PAS successful with SD17. Need advice please
I don't even know how to start this. It has been such a tough go of things. But this week was the culmination of it all. Like many of us on here, the BM is a real piece of work. Very high conflict, filled with bitterness and hatred toward my DH, and then consequently me - only because I married him (she got remarried before my DH and I were dating so I would have thought she moved on, but omg the bitterness is unreal). It got so bad last year, I finally, got a stalking order against her. Needless to say, it was very bad.
Over the course of the last 5 years (maybe longer but I only came in the picture 5 yrs ago so I don't know what it was like before that), BM has been working her magic on alientating the kids from their father - and this past week she was finally successful with SD17. SD17 is like a mini-BM. The final event, but there have been many many events over the years, was when I was sick with the flu. DH suggested to BM the kids not come because there was active flu in the house, BM said no way - I'm sending the kids. Then DH insisted she not. She got really mad and told the kids their Dad doesn't want to see them. That he is a bad dad and doesn't care about them. etc etc. Anyway, SD17 declared she doesn't want to see her dad or communicate with him anymore. Not only that, she decided she is also not communicating with her grandmother (DH's mom) - no idea why, other than her grandmother is connected to her dad. I know this wasn't about the flu, but this was the event that made SD17 declare she hates her dad.
It is all very sad. My DH is absolutely distraught. He loves his daughter. And he is a very caring and loving dad. The email SD17 sent her dad was very strange. He showed it to me and I have never heard a kid write / talk like that. It almost sounded like she was divorcing her dad. Like I said, very strange.
So I know you all have good advice. And I am hoping you can share it. I'm distraught for my DH. I love him and hate to see him hurting. And since this is not my kid, I have very different feelings. I am angry at how terrible SD17 is being to her dad - even though she has probably been heavily infuenced by her mom, she is days away from being 18. So the way I see it, she is accountable for her actions.
How do I support my DH through this? (In no way, will I support any games SD17 wants to play. Like 'dad, I need $$ forXYZ' and then back to radio silence.)
What can I expect from SS14 - is it just a matter of time before he decides he hates his dad for no reason?
Will SD17 eventually come around and realize her mom has basically brainwashed her?
Any kind words or advice would be helpful. This has been such a hard time and I feel so torn between my heart breaking for my DH and lots of anger towards SD17.