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BM bought SD10 cell phone and is blowing it up

ElizabethLauren's picture

Submitted by ElizabethLauren on Sun, 05/16/2010 - 3:35pm

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Family Court

BM bought SD10 a cell phone for her 10th birthday. When she comes here, BM is always calling or texting her on it. However, when she's there it's never on and when we call BM's phone to talk to SD she only answers is when she feels like it. So... we took her to court a few months ago (for several different reasons) and we got phone visitation on Tuesdays and Thursdays from 7-7:30 (which is what we asked for). We now talk to SD during that time when she is with BM. In the papers, it states that BM has the same phone visitation the other way around. But instead... she insists on continuing to call and text SD on her cell phone every day of the week. It is obviously interfering with our time with BM against the court order. Should we ask that the cell phone stay at BM's house? Should we try to take more legal action? Any advice is appreciated.

ElizabethLauren's picture

Submitted by ElizabethLauren on Sun, 05/16/2010 - 3:38pm

I meant that it is obviously interfering with our time with SD while she's at our home.

folkmom's picture

Submitted by folkmom on Sun, 05/16/2010 - 3:53pm

Your house right? Your rules?

Simple. "BM, the phone stays at home, if it is not at home, I will confiscate it as soon as it enters our home, as we do not think a 10 yr old needs a cell phone. If you need to get in touch with SD please call during the scheduled phone time."

Then...do it. IT IS YOUR HOUSE!! WHY shoudl a 10 yr old get to have a phone if you do not agree she have one? Whose house is it?

PoisonApples's picture

Submitted by PoisonApples on Mon, 05/17/2010 - 6:50am

We almost had the same problem but SD was only 5 when BM bought her a phone. I met her at the door the first time and told her that if that phone came into our home she would never see it again.

We never had a problem since.

ElizabethLauren's picture

Submitted by ElizabethLauren on Mon, 05/17/2010 - 9:31am

She's had the phone for 6 months now. Often she does forget about it because she's so young, but we feel like it's more about the principle. BM insists on calling or texting every day 2-3 times. When SD sees it, she drops everything to respond because if she doesn't, BM gives her a hard time saying things like "You don't want to talk to me?" She treats her more like a peer than a little girl. She's very catty and SD knows that if she doesn't respond she'll get an "attitude" from BM.

I agree that the phone shouldn't even come here. I know it's the right thing to do, but it's so hard because it makes us look like the bad guy on TOP of BM SAYING we're the bad guys. She's about to come for 2 weeks on and 2 off for the summer. We plan on telling BM that the phone doesn't need to come here. I guess we have the fear that SD will prefer being there instead of here because of the "things" she gets there. I know that stupid, but it still crosses our minds.

astepmom's picture

Submitted by astepmom on Mon, 05/17/2010 - 12:33pm

Elizabeth: We had the exact same program when my SS12 was 10yr old. It was very disruptive. It was only used to trouble-making by BM or if SS was supposed to be in time out. DH implemented a rule that the phone would be taken away as soon as SS started time with us. That ended in it always being forgotten or dying or whatever. So DH told BM to just keep it at home with her. A few weeks later in the middle of a child support hearing, BM's attorney asked that DH be forced to take the phone. DH's attorney argued that it was BM's property and DH shouldn't have to babysit a phone that wasn't allowed in his house. BM argued back that she might need the boys to have it at school the next day, after they left our house. DH argued that the phone wasn't even allowed at school. The judge ruled that BM WAS ALLOWED to send the stupid piece of crap to our house, but that DH could have whatever rules he wanted with it.

So first day after the court order comes out, SS shows up w/ it. I sent him into bedroom w/ DH, where the phone went into storage. SS cried and whined. Said the judge said he was allowed to bring it. DH was so cool. He said, "The judge also said that once it's here, I get to use whatever rule I want." By the next week, SS was shocked that BM has somehow "lost" his phone, so they didn't even have it to use at her house anymore.

Sorry, that is long, but it is a happy, happy ending! Hope you have one too!

ElizabethLauren's picture

Submitted by ElizabethLauren on Mon, 05/17/2010 - 1:14pm

I can't believe the judge allowed it, but at least it was addressed that your DH could do as he pleases with it when it comes to your house. It causes so many problems. She doesn't allow DH to talk to SD any other time that than the scheduled phone visitation time at HER house, but expects to talk to her every day here. I guess if they can't agree about it being left at BM's house for summer visitation, then DH will do as yours did and take it and put it away. Should we let her use it during phone visitation time, or just stick with her using our phones for that? BM only lets her use BM's phone for it. Probably for monitoring purposes. The stupid phone was only bought to interfere with our time anyway!