weak.  We all know people who live with the same scenario as your Ex and his DD.  How many of them remain emotionally healthy individuals? 

Whether you have kids or not you know that any relationship where there is an enabler and an entitled adult, it's not healthy.  Go to any type of 12-step program - AA, Overeaters Anonymous, Drug Rehab - and it's the same old story.  Your ExBF is an addict in a sense, repeatedly going back for another 'ego fix' from his daughter and whomever will join in the game.  Arguing  with him only intensifies the 'ego high'.  As you know, addicts can not move on until they admit they have a problem.  Many times this does not occur until they crash.  Once you are completely out of the picture reality will set in.  The life of the man down the street won't look too glamorous and ExBF's relationship with his DD will become stale.  As he gets older, DD will be required to take care of him.  She may even resent him when it finally sinks in that she has no life.  If you had remained in this relationship there would have been no 'forward motion'.  You know that eventually you would have moved on anyway.

You can only try to reason with your exBF so many times before you finally convince yourself you're wasting your time.  It will take a while to get this negative experience out of your system but soon you will thank your lucky stars that you dodged the bullet.  Start refocusing on yourself and your forward journey.

all_or_nothing_kind_of_gal's picture

Hello sandye21,

You are absolutely right and echoing everything I felt or said at the time.  We do indeed all know people who use their parents or children to put a respectable gloss on the sad fact of having no life,  so they become even more dependent on the very family dynamic that made them dysfunctional in the first place.    

When I ended it,  the email I sent him had something very similar to what you're saying - that the daughter will understand as she gets older that he is dysfunctional and she will distance herself from him.  Their relationship might have mostly worked for both so far because he gave her money whenever she asked etc etc but in time,  either her financial demands will become difficult to meet financially or she will resent him for creating a monster.  She will expect all men to put her on a pedestal and it's not going to happen and she will end up alone and resentful towards him.   

There is only so much time and energy you can spend on someone like him before one of you says something that makes you finally see them as they are.  Then there's no going back,  even if doesn't end right away because there's been such a mix of emotions.

Unfortunately,  he is still lurking in the background,  refusing to go away and creating problems for me that are going to take some time to bring to an end.  

The relationship would have fallen apart sooner or later.  My decision to walk away makes even more sense the more I read on this site.    

 

 

hereiam's picture

You are lucky that all of this became apparent so early in the relationship. Some are fooled for quite a long time and are quite emotionally and financially invested before they realize that they have been suckered.

He lied to you about when his last relationship ended but he was honest about wanting his daughter to live with him forever and that he wanted to support her forever. Very weird that he was so upfront about this, but a good thing for you.

You did the right thing by ending it. And it wasn't even a waste of 4 months because now you know what to look for. Not all men are like this with their adult kids, I promise.

TX2step's picture

You dodged the bullet, how i wish I would have paid more attention to those red flags. After 10 years my SD moved to another state. Her manipulation continues via long distance now. But at least I know she won't be doing any drive bys now.

hereiam's picture

She did drive bys? Just being nosy or what?

My SD doesn't live in another state but it's enough of a drive that she won't just pop over. Or drive by.

sandye21's picture

And you are very lucky.  Many of us were are blinded by misguided love and the 'dream' to see the situation as it really is. 

At the beginning of my marriage, there were all sorts of red flags that I chose to ignore.  And I blame myself for not seeing it or asking questions like you did.  DH changed careers a few years before we married so I was making quite a bit more money than he was - plus I owned my home.  He assured me he would be making a lot of money in no time.  I found out a lot of what DH told me was either a lie or wishful thinking - a lot of other 'untruths' that were uncovered as time went by.  SD was a spoiled only child but DH assured me she was a nice girl. 

As the marriage went on, the red flags were STILL coming my way but I convinced myself that things would get better.  SD became mean and nasty, and was on a pedestal she was not willing to come down from.  DH kept supplying BS and gaslighting.  This, plus the ridiculous double standards society sets for step parents, and my own doubts and fear of failure enabled the situation to go on for 20 hellish years before I finally found the courage to put my foot down.  That was over 7 years ago.  By some strange miracle, or DH's love of his own comforts, we are still together.  I have not seen or been in contact with SD in 7 blissful years.

I don't mean to bore you with my story - I've told countless times, but I only wanted to show you a sample of what you would be going through with this man had you stayed with him.  In fact, it could have been much worse for you. 

I could never stay with a man who told me his adult kids were his top priority.  You mentioned that you admired this in your BF.  But I have to tell you THIS is a lie too.  Think about it - who is your BF thinking of if he is denying a full, rewarding life to his daughter so he can have her by his side for the rest HIS life?  You are very lucky to have a friend who sees the true situation can ground you in reality.  Listen to her.

tiaryn's picture

Oh my.. I see so many similarities in your story as mine. I’m 51. I’ve been married for 3 years to a man with an only child daughter who is now 25. I met her when she was 21. I know that if I paid attention to the red flags as you are, I wouldn’t be married to him. She was a mini-wife and they shut me out of their little family and made me feel like an outsider in my own home. I even told him that they acted like a couple, except sexually. Even if she’s moved out of state now (because I wanted to divorce him after 6 months of our marriage and living with them), and he says he understands his past mistakes, the hurt still hasn’t gone away. I hope it fades with time.

He’s a great stepdad to my daughters ages 17 and 13, and they love him. That’s a big part of why I love him and I’m still with him. But the hurt that happened in the past affects my love, respect and patience with him now. It’s diminished even if he’s trying. I’m still trying to let the past go. It was so hurtful.

I think you made the right decision.

Too old for this's picture

Thank your lucky stars that you recognized the red flags and got out.  Anyone who says that - given a choice- you lose, doesn’t deserve you or an adult relationship.  You saved yourself years of pain and hardship.

TX2step's picture

She knew the days I worked, our house is not far from her route to work. But one week I changed my schedule and was at home, she didn't stop when she saw my car parked in the driveway. She saw her dad's truck at home too, and the texts start rolling in. How could he be at home spending time with his wife and ignoring her. That's when she blocked him from her phone and seeing his grandson. He didn't hear from her again until Christmas, when she sent a card with her new address, from out of state.

Thatswhyilovemydog's picture

Good job for walking away and always trust your gut!  I have warned my single friends to not date anyone with kids for years!