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WWYBMD? (what would your BM do)

mama_althea's picture

I just signed a loan and had to provide a copy of the court order for child support I receive since my income alone did not qualify me. I guess I've never read the CO carefully, or maybe I did and I forgot- we are talking about 1997 here. Turns out instead of the flat monthly figure I've been receiving all this time, the court order says a weekly amount that is the monthly amount I've been receiving divided by 4. Meaning bio-dad has been paying based on 48 weeks per year instead of 52 weeks per year. For 15 years.

This amounts to over $10,000.

A little bit of the crazy ass BM in me wants to slap ExH with a bill for it. I can imagine the reaction over at his house if I did. Shit, it might prompt his wife to join StepTalk.

I know none of your BMs would have allowed the money to go unpaid in the first place...but just for fun, what WWYBMD? (what would your BM do?)

christinen's picture

Haha! My SD's BM would DEFINITELY be trying to collect on that $10,000! What are you going to do??

mama_althea's picture

I don't know what to do. I have not said one peep about CS in 15+ years. Never asked to have it increased, even though I know he makes significantly more than he did 15 years ago, and has for a long time. I'm assuming, based on how he acted about paying it in the first place, that he feels pretty put out by the amount he has been paying. Still, I think I want him to know that he underpaid by this much. I'm obviously not going to ask him to fork over $10,000 (even though it would be awesome), but I might talk to him about applying that toward college 2-6 years from now.

Or maybe I'll look at it as not too much per year and forget the whole thing.

SMof2Girls's picture

I see your dilemma. Keep in mind, this is not about you. This is about your kid. The money is paid for the benefit the child.

I think the payment plan towards college is a good idea, or something similar to that.

Is he generally a grump to deal with? He won't like the news no matter what, but I agree with you in that he should at least know.

mama_althea's picture

Oh, I know it's for the benefit of the child...I was just having fun with the thought of the cash, and kinda with sticking it to him. He's been shit as a dad and is very materialistic, so his checkbook is where it hurts for him.

justanothergurlNJ's picture

Let's see she would start with nasy text/emials, then she with hold visitation, continue with the text messages or emails and when she got no where ask Grandma for more money and get a lawyer. How do I know this because she has done this, not for the above reason, but this is how she operates.

SMof2Girls's picture

We'd get a certified letter (with receipt verification) from her lawyer demanding payment immediately.

This would be coming from the same woman who sent DH 6 certified letters over the course of 2 weeks demanding reimbursement for 1/2 of SD6's (SD5 then) new shoes. Quick note .. 1/2 the cost of the shoes was $15 .. 6 certified letters x $2.95/each = $17.70 :?

sbm014's picture

My BM would flip her shit demand the money and probably tell everyone in town that DH scammed her out of money and try to make him sound worse tha she already has - bad thing is we know more people and they know DH is an amazing dad and he was a good husband to her until he got fed up and left.

mama_althea's picture

Yeah, I guess I need to brush up on my Psycho Behavior. I need to take whatever crazy pills these other BMs are on...

justanothergurlNJ's picture

So now I am thinking is there a class like Crazy BM 101 that no one told us about? How come I did not get my registration ohh wait I know why I was too busy moving on with my life lol.

christinen's picture

I like the idea of putting it towards your child's college costs. I'm not sure how often he has the child, if at all but in my case, my DH has SD almost all the time & in my opinion shouldn't be paying child support at all because BM hardly ever even has SD and definitely doesn't buy anything for her. But I am sure she would go after that money, along with any other money she can get her greedy little hands on. Anyway, if your ex really isn't taking care of the child in any other way, then yes I think he should have to pay to make up for it. It all depends what type of father he is in my opinion!

Anywho78's picture

Redneck would inform SD16 & SD14 about the discrepancy & tell them something along the lines of "I told you your dad doesn't care, I told you your dad's a lame-ass! Call your dad & ask him when he's paying up!" She would most certainly contact the OAG about the error & as soon as it was uploaded to the system, she would start sending pics of the screen showing the balance owed...this would be followed by copious amounts of rude badgering until he was able to come up with the 10K.

Is there a way for you to contact the CS agency & have them correct it? No need for you to get ugly, he'll get a bill in the mail & we'll get a new user on Stalk...

Crazy business!

mama_althea's picture

I hadn't thought about contacting the CS agency.

When you get the new Stalk member who still holds a grudge againsther SD16 for unfriending her on FB when she was 13 and whose BM is a money-grubber after 15+ years of underpayment...that'll be her.

Anywho78's picture

I'd say the FB thing is too common...however...the 15+ years of underpayment will be a HUGE give away!

emotionaly beat up's picture

If you ask for that $10,000 you know all hell is going to break loose and no good will come of it, unless of course you get the 10K. But the price you and your kids might have to pay may not be worth it.

How about a compromise. Explain to your ex husband what has happened, and that as a result of this you now discover he has underpaid you $10K. Tell him that you would like him to now is start paying for the 52 weeks a year as per the court order.

It is your decision to make, only you know his circumstances and how he will react.

mama_althea's picture

I know...if I look at it as the smaller amount per year, it doesn't seem worth mentioning. He's not all that nice where money is concerned.

PolkaDotHedghog's picture

oh she would definatley be after it! TBH I'm surprised she's never come round and tried to hold BF up by his ankles to get the loose change that falls out of his pockets!

luchay's picture

My first ex husband was "not nice" (lol - understatement)

When he got his first letter from the CSA requesting he pay a measly $9 a week (this was in 1993) he had a fit, he unfortunately had my girls that night - he left a message on my answering machine abusing the hell out of me, and threatening my kids.

When I got to his house he had them in the bath and his shotgun in the corner which he proceeded to hold against my then 15 month olds head and make threats about how if I ever did anything like that again he would end us all.

Needless to say I never filed for divorce as I didn't want to aggravate him and had no need for the paperwork IYKWIM, and 8 years later when he had moved on and wanted one so he could remarry - he had the nerve to tell me I had to apply as it would be cheaper. I ignored him, I didn't NEED it LOL. So he had to do it and pay for it.

I never queried or said a word about child support in all the years between (dd's are now 22 and 20) - he agency collected or not, for about 14 years he worked cash and odd jobs so he didn't have to pay - after a while they just kept a tally of what he owed and if and when he was due a tax return they would give it over to me.

When younger dd was 14 he joined the police force (OMFG - thank god I lived 3000 km's away) and had to pay tax and be an upstanding citizen. And the CSA went for him big time. I started receiving child support every month, back paid child support, oh it was so much fun for the 4 years it lasted LOL

BM? She would freaking go for it. yes with the psychotexts and probably threats of sending OH to jail etc as well. Also she would let the kids know that he doesn't support them because he is too busy paying for his new family etc now.