Adult sdaughter wants to move home.
A little history , been living with boyfriend two years now. Long distance for two. Left everything to be with him and start a life . Both agree to not marrying again. He has two daughters. 23,24 I have one 25. Mine has no issues other than missing mom. As we are 10 hrs apart. His however have turned into manipulatiing ignorant little brats. Oldest lives 20 min away. Youngest was in school when I moved in , with intentions of moving to states with her fiancé.
When I moved in my hubby said make it yours , make it our home. So I proceeded to clean 20 years of junk. Clean , paint ect. As his ex did nothing. And I mean nothing. It all began when I asked both girls. If they could go through the closets ect. As neither live here , just toys and stuff there mother never through away. Said they can store stuff here. Just needs to be gone through and put into totes for storage. We even built a storage shed for there things ,
Its turned into a gong show. The youngest and I had it out over txt message. The oldest comes out and ignores me now. I’ve had it with both. They come into our home with people. Give grand tour to them. Including our bedroom. Use there key if doors are locked to come in. I’m at my witts end. And now youngest has been in states since coming out of school in May. And has to come back to Canada as she has no papers to stay there. I already know. If she moves in. My relationship is over. She came home for amonth last summer. And it damn near ended her dad and I. I’ve tried to talk to both as adults. With there dad. But neither want to sit down and hash this bullshit out , I’m not sure what to do anymore. I bust my ass of to clean and make this a home. Yard work ect. Plus I work Full-Time and we farm. I am not sure what will happen , if one day something happens to my SO. We are not married. So his kids would toss me out like yesterday’s garbage.
After I did all the hard labour of cleaning the place up. Any advice please.
Do these skidadults
Have a mother? They can go stay with her.
Change the locks and do NOT
Change the locks and do NOT give them a key. They have both moved out and htis is no longer their home. There is absolutely no reason for them to invite people over and even less for them to give their guests the "grand tour".
You have a man problem.
You have a man problem. Until he puts his foot down and tell the skids that they are adults now and tells them what that looks like from here on out, nothing will change. As for what you get, don't put anything more into the house. Keep it clean and whatever , but you have no investment and until you do, live accordingly.
At 23 and 24, the realtionship should be different. Get after dad to clean up this mess.
I had an issue with my elder
I had an issue with my elder SD (she was 22 at the time) last September, there was a lot of drama in NPD BM's house and she wanted to come and live with us. I just said no. I have the right of veto to any adult living under our joint roof without my consent. So do you.
Talk to your SO about putting
Talk to your SO about putting you on the deed as joint tenants with rights of survivorship...if he wants you to stay and keep contributing to the maintenance and upkeep of the home. It's not right for you to invest your time, effort, and money into a family home/business and then have no part of it.
If he's worried about his girls, he can easily provide something for them in his will or even put the home in trust so that it must go to them once you have passed. But, you're right...you would be homeless within a month after years of work and investment if anything happened to your SO...given the current situation.
So either fix that or leave now and start investing in your own future...not his and his kids' future.
THIS^^^^^^ and ASAP. As it
THIS^^^^^^ and ASAP. As it is now you are nothing more than an unpaid farm and who is living with their Father.
Move. That house will never
Move. That house will never feel like yours
Those girls are nothing! Act
Those girls are nothing! Act like you own the place. Put their shit in garbage bags and put them in the garage. Change the locks. Don’t give them keys to YOUR house. Don’t text them ever again. Block them.
I blocked SD on all social media and on my phone and email. Guess what. She’s 13. Her dad supports me. Bitchy daughters need to back off.
You're disrupting their
You're disrupting their family home. They'd prefer is everything stayed the way it was when they were kids and mommy and daddy were together. If things are left the way mom had them then there's some semblance of the first family still being intact. Clearing out the clutter and putting their belongings in storage to make the space *yours* is an unwelcome change for them and the final nail in their mommy and daddy reuniting fantasy. They see this as THEIR home, not yours. You're the interloper who had come in and wrecked their home.
I dealt with the same BS from DH's adult sons. They were throwing tantrums at the changes that were made to THEIR house. They whined to DH that he should have made all of those changes when they lived there. ss33 tried to reorganize the house for me the way his mother had it. "My mom put the cups here, plates here...Mom also used this kind of toilet paper holder...The bread goes here..." I politely told him that I appreciated his help but that I would organize in a way that made sense for me. There are still some of their things here and there but for the most part it's all been returned to skids. 2 years ago DH wrapped up some of ss33's belongings that he "didn't have time" to pick up and gave them to him for xmas. BWAHAHAHA!!!
It will always be a fight when skids believe you are in their house. After years and much painting and remodeling skids still try to mark their territory. Imagine if DH and I went into their homes and acted the same way. Awful double standard that's impossible to win unless DH sets boundaries with them.
Oh and please for your sanity do not let skid move in! She can get a fricking roommate like other adults have. It would even be worth DH paying the first few months for your peace of mind.
Good luck!
Best thing DH and I did was
Best thing DH and I did was sell both our houses and buy an "ours" house. None of the kids could claim the space as "theirs." You can still do that to get out from under the old family home expectations and traditions, and where you are considered an intruder.