Will this be good/bad when it comes time for a CS lowerage?
My dh plans to go for a CS lowerage at the end/beginning of the year because his income has reduced since the last CS order was put in place.
However, the issue is this. His son has been cancelling his visits with dh since April for various reasons. My dh does/will not force his S12 to come on said visits either. DH has spoken to skid a few times about him not wanting to come over and he just gives DH his reasons. At this point DH is just whatever about it. If he comes he comes, if not oh well. I have been documenting all of this since the end of last year just in case it will come in handy in court.
My question to you all is; Has anyone gone thru this & could this affect DH getting a lowerage and could DH have to pay more if skid chooses not to come on his visits and DH doesn't make him come?
I know that BM will go apeshit about potentially losing her "upkeep" money and I am sure all the guns will come out then but I want to have some sense of what we are getting into before we walk into the snake pit.
I work in the CT court system
I work in the CT court system and there are child support guidelines that 99% of people have to follow (BM to ss11 excluded - the greasy pig must be banging her lawyer lol!!!)
What state are you in? Because here; the guidelines list your expenses and use a percentage of your pay - there really are no factors of visitation/non-visitation, etc.
We live in MA - Their CS
We live in MA - Their CS guidelines are pretty much geared toward the 2/3 to 1/3 parenting time ratio (so it stated). So that is why I am nervous for my dh. I just don't want him having to pay MORE simply because his son chooses to stay home and not want to come on his visits. kwim?
It is very possible DH would
It is very possible DH would have to pay more CS since he is getting SS less.
However, it could be offset by his reduction in income. I'd use your state CS calculator to see what the amount could be.
I know when my then BF went for a reduction in CS because his income had decreased, the judge reduced it, but not as much as it should have been. The judge's explanation was that the child had been used to getting so much CS for so long he did not want the child to suffer.
"The judge's explanation was
"The judge's explanation was that the child had been used to getting so much CS for so long he did not want the child to suffer."
:sick: That is ridiculous imho..b/c God forbid bm helps raise the kid with her money too....it's not the child it's most often the BM that gets "used to" getting so much money (that is definitely the case with my dh's ex)...I know there are alot of good BMs out there but I would venture to guess there are just as many if not more BMs that use the CS for themselves more than the kids. Again, imho.
I agree. It's the whole
I agree. It's the whole stupid "status quo" argument that family court relies on because judges are sometimes too dumb to figure things out.
Where I live, the
Where I live, the modification papers specifically ask how many nights the kid has stayed over in the previous year. They do account for expenses during visitation and it can affect CS. Check your state CS guidelines.
here is how the court will
here is how the court will look at this.
for 7 months your dh has done nothing in regards to filing with the court about the fact that his son is refusing to come. he has done nothing through the courts to recitfy it. at this point he is 12 his mother is not pushing for the court ordered time and neither is your husband.
the new schedule you have followed with him not coming will not serve as his status que schedule and will be rewritten that way. and when it is your dh child support will go through the roof.
and while i am at it let me address the piss poor attitude of alot of SMs on this board it is not just aimed at you so please dont take it personally.
why is it anytime a mother recieves child support does her life go under a microscope? oh she has her nails done, she has a new pair of genes, oh she went away for the weekend, oh she got a hair cut. ya know just because i get child support doesnt mean i am not allowed to live.
as long as that child is feb, clothing on his back, a roof over his head, electricity, internet, shoes on his feet. transportation to what he needs to get to, you can not clain childsupport is for her upkeep. it is a petty statement to make because i can assure you what ever your child support is is still isnt enough to cover all the cash that is handed to that child, i just spent 40 bucks on the two girls for school pictures, and got two sets of papers for trips each one for 35 bucks. so there goes over 1/2 of my upkeep money.
if he isnt taking them and she has filed to modify the schedule do not file to lower his support. you will screw yourself
Oh I know, I say it is her
Oh I know, I say it is her "upkeep" money because BM's mother told my DH to his face that BM uses the CS money she gets on herself, along with the money she gets from the Govt, her other BD's etc.
DH was also told that skid gets BM's oldest sons hand me downs usually, which also explains why whenever I have seen him his clothing is so big on him. I am not claiming she doesn't take care of him with the roof, food, etc but she definitely personally fares very well for an on/off/under employed mother of 5, and 920.00 a month would definitely help in that department. imho.
I can answer this for you. In
I can answer this for you. In our case, BM gets almost 200.00 a WEEK for SD13. PLUS she has TWO jobs, gets FA for SD13s tuition and lives in housing where she pays like practically no rent.
Last weekend, SD13 said to me "UFR, I need underwear." I said "What do you mean?" She said "I don't have any panties." I said "You have plenty of panties here, go look in your drawer." She says "Oh I know I have underwear HERE, I don't have any at home. I told mom I needed some and she told me she didn't have any money."
So I logged on and saw that BM had received her CS 2 days ago. I showed it to SD. SD said "I know she got the money from Dad, but she told me that was to buy her birthday cake for her party."
Now...Here is a 41 year old woman, throwing herself a birthday party and telling her DAUGHTER that she has to buy a cake and has no money for her panties.
3 weeks ago, I bought SD13 a bookbag for school, 5 tops and 3 bottoms for her school uniform and sneakers for gym, because BM said she didn't have any money.
So yes...in OUR case, BM uses OUR money to fund HER life and lets her kid do without.
I am a BM and a SM. I don't
I am a BM and a SM. I don't receive CS for DS3. Sperm donor didn't want to be a dad, and I didn't feel that it would benefit DS3 in any way to hold sperm donor to child support. He's gone, and I don't have to explain to my son why his "dad" comes in and out of his life. This was my choice, and I don't regret it at all.
BM tries to get every penny she can out of us. She doesn't work, and she constantly whines that we don't give her enough money. We're barely getting by right now. BM just bought a $40k vehicle, had a pool put in, and remodeled her house, but OSD went without shoes for three weeks this summer. Flip flops cost less than $5! There have been other incidents, too. Please tell me how we don't have the right to complain about this. A child went without shoes, but BM got a nice car, pool, and remodeled house. How is that ok?
It's definitely NOT ok! And
It's definitely NOT ok!
And I HATE it to no end that my mans hard earned money, that I wish was coming into OUR household in the first place, but that is supposed to be for skid (which I personally feel is too much, I get 500 a month and make it work, but that is b/c I actually work and also pay for my son too unlike many douchebag BMs) has to support some lazy bitch who just cares about herself and keeping up appearances than using the money for its intended purpose!!! Grrr!!!
If I remember correctly when
If I remember correctly when my Ex and I went for CS, since I had custody that is what CS was based off of. It wasn't by how many nights I had BS compared to how many nights Ex had BS. CS wasn't based off visitation because then it's looked at as "pay for play". (for lack of better words)
However Ex and I were never married, so I dont know if that makes a difference.
Tasha- didnt you say you
Tasha- didnt you say you would rather your DH pay more in CS then have SS around more? Maybe this is one of those you thought you wanted it, until you got it.
I get what you both are
I get what you both are saying and yes that is true. I just wanted to know if in fact that factor would affect the CS or not since dh's income has DEcreased...thx.