Hi All,

This is my first post here and I need some outside advise concerning my step-son. This is my second marriage and I have custody of my two (2) sons from my first. This is also my current wife's second marriage and she has a young girl and older son. This marriage began 10 years ago when the boys were 5,6,& 7 and the girl was 2. Since the beginning, I have tried to be the father of her kids, being their father has very little involvment in their lives. My involvment has been very limited with her children and if I tried to correct their behavior, she would take it out on my two kids. Through many arguments (not around kids), we came to the agreement, I would raise my two boys the way they should be raised and she would raise her two the way she felt they should be raised. During the course of this marriage, her son has been OUT OF CONTROL! Started out with lighting fires in his bedroom, constant lying, and total lack of respect. I found myself punishing my boys for things he was doing because they knew what he was doing and never said a word to me. I know now that this was wrong because all the bad things he would do, he would never face any disiplinary actions. Growing up, my sons could never understand why we had two sets of rules in the house for them all to abide by. All I could tell them is that they will benefit later in life and understand why they were held accountable for their actions. Entering the teen years, my step-son, became involved in the wrong crowd. He started smoking marijuana, sneaking out of the house at age 14, stealing, arrested for criminal mischief, etc. My wife would give the police officers grief and accuse them and his teachers of constantly picking on him. Since he was 8 years old he has been suspended from school, multiple times for being aggressive and disrespecting adults. I told her years ago that she was raising a monster she would not be able to control. Her response was that her two kids will be better than my two boys. I didn't even respond to such a childish statement. During his teen years the drug use has increased, brough home by police for fighting, and has even purposely attracted attention of the police so he could argue with them or look cool in front of his peers. Ages 14-18, have been a LIVING HELL!!! I have spent many hours trying to talk to this boy over the years about responsibility, respect, loyalty to family, career choices, grades, and the rules and law of society. He has never viewed me as a father type figure in his life and knew I had no authority because his mom made it that way. At age 16, my wife finally comes to me and says she needs my help to control him. It was too late! The drug use has been through the roof, he has stolen from all of us in the house, arrested several times for more serious crimes. My wife would in the beginning be "shocked" and then as if the Men in Black flashed the light in her eyes, she would forget all about what he was doing and treat him like he was a good kid. With no exageration, 90% of what comes from this boys mouth is lies. He will lie about things that he doesnt have to lie about. We have tried counselling, medication, mental ward, jail, and juvenile boot camp. Then he gets his girlfriend pregnant and they have a beautiful son together. They moved into an apartment 12/2010, he was still looking for a job and she received some settlement money from a law suit that they decided to live off of. His grandfather owns a business and gave him enough days at his shop to cover the rent. A week ago, they lost their apartment and she decided to split from him because she cant handle the way he is. I found out that he is now into cocaine and has been invovling himself with gang members. His girlfriend is now pregnant again and he still says he is looking for a job but needs a place to stay. He is not allowed to live at his girlfriends house because he took their vehicle on a few occasions without their permission, while they were out of state. He calls his mother (im not included) and asks if he can "spend the night" cause he has nowhere else to go. I finally drew the line in the sand and told my wife that if he comes back here, the boys and I were leaving. My wife actually agreed with me and told him no! All of a sudden, I am important and he wants to ask me for permission to come back. I explained that I haven't been happy with the way he lives his life and now that he is 18, I no longer have to put up with it. I told him to go elsewhere and that im not supporting his behavior. Since then we have met face to face to discuss his situation. I took him to his grandfathers (real dads side) home and dropped him off there and tried to tell him how to fix his life. All he talked about is killing someone so he can go to jail, jail is easy, and he was going to kill himself. He says I need to be the father and uphold my responsibility. Funny eh? My wife recently discovered $7000 in jewelery is missing from our bedroom. She had the gall to blame my oldest son! I talked to my step-sons (baby momma) and she told me he stole the jewelery shortly after christmas. I went to the stores trying to find the stuff but was too late as it has been scrapped out already. I filed a police report and pretty much forced my wife to go to the police station to do it. I have asked him about how he going to take care of this new child and his exact words were " Do you want it!" I said no, "Neither do we!" The other three children are doing well and wish we had less drama in our lives. None of them are involved in drugs and do good in school and play sports. Sorry this is so long but I could go all freaking night long about our situation. I just don't know where to turn from here. I don't know if I can do more to try to help my step-son, it seems hopeless, and I believe he has to help himself before any of us can help him. It is getting to the point where I am starting to hate this kid for all the hell he is putting us through. The thought of him sometimes makes me feel sick to where i feel like im going to pass out. I have never laid a hand on this kid and affraid that if I see him anytime soon, I will act in a way that will damage this family forever. Any suggestions? Thanks and sorry for the grammer errors