What should I do about the Crazy EX
Hi everyone. Im glad I came across this site. I hope to get some helpul advice.
Well, here goes. I am getting married soon to a man who has two kids with an ex girl friend. They have never been married or really lived together. The boys are 3 and 5.
We have been together for over 3 years....we met when the ex was pregnant but they weren't together. She was engaged to some other man. Anyway.... she really makes my Fiance's life torture. She has done some crazy wacky things to him. He's a great Dad, pays his child support and spends as much time with the Kids as he is allowed. Our relationship is long distance, I live in a different Country but we have made it work.
The Ex recently had a baby for another man...(that she claims she was suppose to marry) but not happened. My Fiance was over at her parents house to see his kids as well as babysit her new child and we were on Skype. The kids were saying hello to me and talking. I have met them before and they know me.
His Ex is now mad at him and me for talking to the kids (over skype). She doesn't want me talking to them. He is telling me that she is going to trip when he tells her we are getting married. I do not understand this. Why should she have a problem with me talking to their children. I know the boys well, and always talk to them on the phone when they are with their Dad..and I am very fond of them. When I move with my Husband..I had hoped to spend more time getting to know them.
However...I am afraid...the lady will not make my life easy. How should I deal with Her. I really have a feeling she is going to cause much problems not only with the kids...but with my Personal Relationship. She is very vindictive. My Fiance is aware that I feel very strongly about this and do not want trouble. I do not want her intefering with our lives..however, his kids are part of his life..and will eventaully be part of mine and I do not want to avoid them because their mother holds a grudge.
I would really like some advice on how to approach this situation.
Thanks much!
I am living with my fiance,
I am living with my fiance, who just got divorced last year (the divorce was a two year process) and he has two children. The ex wife is absolutely the hardest women to understand--and quite frankly, I don't know what to do about her anymore. I feel your pain, the best thing to do (in my opinion) is to not feed in to her drama-does he have parenting plan, or court ordered visitation?
Setting clear, consistent boundries is also paramount to everything-being respectful to her, as gut-wrenchingly difficult as that can be, is super important. My fiance had to limit communication to email,text, etc. so that everything was in writing. It helps with documentation, as sad as that is. Also, your boyfriend MUST show respect to you-by not blurring any boundries, and setting limits with her. That's been a tough one for us--he is not the most talkative guy, and she runs her mouth whenever she has the itch. That's been a huge issue for us, and it's something that we are currently working on. He's not with her anymore, and his being a parent doesn't equate to making her life happy.
For two long years, I've had to shut my mouth, grin and bear it, when she'd call me names or manipulate visitations, or write certified letters to anyone full of lies about me. I lost it one day--didn't curse at her or call her names, but finally asserted myself when she started some drama when she was dropping off the kids. She's been restricted at drop off to remain in the car. She did not do that, and I finally had enough of the stress, and told her that she wouldn't be allowed to pull this stuff anymore, the FIRST time I ever spoke to this women after two years. I said it twice, and shut the door. I know it's so tricky-because the emotions they have for their ex husbands/boyfriends are the motivation behind a lot of the stuff they demand, but you've got to rise above it all. I know it's the hardest thing on Earth to do, especially when a woman you would never associate under normal circumstances,becomes a part of your life-and causes stress. Keep your head up and always try to kill with kindness. Ugh. I can't believe I said that....
Unfortunately, grin and bear
Unfortunately, grin and bear it is the only solution that has worked for me so far. If you get upset it usually just causes problems between you and your fiancé. I definitely understand the frustration of the other woman...or in my case women! Ugh. I came from a blended family, and thought this is easy, NOT! When the ex wants to make things difficult, and has primary custody, she usually can. However do not limit yourself less powerful than you truly are in the situation. Bottom line is you have the heart of man that this woman would like to control. As long as he can see through her BS, everything should work out for the best. I unfortunately have not had that happen yet in my relationship, so I just smile and act like the adult I hope someday his children will be. (But it sucks; because man do I want to lay into women }:) ) This website has helped me alot, it makes me feel not so insane. Or reading up on the subject, get expert advice. I have found if I try to understand, it takes away some of the anger.