If he doesn't feel compelled to get the test done himself, I really don't see a way you can get him to take it. What I mean is, you could insist he take it but you open yourself up to accusations of not liking or wanting it. If the child is his, in the back of his mind he may always consider how you wished the child wasn't his. If he's such a wonderful man, you may have to wait until if and when he feels the urge to take the test for his own reasons. You also should be prepared he may not ever want to know the truth. The next time HE brings up the child may not be his, you could strongly suggest he order the test right then and there. Even though you're dying to know the truth, I wouldn't keep bringing the subject up.

"There comes a time when you have to surrender the idea of what your children could be to the reality of who they are."

My DH has major doubts of ss being his (ex wife was his girlfriend at the time ss was conceived but was also apparently sleeping with her ex) but he won't get a test and I've never asked him to. There have been times where I wanted to know for sure, but what is that going to do? I have thought about sneaking behind his back, but if it came back that ss wasn't his, would I be able to live with that secret? I surely wouldn't be able to tell DH that I snuck and did it behind his back. In my case, SS9 lives with us because my DH has sole custody. If DH did get the test and it came back that ss wasn't his, it would ruin both of thier lives. As many problems as I've had with ss9, I wouldn't want to do that to him. And I also wouldn't want to push DH into doing something that might break his heart.

"If I turn into another, Dig me up from under what is covering the better part of me" -Incubus

We had a situation where due to his divorce, DH had to get a DNA test done on SS then age 13. DH had suspected SS wasn't his for a long time, but he never did anything about it. The DNA results proved DH was not the bio father (I would have sworn he was because SS looked just like him). The test caused some really major problems within the family. Even though SS wasn't DH's bio son, DH still treated him as if he was until BM decided to wreak havoc on the whole family. She now refuses to let SS visit with DH's parents, SS's half sisters or DH. SS is extremely immature for his age, he'll be 16 in Feb but acts like he's about 9. DH wanted to break the news to SS in a calm, loving manner, letting him know it didn't change his feelings towards SS and he would always be his father, but BM wouldn't hear of it - she went nuts and told the kid all sorts of stuff - it had to be very traumatic for him. BM told DH that he should have SD (then 15) tested too as she didn't belong to him either. SD (now 18) threw a fit and didn't want to get tested and DH was afraid to push it; I don't think he really wants to know but I really wish he had done the test - I know that's selfish of me, but it would explain a lot. It would not have affected how DH feels about SD18 on his part, but I don't know how SD18 would react. If I was SD18, I would want to know the truth. No matter the circumstances, DNA testing can really screw up peoples lives.

Damn, I wish the SD's weren't DH's. A girl can dream!!!!! Actually, DH wishes that he had reproduced with someone else instead of BM...he just told me that last night...he hates that woman with a passion for cheating and destroying his family!

**Love me or hate me, I'm still gonna shine!!**

I would be indifferent. I mean it is what it is..if I found out my sk's where not my DH...then I would be lying if I said I was not relieved or happy.

" Faith is a bird that feels dawn breaking and sings while it's still dark"-R.Tagore

You need to leave it alone or you will be the one he resents. He will take the test when or if he even wants to know. If he is content on raising the child as his own even with the possibility of it not being his then I think he should be commended. It doesn’t take a womb to be a mother just like it doesn’t take a sperm to be a father.

Let it go. It does not matter what the results of the DNA are he is the father of the child in every way that matters. It's not your business to get involved in something that is none of your concern. If you cant care about the child because of his biological heritage you are going to have a major problem.

Let me throw this in for you think on.... several years back perfectson's SM put the notion into EH's head that perhaps perfectson wasn't my EH's kid. Well EH actually snuck perfectson off and did a DNA test on him to be sure. Perfectson is the one who told me about it. The damage it did to their relationship was unbelievable. Perfectson now has always questioned, well what if he wasn't his bioson, what would EH have done then? Walked away after 10 years in his life? Why did it even matter after that time?

What if I had been given the wrong baby at the hospital? It happens you know. After I had loved that child and raised that child as mine, it wouldn't matter to me one way or the other if I found out perfectson wasn't my own bioson.

I would sit down with him and suggest he does do the test. Because you want a future with him, if this child is not his and he is not legally obligated to support him and you guys have children, why should your children get less than him. Sorry that is how i feel. If it wasn't my So child, i would tellhim , you can support him if you want but at least you wotn be forced to! There is a difference between forced support and honestly wanting to do that. And if you gusy love the child and you want him in your life , then it shouldn't matter of the test. But if there is doubt, i think its best to honestly find out, and then make a decision whether to continue support for him or not. And to honestly openly know what the future holds for all of you.
You can't force him to take the test, but if he has doubts , tell him its better if he does so the answer is solid. Just cause he may not be his child, doesnt' change the fact , that he can continue to support and love this child as his own. Nothign wrong there.

There are many people on this forum that know their H is not the father of the child, but their H is paying CS. The judge did not simply let them off the hook because a party that is not the mom or dad decided they wanted to know where the kd came from. If you find out that he is not a bio will that breed more contempt for the child?

I think it's too late at this point. DH had a blood test (not a full-blown DNA test) done on SD16 when she was still in the hospital before he legally accepted her as his child. So no DNA test, so I could wonder if she was REALLY DH's child, but they have the same toes (not much, I know). It wouldn't matter to DH at this point if she was NOT his, he raised her. He's bonded. Funny, the thing that would make me think she is not DH's kid is how dark her skin is (almost black). Like one time she was wearing a long black shirt and her legs were ALMOST the same color as the shirt. DH is caucasian and American Indian, so he's fairly pale but with a reddish tint. BM is Mexican and American Indian, but she also does not have particularly dark skin. My only explanation is that SD16 got ALL the genes (Mexican and American Indian) for dark skin from BOTH her parents.

My sister just told her son (8 yrs old) that daddy (her husband) is "not the daddy that put you in my belly, but he is your daddy because he loves and cares for you". Difference is her and her husband both knew from the beginning that he is not the bio father, but they started dating when she was pregnant and he has been daddy from day one. My newphew basically said "okay!", he had a few questions which she answered and he was fine. She thought it was important to tell him young so that its just a fact of his life, not some big secret to tell later on. In cases like yours, your DH doesn't even know for sure. If he did the test, would he want to tell the child the truth, so when he's older he can find his bio dad? Is he considered about medical history? Or would he never tell him and is just curious? My stepbrother is "daddy" to his stepdaughter, who is 11, and still hasn't told her he's not her bio dad. He is taking the route of waiting until she's older. I am interested to see whose situation turns out better, my sister's or stepbrother's. My DH isn't SS's bio dad either, he is 12, and hasn't told him the truth yet either. DH and I did the test almost 2 years ago with SS's toothbrush (we didn't want him to know we were doing it). We already knew it was mathematically extremely unlikely he was the dad, but the test laid the question to rest once and for all. He goes back and forth between telling SS very soon and waiting until he's an adult, or never at all. I leave it alone, I don't want to be the one responsible for that decision. Its tough stuff. Either way, you'll still have to pay support and everything else that goes along with raising a child, because he is the legal father. So many people use the idea of not having to pay support anymore as their motivation for finding out, and its NOT TRUE! So if that thought crossed your mind, erase it! I already knew that fact before we did the test, but its still a hard pill to swallow. Good luck

"I child proofed my whole house, but they STILL get in!"

Common sense makes it seem like he is not in any burning hurry to find out. Even though this is something people should know, at least for medical reasons, maybe it just doesn't matter to him because either way at the end of the day, they are father and child. He accepts his child even in the midst of doubt so you need to accept it to be that way as well.

Wanting to separate them can only cause resentment. And why punish a child who's done nothing wrong?

Men usually go after things they want. And it doesn't seem like he's putting too much effort into finding out the paternity. He mentions it in passing and has not done anything yet. And for all intents and purposes, they are father and child and pushing them to take a paternity test will change nothing.

And anyway, how would you be able to react to the news regardless of what it is? It just looks like you are looking for an excuse to not be in a blended family situation. Accept him and his life the way it is.