To visit my stepmother...or not
I am posting from a different perspective tonight. and hoping to get some advice. I have a stepmother who has been in My life almost 30 years, since I was 12. She is a challenging person, very opinionated and quick to assume the worst about people. She did try her best with me, but I always found her intimidating. I got pregnant at 21 with my son, and she was very angry about it. When he was born, she did a 180 and loved him, but it was more of a distant kind of love. We had a falling out when my son was about 5 because I told my dad i was hurt that they did not show more interest in my son. We eventually got back on ok terms but there is distance. They rarely called or asked us over, or still showed much interest in my boy, and I stopped putting in much effort with them. I was a single mom, and my son was pretty much my life. After DH and I got married, we started having them over for Christmas dinner, never on the holiday because they worked swing shifts as in was growing up so we were used to celebrating on a different day. Some years that was just about the only time we saw them. The Christmas before last, DH and I were having some issues, our kids had a lot of activities going on, and time got away from me. I sent my dad a message the week before Christmas and let him know that, and that we wanted to get together in January if that was ok. It was not ok apparently, bc my SM called DH the next morning, going off about me and what a selfish person I was. He told her she needed to take it up with me. She said she was done with me and that she would drop the kids'gifts off at his work the next day. When she came, she stood in his parking lot and cried about how he needed to watch his back because I am not a nice person, along with some other nasty things. He actually cried telling me about it bc he did not want to be in that position. She and I have had our ups and downs, but for the most part, I have got along with her. I have never done anything to intentionally hurt her, but now from a step Mom point of view I can see how she may have taken some things. I know the role is not easy. But I feel like she crossed a line by going to my husband not once, but twice, and saying bad things about me. If she had said them to me I could get past it, but this felt like she was trying to hurt my marriage. We have not spoken about it, but we have seen each other a couple times since then at family gatherings and been cordial. Now my dad is inviting my family over for a cookout. I do not feel comfortable going. DH doesn't either but thinks we should go for my dad. I am really struggling with what to do. I love my dad, and i do love her, but I don't trust her. I have a hard time feeling ok about hanging out with someone I don't trust, but is it better to just go rather than create more conflict?