Does bio mom has right to dictate what happens on our weeks?
I posted this on a legal advice forum so that's why it says, "my ex". I wrote it as if my husband wrote it. What do you all think?
We had our custody order filed 7 years ago. My ex received sole custody with myself having visitation rights. Visitation is 50/50 and no one pays child support. The visitation schedule has not been followed for 6 years and there's no stipulation regarding after school care. Original order was for Mon, Tues to one parent Wed, Thurs to other parent and switching off Fri, Sat, Sun between parents. We have done week on week off for the last 6 years. My child has been going to the same after school program for 4 years now on my weeks. This week my ex told me that my child will no longer be going to that after school program because she doesn't think it's an "appropriate environment" and moving forward I will have to pick the child up at her house. The reason she believes its inappropriate is because a little girl pulled her pants down on the bus to the after school program and this exposed my child to "inappropriate sexual conduct". My child is almost a teen. Come to find out the child that did this is a student at my child's school and the incident occurred on the public school bus while the children were in the custody of the public schools and not the after school program. I also found out that my ex had been talking to my son about getting him out of that after school program at least a week prior to bringing it up to me (and even told me over the phone that she's been trying t get him out of that program for the last 4 years). Does she have the right to just come in and change everything my family has done for the last 4 years? She is very controlling and always finds any reason to get her way. She is manipulative and uses my child as a pawn in her game of chess. She never communicates about anything until the day of. She schedules activities for my child on my weeks and doesn't communicate about it until the day my child has to be there and demands payment the same day and demands I have him at the activity. She has told my child several times that "I'm the primary custodian and get to make the decisions". Is this considered interference? Does she have the right to dictate where he goes after school on my weeks? Obviously its time to modify the order to reflect what we have followed the last 6 years and perhaps add stipulations about after school, activities, payments, etc. Even if we don't change the custody arrangement I believe these things need to be done.
Yes, as the primary
Yes, as the primary custodian, the ex basically holds all the cards.
After 6 years, it’s likely time for a modification.
Is she the primary? if so,
Is she the primary? if so, please change that. You need to get it set in stone that you have week on/week off 50/50 custody. Then look up parallel parenting and conduct your business on your weeks as you see fit.
I have done week on/week off with my 2 kids for 8 years. My ex lived in the school district and they would ride the bus to and from school on his weeks and on my weeks, they would go to an after school program of my choosing. I would pay all costs associated with it since it was my expense. Since then, I have moved back into the district and the kids either ride the bus to my house or their dad's depending on what week it is.
I'd like clarification on the
I'd like clarification on the custody , please.
You've mentioned sole custody and visitation rights and you're mentioned primary custodial. Do you perhaps mean BM has primary residential for school purposes? Or that BM has 100% legal (legal decision making for education, medical, religion) and split physical custody .... because your schedule is a spilt custody , no CS schedule.
And no, I do not believe BM has sole rights to demand what after-school aka babysitting facility use on Dad's time. Nor do I believe the child can be required by BM to come to her house on your 'visitation' time to be picked up.
Take your CO to a actual family court lawyer , ask for interpretation and then file for the modifications. In what world can BM decide to sign Suzie up for basketball on Dad's time, demand Dad take her, oh and yeah, give BM a d*mn check on demand?
Me thinks BM has been pulling some wool over Dad's eyes.
So mom has "sole legal
So mom has "sole legal custody", however, visitation was and always has been 50/50 for the last 9 years. My husband agreed to this because the little one was 2 doing all of this and "he just wanted equal time with his son" and mom was doing anything and everything to stop that. She wanted full custody plus standard visitation for dad (really she would want 0 visitation with dad if she had it her way).
I understand "sole custody" means you get to make the decisions but we have taken care of after school care for the child on our weeks for 9 years! Now, she demands a change? It's definitely time to modify. I'm just wondering if we will be able to switch to joint because she will not agree or if we should just change language about visitation/after school/activities on our week.
Review court order, if court
Review court order, if court order specifies who chooses medical, dental, child care etc..... Regardless of whose week, child expenses usually at 50%...just like out of pocket medical expenses.... Like dental you can have a say in regards to why you want to continue using your chikd care agency......If they have been there for 9 years, not in their best interest to change??? File a motion
MOMJEANS only if dh lets her
MOMJEANS only if dh lets her deal the deck of cards over and over again.
NCP unless ordered by a JUDGE, can do what they want to do when the child is in their care.
It is unlikely that happygolucky lost all decision making rights and still holds 50 50 shared custody.
If that's IS the case happygoluckys sphere of guidance, input as a parent is pointless. BM should request to tpr at that point.
Geeze,,,I am soooo sick of reading story after story of non custodians systematically placed in bare minimal role. But often times it is NOT true. Custodials bully non custodians every single day, day IN and day out. Do what you want happygolucky and let her take you back to court. LIttle kids pull their pants down, some just do. I don't know why.
I would believe this little girl was in trouble with the school and at home. YES it was wrong...on the kids part.
And talk to your attorney...hate to see you go thru that expense.
My point exactly...
My point exactly...
That's pretty much what we
That's pretty much what we are starting to think. My mom told me, "is it worth the fight?".. And at first I thought no.. But now, I'm like, of course it is! If we bend on this and continue to bend then the torment will never end. She has to be held accountable and each parent has an equal right to rear their child while in their care. We're going to just take it slow, talk to an attorney (who used to be the family court judge in our county) and do the smart thing. It's not going to be fun but it's necessary. I'm going to lower my expectations but at the same time hope for the best. Only 6.5 years left until SS is 18.... We can do it!!
My DH talked to our lawyer
My DH talked to our lawyer about this very topic and NO, she does not have the right to dictate what is done on your time. Even if it is after school/sports programs if you don’t BOTH agree to them you are Not obligated to pay for or take your DS to events. If You want to take him to after school events that’s up to you what is done on your time. The only kicker is thstvyoud he the one to havevto tall him you don’t want to take him/pay etc, but legally you are not obligated even if she is the custodial parent.
Reread court order......
Reread court order...... Usually states what ecpenditures are 50%/50%.... Medical, sport, school related etc....
And she can't mandate what what and how you do when you have the kids.... If neither followed the cort order and now she wants to change it to be difficukt then go to the original court order that is enforceable.... You shouod get a lawyer and file a motiin given both have followed the berbal agreement for the past few years.... She obviously wants to be a witch...assuming she got mad about something........ Some people use the kids well being unfortunately!
Nope, she doesn't get to
Nope, she doesn't get to dictate what goes on during Dad's time unless he allows her to dictate what goes on during his time.
He needs to shut this crap down pronto IMHO. If she continues to interfere then he needs to drag her ass back to court and jerk an knot in her tail. If she fails to deliver the kid for visitation on schedule then he needs to immediately file a contempt motion... each and every time.
Though she can take the kid out of the after school program on her time .... she can't on his time unless he roles over on the issue.
IMHO of course.
Good luck.
It's your time
Your time with your kid, not the exes. You do what you want to. And your kid is old enough to decide for themselves if they want to go to the after school program. Ask them. And take the bitch back to court