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Time to vent....

jesslynne's picture

AAAARRRRGH!!! I can't tell if SS3's BM is just looking for more money or what???! She pitched a FIT when we refused to pay her half of her day care copay for SS3 (day care in our state is included with CS). She seemed to have let it go for a month or so then *BAM* decided to snap at us for not keep SS through Monday on our weekends with him. Fact: The custody agreement does not have a set schedule for SS to stay with DH. Simply states SS will be granted periodic visits at reasonable times with prior notice. The *oral* agreement between DH and BM has always been EVERY OTHER WEEKEND- SATURDAY/SUNDAY. We have kept him an extra night into Monday on occasion when our schedules allow it, but have NEVER agreed to do this on a consistent basis.

She texts my DH, says if we can't manage to take care of SS on the days we are scheduled to do so, then we need to figure out how to handle child care on those days since we refuse to pay for half of day care.

*GUH WHAT???* Mondays were NEVER a part of this deal. Period. The only reason *I* ever agreed to keep him overnight Sundays into mondays the few times we did was to help HER out!!! DH works Mon mornings so it's not like he got to spend any extra time with SS when we did offer to do this. It was for HER benefit, and MONTHS before she ever got him enrolled into day care to begin with!!! We haven't kept SS on a Monday in over two months!

GRRRRRRRRR!!!!!

Okay, seriously I just needed to vent a bit. I know so many people have much worse situations (and BM's) than mine.... BM just KEEPS trying to intertwine physical placement and financial support when discussing matters of SS with us. That doesn't fly with the state, and it doesn't fly with ME. According to the CO, disagreements on physical placement do not affect BM's CS, and disagreements on CS do not affect DH's physical placement. Period. Done. This woman is trying to tell us that because we refuse to pay EXTRA money on top of what is already paid, we have to take off of work an extra day in order to make it so she doesn't have to pay that day's day care costs.

Ohhhh boy. Okay. No real questions or advice is being sought out here, I just really needed to vent a bit. But you know I love to hear everyone else's thoughts Smile

ltanya's picture

I am an SM and a BM - and I can tell you I've never once asked for an increase in support or anything else. In fact, I even lowered it. But from what I see, it seems a lot of BM's are gold diggers - at least every one I've met.

planningMyEscape's picture

I don't understand why so many BMs EXPECT money ON TOP OF CS? There is a court-order for a reason!! If the parent that pays CS agrees to buy things on top of the CS, then that is one thing, but I am amazed by the number of BMs who demand it!! Stupid!! Sorry she is being such a pain!!!

Auteur's picture

The Behemoth got around this by having court ordered CS above and beyond the standard to include such things as:

1. non-existent daycare
2. sky diving lessons
3. football sign up and equipment costs

That didn't stop her from sending the skids in ill fitting rags and telling us to buy gifts for b-day parties they *had* to attend.

jesslynne's picture

UGGGGH just got another message via *facebook* from BM - now she wants us to keep him 25% of the time. Now I'm not saying I wouldn't love to have SS more- I love that boy to death and would love to keep him full time if she wanted that- but we cannot afford to pay her CS and take extra days off of work every month and pay for caring for SS on those extra days - his income (and mine for that matter, even though mine isn't considered by my state) is simply too low. We are barely scraping by!

In my state, 25% is a standard shared-placement amount in the custody/CS laws, and I just did the math - if we made the 25% a part of the CO, our share of CS would go down a significant enough amount to offset the loss of money from not working those days.

What do you think???