Bio-father died.
Two step-daughters now in their 50's currently just tolerate my existence although their mother and I have been together 35 some years. Both live 1000 miles or so away - one north and the other east. Telephone conversations consist of them calling and "Hi is Mom home"?
Emails are ignored by one and generally ignored by the other so I rarely send one. When traveling alone by van near their homes I asked my wife to tell them of my travels and did they want me to stop and have a meal with them. Wife was told by one that "Now is not a good time" and a reluctant "Lets have coffee I'll MAKE the time" by the other. I didn't see either of them.
I don't want to do anything but I'm torn. I'm willing to send an email, a card or even flowers - money isn't the problem. What do you think?
i would send flowers to the
i would send flowers to the funeral home and sympathy card to each. its the right and proper thing to do, IMO, regardless of how they have treated you. tehy are your SD's and this was their dad.
of course in doing this, you
of course in doing this, you want to expect at the outset that you wont receive a thank you or any sort of acknowledgement. but hey if you do, that's progress.
OK, their Mom can sign my
OK, their Mom can sign my name to a card with or without flowers attached. Thanks all.
I have a stepdad that came
I have a stepdad that came into my life when I was 22. I live 6 hours away. He is a very nice man. He calls me and sometimes I don't answer the phone because I can't and think to myself, I'll call him back. But the. Life takes over and I usually end up forgetting. I'd send an email and maybe call them just to let them know you're there for them. My step father is a very nice and sincere man because he's never given up with the phone calls. I love him for that. Come to think of it, I'm going to call him right now
In my opinion, a death in the
In my opinion, a death in the family warrants some extra nice gestures, even toward obnoxious people.
So see what makes sense, but may be you and DW could do something special for the SDs? Those acts of kindness
are typically remembered and go a long way...
Orange County - I think I
Orange County - I think I would make it a point to send a personal card from just me (you in this case) to each one. That would be letting them know that you care and understand their loss. Losing a parent is pretty tough.
Also, keep in mind their family dynamics are changing. Things might, just might, start to be different between them and you in time.
This I know because my own DD was conflicted at times when her father was alive. She always got along great with my hubby, BUT, he wasn't her father. When her father passed, my hubby became the "father" figure in her life....and yes, she was in her late 20's at that time, not a child.
Be gentle with them....it is a hard time.
Oh, and for what it is worth, I did go to the wake for my former husband. He was the father of my only child and deserved that respect even if we couldn't make a go of it for whatever reason. I also went to his Mother's wake back in the late '90's and even visited her a few times at the nursing home she was in. Heck, it wasn't her fault her son was a jerk. I can tell you that later, years later, my daughter told me how my going made her feel good at those tough times.