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Why would birth mom do this?

megpennysil's picture

Birth mom was married to my bf for over five years and never listed her relationship status all the while they were together. Now she is engaged to a man she has only known for two months long distance and not only declared her relationship status with him on Facebook but also made it public for everyone to see. My bro was very hurt and confused by this intiallty but I explained to him not to read too much into it because she's crazy. Why would someone do that? Also not that it matters but her new "stud" is unattractive and looks like he could use a good shower and is possibly a drug user.

relationshipguru's picture

Because she is crazy, enjoys revenge or both. My advice is to block her on Facebook or deactivate your account for awhile so you don't have to see her drama. It is too bad they share a child otherwise he could make a clean break from crazy for good.

susanm's picture

I would be more concerned about the fact that he cares at all.  He is hurt about her Facebook status with a new guy being different than it was with him?  Really?  If you were looking at an ex's Facebook and upset about their status, what would that mean?  That you still had unresolved feelings for them, right?

megpennysil's picture

Actually he doesn't care. His sister was the one who noticed it and showed it to me not him. His sister was probably bored and snooping (a lot of us are bored now). I don't care other than to gage how crazy she really is because the guy she is with now looks like a substance abuser.

Livingoutloud's picture

"My bro was very hurt and confused". Who is bro? If you meant your BF you did say he is very hurt and confused, what do you mean "he doesn't care"? If he doesn't care he'd not be very hurt by it 

hereiam's picture

Why on Earth would he be hurt that she is declaring her new relationship, whatever it is? Why would he care? Unless he still cares about her.

hereiam's picture

My bro was very hurt and confused by this

Well, someone was hurt and I assumed she meant BF and not bro because why would her bro be hurt?

megpennysil's picture

I thought he seemed hurt and confused after she mentioned it to him.  He doesn't give a flip about her but his family is always reminding us of her antics. The post was a question as to wether or not she was probably cheating on him or she was just generally always not respectful of him and if this new guy should really be getting to know their daughter already.

hereiam's picture

Well, she obviously was not proud to be married to him or didn't want people to know she was married, or something. I would say that she did not respect the relationship, don't know if that means she was actually cheating or not.

Unfortunately, your BF has no say on who BM introduces the daughter to, or when, unless that was actually in the divorce decree.

Livingoutloud's picture

No ways to know if she was cheating. Her marriage possibly wasn't a good one so she never wanted to share with people. If he doesn't want his family to share this stuff with him, he should tell them 

lieutenant_dad's picture

"My bro was very hurt and confused by this intiallty..."

Direct quote from OP. I assume "bro" is a typo as I'd find it more strange for her brother to be hurt by something her BF's XW did.

markwvualum's picture

Block bm from social media and tell his family you don't want to hear about her drama or the loser she's now in a relationship with. Everyone on here calm down. No need to bully new members. If you don't like what they post simply don't answer. It is that easy.

lieutenant_dad's picture

I can understand being hurt by this. When my XH posted pictures of him and his new wife on social media (other people told me this, I'm assuming because they thought I'd find out and didn't want me to be surprised?), and even when he got engaged, it stung. Not because I was hung up on him, but because of themes in our relationship where he wouldn't share pictures of us, hid me and his marriage from some people he worked with purposefully, and told me he wished he dated more befote getting married (I was his first GF, his new wife was his 2nd). It was a gut punch that I wasn't good enough when I was in her shoes.

BUT, then I quickly remembered that he didn't do those things to hurt me, or to be crazy. My hope is that he learned something from being married to me and he's trying to be better (and not the abusive a$$hat that he was). 

Could BM be crazy and purposefully be sharing those pictures and statuses? Sure. But she may also just be in a different headspace now and is living her life how she wants to live it. You can't dwell on it or keep wondering why. She has done it, and so it's done. Now time to move forward and realize it's not about anyone but her.

markwvualum's picture

Great post. I was going to say it hurt when my ex did this even though I don't regret leaving her. 

Rags's picture

Why would anyone care?  Particularly the one who blessedly escaped from the shitshow that the X represents.

Iamwoman's picture

We can only speculate and share our own perspectives here.

My DH is proud to be married to me and shares lots of photos of us/me on his FB page.He was embarrassed of Maggot Queen throughout their marriage, and only shared a photo of her here and there when she forced him into it by pestering him about it. He loves/is in love with me. He never really loved her, but simply settled for her due to his own low self-esteem and her pressuring him for marriage.

It could be as simple as that. 
Your DH shouldn't take it personally. Love can't be forced.

On the other hand, the BM May very well be a crazy person and is simply trying to make your BF jealous.

Either way, whether she is crazy/manipulative, or she didn't love or wasn't proud to be with your BF, and is proud of this new guy, Your BF's réaction should be the same:

Block her account and don't react.

Nobody should allow someone else's opinion affect them this much. Other people's opinions/words/actions are usually more a reflection of themselves than of their target.

tog redux's picture

Me too.

OP, if it's your BF - my biggest concern would be that he's hurt and confused by ANYTHING that BM does. That implies he still has a level of emotional investment that he shouldn't have. 

Livingoutloud's picture

I didn't read the whole thread but why is your BF upset about BM being engaged and changing her relationships status? Is he not over her? I'd be upset with him that he cares so much about BMs personal life and would have to re-evaluate my relationship 

now I've read more explanations and agree with others. Block them all and don't worry about BM. Your BF should only worry if it concerns his child, other than that time to tell his meddling drama causing family off.