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StepParents and disipline

Kikster's picture

Do SMs have the right to disipline? I was helping my SD with homework when she started giving me attitude. I lightly slapped her on the arm to get her attention and then told her to watch the attitude. She finished her homework without futher incident.

She then went to BMs house and told her mom that I hit her. BM went nuts and filed court papers seeking a modification to the parenting plan that says I'm not allowed to be with the SD alone anymore! That if BF works late or something, BM gets to watch her until BF gets home.

I don't even consider what I did as "disipline" or "spanking" or anything close. I've never "hit" SD to disipline or for any other reason.

So do Step Parents have a right to disipline? Either verbally or physically? It's not illegal for parents to spank, but can step parents?

We spoke to our lawyer and she said that BM doesn't have much of a case since this was an isolated incident and in no means "child abuse".

What do you guys think?

goingcrazy's picture

Well, I will give you the point of view as a BM and SM... If my BD came home at told me her SM smacked, hit, yelled, I would look further into it. I think it is the protective nature of the BM. The way that I got through this I took the initiative to get to know the SM and her views on child rearing. She knows my stand as well. Now when something arises, I immediately let my ex know that I feel uncomfortable. But I would NEVER proceed to the courts because it is so very destructive to the child.

Now from the view of a SM. My five year old SD (who we have custody of)has had severe behavioral issues, usually refuses to respect me and is currently in therapy. I did not know where my boundaries were at first. Did not want her running to BM with exaggerated stories (such as your case). I steadily lost control of her, my rules, my home. After going through much therapy, I realized that I am also the mom, actually the primary because I spend all the time raising her. I have to punish her in order for her to respect me, and to accept me as a parent. Her therapist told me this was ok. That the children must know that respect is a must. The child doesn't have to love us, or even like us as step parents, but respect is mandatory. Now, this child is becoming more loving, more respectful and more like a BD.

Let the BM do what she wishes. Luckily, the BM to my SD is now in jail and I no longer have to deal with her crap, but prior to a few months ago, I was in the same boat as you. You may think about not using phsyical means for punishment. I learned that what I do with my BD is somewhat different from my SD, but you definitely have all the rights to reprimanding!!!!! Good Luck.

SomeonePleaseHelp's picture

Im in a messed up situation here, please someone help. The SD is wearing shorts that barely cover her crotch and rear (wears see thru black leggings under it), i found a broken tweezer with what i believe to be pot resin, her grades were bottoming out and she still hasn't shown me that she can be trusted after I caught her internet chat with adult men (inappropriate) and photos she put on the internet of herself, plus found her with 3 adult men so far and she's a minor. Her father had placed house rules etc in place and used to be strict about them so I adjusted. Now that I'm following thru with the strictness of HIS house rules about clothing, behavior; he changes the rule or talks to her away from me and say it's ok to dress like this and do what she wants, then i find out later and my view seems to mean nothing because he walks all over any disipline i try to put in place. My god, this teenager looks like a prostitue and he says it's her choice and style...but yet he won't dare allow the younger girls we have wear anything close to it (thank god). After a major blow up between me and the SD and then later between me and her father, I flat out told him that I don't want either of them speaking to me until HE decides to be a parent again. It's tearing me up and I just don't how much more of this belittling I can take in this relationship. The BM is across the US and makes phone calls to my SD, telling her to do what she wants. I'm losing a battle that seems like I'm the only level headed one here and feel I can't take much more. This has just been getting worse in increments for almost a year now. I'm to the point that it makes me sick to my stomach to even see the SD's face or my husband's face when stuff like this is going on. I don't know what to do when the other adult in this house ignores my view of situations completely and is more concerned with being the SD's buddy and not her parent. Someone please tell me something because I can't do this alone much longer!

OldTimer's picture

In many ways, I too am more stern than my DH too, but I tell you... DH can get pretty darn strict at times. Neither one of us have ever had to resort to spanking or 'hitting' SS- except once when he was 3 and ran out in the street... DH gave him a spanking and SS never ran out in the street again! LOL.

In the beginning, and being that BM's behavior was just ruthless, most of the discipline was handled by DH, but now that I've been around for quite sometime and there isn't really much of a problem with SS now, we both pretty much take care of any issues either together or as needed.

Wink StepMom

Man has the intelligence to change his life,
Sometimes, he just fails to use it...

sixxnguns's picture

BUT if his dad is around he'll try and run to him as he must think he will get rescued from being disciplined...I spank my own child sometimes when I feel it's necessary but won't lay a hand on SS cause I don't think I'd feel comfortable doing it since he's not mine..I'm alot stricter than fiancee and his ex wife..they let this kid do whatever he wants most of the time...his moms a nutcase too so if she found out all hell would break loose...

laughterandtears's picture

Our SS's live with us as well and believe me, I HAVE to disipline these boys. In the beginning, they would go to BM's and tell her I beat the s**t out of them and of course she wuld call whomever she felt she needed to at the time. I finally got tired of and asked DHS, and called the police dept to find out if I could get into any trouble for correcting their behavior. This is what I was told:

DHS~As the child(ren)is living in your house, even if it were on a weekend only basis, you are responsible for their behavior and therefore must take action to correct any said behavior that is not beneficial to the child. We do not encourage spankings, but it is legal as long as there are no brusies. As the SM, it is more your responsibility than it would be say, a babysitters.

Police Dept~Well ma'am, it's like this, YOU will be held accountable for any law they break as they would be in your care so I would suggest you make them behave and(my favorite) while talking to my SS's on the phone, an officer posed this question, "Would you like me to come out there? Because if I do , then I get to spank you".

So, in conclusion, as an SM and BM myself, I have no other recourse but to displine my SS's, and this includes spanking if that is truly needed (though anymore they don't even feel it, so I gave that up) b/c I am not going to be disrespected nor held accouontable for their actions.

As a BM, I alone raise my son and I doubt I would allow another woman to do so. That's just me though and another story.

Dawn-Moderator's picture

We have primary custody of ss so I do discipline. Sometimes I have to yell. I have never spanked.......ever. Bm hates me and I'm not going to give her any ammo to use against me. That's not to say that I would spank if she weren't in the picture. I think if that needed to be done, I would leave it up to Dh. So I usually take things away from ss if need be.
If you are responsible for a child, there has to be some form of discipline. Even for a babysitter or daycare. It could be time outs or whatever.


Cruella's picture

I have never spanked but GOOD GOD I want to sometimes. I strictly take activities away and I don't play while doing this. They know I am Cruella when it comes to groundings.

Anonymous's picture

I have been married for 2 years and personally I am about to give up,if I can't come to an agreement with my spouse. My ss is totally disrespectful to me and on 3 occasions he has taken things I have did and said and twisted them around and his bd believes him over me and my mother-in-law talks behind my back and say I hate my ss. I don't feel comfortable spanking ss and one time when I tried I did a bad job, because ss is 10 and almost my size and.Just a while ago I told ss to cut off light and go to bed and ss totally ignored me and cut back on light 2 times and I just took ss TV out of room for punishment, ss went to his bd dads room and told him tell sm to give me back my TV and my spouse yelled at him ,but put tv back in room and I am very upset, because basically my ss got his way in the end.

anncanbike's picture

This sounds like I could've written it... I'm just 6 mos. into this sm stuff with 11 yr. boy twins will not do one I thing I ask them to do. Never! They ignore me, or say -- "in a sec." I blew up yesterday & told DH that I can't allow them to lie & dis. me anymore & why does he allow it -- is it the medication (anti-depressants?), being too intelligent for his own good (being Dr. Freud rather than Dad), or that he LOVES them so much more? Whatever it is, I don't feel it. His specialty is grounding them, then taking them to a video store for new stuff so the grounding will be "peaceful for everyone" although the grounding only lasts 1/2 time originally set. One swin got all D's on report card so Dad actually had him lay down on the bed and relax a few minutes then began 1/2 hr. session of why D's? Kid never took any ownership or remorse of his grades or comments made by teachers. Dad decides he needs motivation to achieve better grades in the form of a trip to Florida with the CAPANO's in March, in which they will miss 3 days school & be with the CAPANO family. Dad said this is a lifetime opportunity for them.
I'm in shock & very worried, but they are his swins & really I have no power besides the power he delegates to me. I have stated if twins come back handicapped they can't live here with us b.c. house isn't handicap accessible & I'm not caring for a handicap that was your decision. I know this will be hard if either swin is hurt/handicap but seriously I verbalized my fears & my position, rest is on Dad. We all either suffer consequences for mistakes or reap what we sow...

happy's picture

As a BM first... I have talked to my ex's GF and told her because she is having issues with my son listening to her, I have told her you have to take a stance now with both of my children or they will run freely all over you. They will any kid will. As a SM I am struggling with discipline issues with SD who is 16 and feel I have no power, mostly because her mom calls about everything I say and do. That being said I am at the end of my "nice" rope and if I piss off my husband to damn bad, which I think for me is what I fear the most with him. I do not want to be the one to come in between there relationship but at the same time I am done being used, by BM and SD.. If I am good enough to take on all other parenting responsibilities then I am good enough to take on discipline at my home. What she does at her mom's house is her business, and could care less.
I would never touch her child unless of course they touched me first. But even then I don't think I would hit them, but I can tell you this I would press charges against them. Regardless! It would take one time of touching me and they would have charges pressed against them. And believe me that would be mighty big of me.. LOL..
I think we have rights too..


" make sure you tell the people you love most EVERYDAY.. Its important not only for them to know but for you to tell.. Life is to short to be miserable..

skye22's picture

No, I don't think it is our place to discipline step children. I am firm with my ss but he KNOWS that if he is rude to me in any way shape or form I will let his dad know. And I do. Usually all that I have to do is threaten to tell his father and he straightens up real quick. I am also a BIo mom. And in the event that my husband and I ever split and he remarried. I WOULD NOT be okay with that person hitting my child..... Not saying that you did anything wrong just my point of view from both standpoints Smile

Kikster's picture

I appreciate all your comments! I have never spanked my SD and don't plan on doing it because I think it's better for the BD to do so. And the slap on the arm wasn't what I consider "hitting" a child. BF has only spanked my SD less than 10 times in her whole life (she's 8 years old). She's a really good kid, just sometimes starts to throw a tantrum. I was just trying to nip it in the bud. I can understand the perspective of the BMs out there and how you don't want the SD to disipline, but what other options do we have? I'm the primary parent at my house. I can't wait till the next day when my husband has time to disipline to finally talk to SD. The disipline (verbal) needs to be done immediately in order to have any effect.

The reason why SD tries to throw tantrums is because she can get away with it at her mom's house. BM is too lax in her disipline and we have to deal with the consequences of that.

Anonymous's picture

I have been stepmom for 2years and have 3 bio children. Skids never get punished which was really hard to accept they are pretty good though. But comments to me were just rude, I had many a crying moment. I decided that because we only had skids every second weekend and on holidays there was no difference than when friends children came to stay. So I discipline them the same as I do with my friends children. Bingo it worked!!!! Example when being rude to me,
I would say, that really hurt my feelings when you say that.
Please dont jump on my lounge because if I came to your house I would not jump on your mums lounge.
Not everything works, thats when I need to get their dad involved but he's pretty good.
This will not help everyone, but maybe the answer to just even a few of you.

still_looking's picture

I really do understand what I visualize as having happened in your home regarding you lightly tapping yor step childs hand, so I definately know the difference between tapping and HITTING or SPANKING, neither of which you did. As a Bm and SM, so I obvioulsy have to share my own biological children with another household, as well as having 2 more into our shared home. I would never and I do mean never touch my step-children in any means except to seperate them if they were fighting each other. I personally feel that you would be walking into disaster. A mother is none more protective than she is with her child, so even as innocent as what you did it would be YOUR VERSION, THE CHILD'S VERSION AND THE TRUTH. Why even risk that? I EXPECT none the less for my bio kids to respect any adults authority and they are aware of this, they would be disciplined immediatley if they gave their father's girlfriend ANY attitude. BUT it is the known household rule for BIO Dads House and Bio Moms house, no one other than the actual BIO PARENTS will touch the children at all. Now this is a success with us because the actual biological parent STAYS on top of their biological child's DISCIPLINE. My step kids are not allowed to give me lip, attitude, snide remarks, flippant mouths, rolling eyes, dis-respect, or anything that any sane human being would consider RUDE, their father my husband would be all over them, so maybe this works for us because the OTHER parent handles the issue immediately so the child is so scared believe me they never even attempt to do whatever it was that they did again. My Bio's are 13 and 11 my steps are 13 and 11, I have been in their life for 3 years and maybe this is also what is helping us.

"Be there for the joy. Be there for the tears. Be there for each other."
(Step-Mom the Movie 1998)

PPV40's picture

can be different to everyone and it's a he said she said and no matter what we do as step parents we will be wrong... common things in our every day life are just not the same when we become step parents.

Mocha2001's picture

I do discipline my SS, but have never "spanked" him ... I have "swatted" him on the bottom when he was beginning to throw a temper tantrum in public. DH has spanked him for a horrendous temper tantrum. Never once have we heard back from BM. Guess we are lucky. If we did, I don't think she'd go to court first, but she'd bring it up.

SS said "uncle (mom's BF) hit me in the head." Now this man used to be DH's best friend - reason for divorce. DH has seen BF hit his own children in the back of the head, and has told BM that he will not tollerate that behavior from BF to son. Even though he knew it to be normal behavior for BF to his own children, we questioned SS to make sure it really happened and to know how it happened before saying anything to BM ... it didn't happen, but still ...

I guess you just go to court, say the truth, and go from there ... I am a firm believer in the fact that the truth always comes out.

~ Katrina

everythinghappens4areason's picture


Anonymous's picture

I think kids should respect ALL adults (including stepparents), regardless of whether they actually love or like the stepparent or not.

Stepping Out's picture

Man! You hit it right on the head! my sk's are teens now and they should have learned respect when they were 3. I hear about 'treating them like they were my own', but if they were, disrespect would NOT be treated as a minor infraction - respect is the foundation of every relationship. I can say that i've lost respect for my wife because she can't command respect from her own children. the kids don't like me....i don't care, they damn well better respect me. they would have half the lives they have now if i weren't in the picture and i feel offended that mom will not put the foot down and repeat that FACT each time they get lippy. it's an issue of her respecting her husband. i hear from my wife about her having to be a mediator - that is not the case....she needs to be a parent and take the adult side, not mediate. to the kid: you knew it was wrong, you did it anyway, you will face a consequence. period. where is the need for mediation? it's right or it's wrong.

EnoughMe's picture

From what I know of most human beings (but children especially, because they are still developing ideas of right from wrong), they tend to test boundaries and misbehaviour is a normal part of this.

I think that the most honest advise I can give you, is do what you would naturally do, i.e. react the way you would if it was your biological child (I am of course presuming that we are all 'sane', 'non-abusive' people on this site).
I do not think that anymore can be demanded of you, just be yourself: the police have rightly said that YOU will be held responsible for their behaviour as they are in your care.

As for the BM, you can absolutely ignore her if you wish to as the only person you are answerable to is your partner, and so long as you agree on parenting technique (even if you disagree, as long as you can accept it), then that is WHAT the matters.
YOU control your home and those who reside in it, and they will learn this as long as you consistently convey this message.

In my experience, the more you ignore the BM and run your home the way YOU want, and the better you get this message across to your partner, then YOU will not be inconvinienced by the whole step-issues thing.
Do not let sentiment over-cloud your judgement, as it is a sign of GUILTY STEP-PARENT syndrome, where you are so aware that you anot the child's bio parent and you try to compensate by being 'too nice'.

Good luck...

Being the Real 'You' should Always be Good Enough

TracyK's picture

This is my first post; I have been lurking for awhile. I have been a SP for almost two years. The problem that I am having is that there are rules at my house but, when the kids (SD12, SS14) go back to their BM's house; anarchy reigns! The kids have been known to address her with the F-word. BM and BD have 50/50 custody. They are so used to talking to their mom like that and when they come to our house, they do the same thing i.e., talking back, telling us what we should do and how to do it, rude comments etc. I am at the point where I do not want to be in the house every other week when they are there.

rachaemdea's picture

As's hard enough as it is!
I have three SD's and the only one that listens to me is the 12 year old. The 8 and 4 year old do not listen to me. The younger two have a serious eating problem (post for a different time) and I can't get them to eat anything that wasn't deep fried!

All they do is sit on their butt watching Sponge Bob. Ugh! So aggrivating. Part of the problem is that my husband has like no custody. It took a long time for them to be able to come see us 1800 miles away from where they live! The BM is paranoid that he's going to kidnap them. Yeah...riiiight. I feel bad for these kids because they have no boundries. The younger two that is. The older one had a ton more rules than the younger two.

Silly rules they must follow:
No school bus riding
No spending the night at friends houses
Rarely do they have a friend over
They get to eat what ever they want
No after school activities ("It's too hot!")
If the oldest doesn't get straight A's, she's grounded that quarter!
So sports (too hot)

The BM is allowed to:
Keep them from calling us
Smokes like a chimmney
Only feeds them unhealthy food
Manipluates them all the time
Only reminds them of the bad things that happened around their BF

The BM also calls me names in front of the kids which is just sooo mature. "Fat ass" and "Stupid" were the two names she's called me. I have never called their mom a name to their faces. I get aggrivated and say "Well that's dumb" or "stupid" but I don't call her those things. I do call her paraniod though. She clearly is.

It's so frustrating that I'm not allowed to speak up. Well, I'm allowed to but it seems like all I do is nag on them and get angry. I don't want to be that person because I'm NOT that person. I'm a ton of fun to be around and only the oldest girls knows that because she's the only one I get along with! The other two know how to play their dad. He's starting to stand up to them though and it's about time.

We only get to see the girls on holidays (most every other) and he just wants to have fun with them - and so do I but when the 8 year old makes her BF sign a contract to eat what ever she wants?! I mean come on! She did NOT come up with that on her own. And by signing it - it strips away all of his parental rights to treat his daughter the way a father should. It's so out of hand!

/rant off

Seasons's picture

I understand your situation and know how difficult it all is. I go through the same struggles with SD 12. She is very manipulative. I pick up the skids every Wednesday just to be treated as a bus driver. BD has no dicipline and it is very difficult to be on the side lines watching this. I just remind all of them that they are lucky that they aren't my Bkids if they were they wouldn't carry on as they do... It is unbelievable! I know that the BM is against me and BD being togther. I don't like people that are mean and don't support the kids having good relationships with potential people that can offer them love. I do believe in Karma. Take care of you love yourself. We can't always rely on the love of our life or people in our lives to fill our hurts and voids. I have to try and remind myself of this. If I take care of me then I think that I have more to offer to others. Sometimes I try to fake it until I make it as long as I am not being abused.

Mary Louise's picture

If skids aren't listening to instructions or haven't finished whatever job they are supposed to have done (make bed, brush teeth, etc)and they are watching tv, I simply walk over pick up the remote and turn it off. period.

if they argue, they have to wait longer to turn it back on.

Seasons's picture

What exactly should we ask for when it comes to the skids respecting us? BF doesn't really feel comfortable discinpling because he feels guilty about the divorce. Not only that he struggles with not having them very often so he doesn't reinforce any rules. I would like to know what Respect we should expect from skids. Anyone?

Most Evil's picture

Respect to me is not having them address you with the f-word like someone said. Or talking back or questioning your decisions or keep trying after you have already given your answer. Also not saying please or thank you is not respectful. Tone of voice, looks, mumbling, anything undermining to you is not respect. My SD claimed to not understand this concept but they absolutely do know exactly what it means.

I want to be treated like the drill sargent at Parris Island. Mam, yes mam! We always had to say Yes Ma'm and Yes Sir to my parents and I grew up fine and now that is how I like it too, but I don't think parents make their kids do that any more.

Most Evil

GreenTeaTime's picture

have rights. Not in a court of law, but as a responsible care taking adult. When I first came into SS's life when he was 2.5, I had no power whatsoever. It took me about a year to be able to have any say in the discipline of ss. According to "Step motherhood" by Cherie Burns, a really good read, it takes a year for most step parents to be able to discipline, and have the discipline be accepted by the Skids. That first year was kind of hell when ss was around, and it's a miracle of sorts that I didn't run screaming, and that I ever married my Dh.
One thing that DH said to me that stuck, and I guess sucked me in, was " don't let him scare you away with his behavior. thats what he tries to do with everyone. And it has worked up till now. you have to show no fear." Befor we got married, we also had some in depth talks about discipline. my DH was not really using any form of discipline when I came around, and that lil guy knew just how to work DH to get what he wanted. Dh has been working through his guilt, and now has a much better handle on the discipline.
If I'm the only one around, then I do what I have to if ss is in need of discipline. This usually includes a time out sitting on a chair, being sent to a nap, and only once I had to spank him. and we are talking over the clothes one tap on the butt. My DH is pretty good about discipline nowadays. He uses time outs, and spanking when he is really being bad, which is not often.
The funny thing about spanking is if you do it right, its a good thing. DH will have given him fair warning, but if necessary, one good tap of the butt is all it takes, and he will start really crying.I think this must be because ss knows how bad he is being. We have no idea what kind of discipline BM uses, since she refuses to discuss anything with us,and that is actually quite ok since when SS is with us, he knows its a different house, and the rules of our house are different then at his house. We put up a united front( for the most part) and even in normal families they say thats important to making discipline work. So there has to be some factors I think, for step discipline to work: support from your DH , patience and not being afraid to be the adult.

Seize the moment. Remember all those women on the Titanic who waved off the dessert cart.-Erma Bombeck:

fluid's picture

i have my 3 sons and step-daughter that i look after almost daily. usually discipline for them is losing television, time-out or corner time, or going to be with no dinner.

a few months ago, my SD decided it would be fun to write all over the inside of my car with a marker. i made her clean it, and whacked her on the butt 1 time with a paddle. well, the following day she went to her paternal grandparents house. they routinely check her for bruises apparently despite the fact that nothing has ever been on her before. from this one paddle shot, she had a straight line red mark on her bum where the edge of the paddle hit her skin because she jumped as i hit her.

of course, they called me, threatening child abuse reports, taking her away, etc... i just smiled and agreed with the fact that i would not spank her like that again.

now, her father has not called her once (literally not once) in the 3 years that i have taken care of her. the only relationship she has with him is through her grandfather, who obviously puts no belief in corporal punishment at all.

i held true to my word, i have not spanked her once until today, despite the fact that 24/7 she lives with me, and i take care of her all day everyday. until today...

this morning my 8 year old and her (5 years) decided to get up and cook ramen noodles on the stove. after a stern discussion about the incident, they both got 1 snap with a belt on the bottom. she did not even cry, but after all that went on since the paddle incident my wife has been stressing out all day long because the grandparents threatening to take her from us have the "money" to do it.

my mother in law which i love to death just called, and begged me not to do it again. she says that i cannot discipline the girl that ive raised for the past 2 years, because i was not there when she was born and i have no bond with her (her own father wasnt there either, but i guess that isnt the point).

this is stupid, her father wants absolutely nothing to do with her. she is raised by me basically 24/7, and a grandparent is threatening to try and take her away because she got popped on the butt once? come on....

oh after the belt pop today, she got in trouble again, this time for sticking things into the electrical outlets... of course, im not allowed to do anything, and my mother in law says my wife would be "devastated if she lost her daughter to this other grandparent", how about losing her in an electrical fire, kitchen fire, or to electricution? hello? what in the hell is going on with people nowadays that they cant step up and act admit that their children and grandchildren actually are capable of bahving in such a way that punishment is justified.

brittany willard's picture

i am an 8th grader in middle school.and my best friend has been verbally and physically abused by both step father and mother they have threatened to deport her and called her fat her step father blames her for things she has not done and lets her mother punish's very sad when your mother takes her step father side than her own daughter. Her parents don't like me because i am not from the Philippines they have called me a slut a bitch and disrespectful and a lesbian.they have made it clear they don't want me around there daughter.and it's not that she is a bad student she is a straight A student never sick,and she is a very loving and a friendly personality she makes friends where ever she goes but it is very sad on those days to see my best friend go from just about the friendliest person to a depressed sad little girl.she needs help to clear this up please help.

mombydefault's picture

I think all the others have responded with the same things I would have said. A step parent MUST disciple (not abuse) their step children otherwise the step parent will not be respected or seen as a parental figure. I discipline my step child. I raise him, his mother rarely even sees him so she has no right to tell me how to raise a child that lives under my household 98% of the time. When SS is at his BM's house or at his grandmother's house there are practically no rules. He comes home forgetting his manners and how we've taught him to behave, but he quickly goes back to a well behaved child since his father and I raise him w/rules and boundaries. We have a lot of fun with him, but he will not run over us. He's only mouthed off to me once and he realized that the words he said to me shouldn't have come out of his mouth as he was speaking them. I have never laid a hand on him nor will I, but I will also not let an 8 yr old run over me. His BM would be more than happy to make false accusations so I will never spank him or even threaten to. If he misbehaves I will make him do several jump & jacks or push-ups though. BM has clearly stated that she doesn't want me disciplining her child, but she's not raising him, I am. My DH supports my decisions and knows that his son must respect me as well as him.

Brittany-your post was from awhile back, but if your friend's parents behave this way speak to a school teacher or counselor immediately. There is no excuse for parents to talk to you or your friend in that manner.

Sunflower's picture

This is my first time as a SM and I do believe in punishment.
Although I am for spanking I do not spank my s-kids.Its just a really sticky situation.I do think that all children need discipline and structure.Every one has their own way of parenting but my best advice is when it comes to s-kids hands off. Be consistent with punishments and make sure they fit the rule that has been broken.You are a human being just as they are and everyone deserves respect!!The quicker you lay down the law the less resistance you will get.Also make sure that you and your husband are on the same pages with the punishments that always helps to keep the s-kids from at least pitting you 2 against eachother. Best of luck to you Smile

Not My Real Mom's picture

My SD disrespects me in every way possible and BF almost condones it. He does nothing to dispell her attitude. There is no BM. She died when the skids were a year old. I've been around since they were 5. They're 16 now. Anyway, why is she allowed to walk all over me and disrespect me and I cannot do anything about it? Can't I call it mental abuse? She is basically abusing me and I can't even defend myself.