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Summer Visitation

frostedminiwheats's picture

Hello there, I am looking for some perspective regarding summer visitation schedules --

So my situation is that I have an elementary-age SD who lives with us on the weekends (weekdays at her mom’s) currently. Long story short, it’s been a bit of an emotional roller coaster these past few years that I have been in her life. Overall, she is not a bad kid or anything. But when she is over, my stress level shoots up and often get in petty arguments with my husband. Most of my negative feelings likely stem from jealousy/resentment that I am currently trying to work through with therapy.

In any case, we will be moving to another state due to work issues and our visitation schedule will be changing to where we will have her during the summers (2.5 - 3 months at a time) instead. I wanted to get some perspective on how that’s like for those of you stepmoms who experience a similar visitation schedule. I predict my day-to-day will be a lot less stressful during the 9 months of the year when she’s with her mom, but how is like having your stepchild live with you for the entire summer? And how does that compare to weekend visitation schedules, for those of you who have experienced both?

Obviously, I’m looking for input from stepmoms who have had more or less of an emotionally complicated relationship with their stepchild(ren). I’m sure this wouldn’t even be an issue if I felt differently about her living with us.

Thanks in advance!

1st3rd5thWEInHell's picture

Currently, the court order states that SS15 and SS12 will have summer visitation from 7/1 to 7/31...I absolutely hate it and dread it. Last year SS15 threw a fit and left 10 days in the summer, SS12 ended up following  a week later. They hate it here because "its not fun" but when i was making them do activities they would fight me and they ended up throwing a fit for that reason. They just wanted to spend the entire summer in the living room while i cook and clean after them....

I am dreading the summer as I WFH but I will probably plan a vacay or go to the office to avoid them at all costs....

In TX, the childrens summer visitation is 47days when they live over 100miles away. If your visitation is 47 days (from the day school ends until 7/31), i recommend to take a vacay and try to never be home. There is nothing else u can do to remedy this....


I am very afraid and look at the calendar constantly. I wont be able to survive another summer with them or their dad

frostedminiwheats's picture

Oh boy that does sound terrible. But hey...they only ended up staying for a few weeks right? I would trade that for 3 months!!! Do you have them during any other parts of the year?

1st3rd5thWEInHell's picture

Yes 1st/3rd/5th weekend of every month + spring break on even years + thanksgiving on odd years + half of winter break (xmas) on even years + other half of winter break (new year) on odd years

In addition summer visitation does not change anything to child support payment....BM receives child support whether they are visiting or not....

You seem to have a better arrangement....

If we were living 100miles + away from them, they would only come over for 1 weekend per month, it would be perfect

In any case, the court ordered visitation should highlight how long summer visitation is supposed to last depending on how far away you live from the kids

Thumper's picture

Doesnt BM want to spend any summer time with her child?

You wrote:In any case, we will be moving to another state due to work issues and our visitation schedule will be changing to where we will have her during the summers (2.5 - 3 months at a time) instead.

*Op how far away?

I would tell dh...nope, split summer. DH has first 4 weeks of summer. 

Generally speaking a summer break is 10weeks. So, first 1/2 you, second 1/2 mom. ---

But FIRST: I would find the answer to the following question before 'agreeing" to BM's kid free summer. Will BM continue to recieve the full child support amount while the child is NOT in her care for 2 1/2 to 3 months?









frostedminiwheats's picture

We don't really have formalized child support payments-- we basically just split her school tuition (she attends private school) between us and BM. I don't anticipate anything will change after the move. Child support is not a concern for me.

We will be moving several states away which means that summer will likely be the only time SD will be able to spend with us. So I'm sure DH will want to maximize that time and BM will likely be compliant even though she would probably want to spend more time with SD.

BM has no idea how I feel about SD. Only DH knows. If BM found out, I'm sure she would try to keep SD away from us (which would probably work out great for me).

I did not know that kids usually split their summers between mom and dad? But does that apply to long-distance situations where the noncustodial parent doesn't see the kid at all during the school year?

ESMOD's picture

I'm not sure what your situation is re work.. but if it is a worry what to do with her "all day".. it might be good to look into some day camps locally.  Nothing preventing dad from sending her to a sleepover camp for a week either during his time.  Yes.. she is supposed to spend quality time with him.. but she is a kid.. 24/7 parental contact is not necessary.. and in fact would probably become boring to her.

She will probably need/want some peers to "play" with.. so trying to get her into some activities that will give her some social outlets would be a good idea too.

Planning is key too.  Setting expectations on who will be the one "looking after her".. does DH work?  do you?  she will need to be in activities during your workdays.. Dad can also pick up most of the care and feeding outside his work hours too.  

Family trips are fine.. but also.. sending them off for a weekend or two during the 3 months might give you a nice relaxing weekend

plan on ways you can grab some me time.. excercise.. hobbies etc..