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Stepchild entitlement

lorlors's picture

I am gobsmacked. SD15’s birthday is coming up soon. She already owns a MacBook Air laptop but last night said she needed a Windows laptop for her ‘art work’. Granted, she is very good at art. DH said he would think about it and asked her to show him what exactly it was she was after. She showed him what she wanted online and it was $2000. Yes, $2000!!!!

Any suggestions for how to deal with such entitlement? She must think we are made of money. Not even like she needs a laptop, she already has one!

My budget was around $200 for her birthday. How awkward, when what she has in mind has an extra zero on the end.

fairyo's picture

There is such a word as no- kids need to learn the meaning of it. My children did, they had to learn from an early age that life doesn't always give you want you want, and neither do parents. However, DH doesn't really follow that thinking either- he just gets his kids what they want, even though they are now adults. I know which option I prefer. Can't give any advice except the sooner you start the no word the better it will be.

georgina29's picture

wow! 2 grand seems very excessive. lol. Im sure there are ways to get art projects done without buying an entire new computer. Get with the teacher and see what they say. If teacher says its not necessary and your husband buys it anyway he's coddling and spoiling her and the blame is on your husband for believing the lie in the first place.

Redin's picture

Ugh! I remember when my skids were greedy like that. They wanted Chuck E Cheese parties and expensive gifts and dh was willing to ablidge until he realized they were using him and he was being a disney dad. 200 for party and then game systems is asking to much in my opinion. Prayfully dh saw how greedy they were and cut down their birthdays to one or the other. A 200 party or a game system. I know that some may argue if bm pays for the party it shouldn't matter but that is how step kids get so spoiled. We took into consideration what bm did for them before determining our gift. Why should skid get more then other kids was always my question.

lorlors's picture

That’s exactly my plan. I’m going to wait this out and see what BM buys her then make a call. I feel like it’s extortion. Her mother tries to spend our money and now the skid has picked up the baton.

Dontfeedthetrolls's picture

You tell her no. That's all. The only reason she's entitled is that you guys allow her to be so. If you continually get her what she asks for or apologize when you don't she continues to think she should have it. She has no need for a second laptop and most artist I know actually use apple products for art because they are better in their experience.

lorlors's picture

Dh told her a flat ‘no’ last night. Bm is too tight to go overboard with her own money so we will match whatever she throws in, which won’t be much. I don’t feel like being generous after this. Skid will get what she is given.

The ‘art’ thing is just an excuse. Trying to make it sound educational so we would buy her it. Cunning little brat.

fairyo's picture

Good- common sense wins out! BM is too tight? Maybe she's just more sensible? The art thing was always an excuse- did Picasso have lap-top? tell her.

sunshinex's picture

I don't know... My skid is pretty entitled at 6 years old through no fault of my husband's. We're actually pretty careful not to spoil her. and BM doesn't have much money, but between us, BM, my family, DH's family, BM's family, etc. she tends to get a lot for birthdays and holidays. We've actually decided to tone down what we give her, which sucks but it's easier than asking all of our family to tone it down. Nobody wants to lessen what they do simply because others are doing things. The kid just has tons of people in her life so she gets a lot of material objects.

tigerlily74's picture

@lorlors: From a different perspective...

I work in a creative industry. In all the companies I've worked for, everybody is ALWAYS angling to buy a Mac because it has more creative capabilities, has far superior resolution, and is considered way cooler than its Windows counterparts. So, I don't buy the need for a Windows laptop for "art work". I think she's scamming both of you.

Meanwhile, buying a $2K birthday present is setting a dangerous precedent for future birthdays. What's she going to demand for her Sweet 16? My SD31 is a spoiled, entitled brat who was conditioned from permissive parenting. Don't make the same mistake!

lorlors's picture

Bm is only tight now because the skids live with us and therefore she doesn’t get child support. Prior to that, she bought everything their little hearts desired with mine and Dh’s money.

Point taken though and I totally agree. It is the parents that make these monsters.

Acratopotes's picture

your SD has the right to ask for that, but you and DH have the right to laugh and say NO.....

I would not even stress about things like these, dang when I had my birthday last year SO asked me what do I want, I told him what I wanted, it's a fine rose cold bangle and the only reason I never bought it for myself is simply because it's to expensive... lol think 1800 USD....
SO almost had a heart attack and I did not get it either....

Steptococci's picture

It sounds like a great Medical or Dental School graduation present to me. She can work on her art hobby between patients.

Yeah, um, no.

Also, it's called a job. Get one and earn your own sh*t, kid.

secret's picture

For my youngest, I would spend it, but I wouldn't spend it on the other two.

It's not because I favor her, but rather because I can see the potential in her, for that.

She's very good. I'm not blowing smoke up her butt - she's ACTUALLY good, and I would consider it a profitable investment.

This is something she drew about 6 months ago. She turned 12 in October.

http://imgur.com/WWEWMu3

I would, however, expect it to be treated as equipment, and not as a toy - and I would expect her to put 100% of herself into the correlating education towards it. A "contract", if you will. I would expect her to use it appropriately, and be serious about it - and would make sure she understood that if she did not use it as intended, it would be sold & replaced with something more age/maturity/intention appropriate, monetary value of which would not be the same.

SAFjh's picture

Yeah I live with an entitled bratty SS. He will ask for thousands of dollars worth of things for Christmas and birthdays as well as just asking for random expensive things on any given day of the week because he decided he wants them. What gets me is that my SO has never explained to him that he doesn't come from a wealthy family. Instead she has gone into debt making him happy. It sucks to watch! I don't know how he doesn't realize we are not wealthy, other than I guess my SO has made so many of these things happen that now he doesn't believe her when she tells him she can't afford this or that...or can't afford to give him the $20-$40 dollars a day that he asks for to go hang out with friends(it's probably for weed or other drugs but that's another story).
Anyhow, I agree with all the posters that said you just say no. Stand your ground when the tantrum occurs. Actions speak louder than words but I also suggest DH has a conversation with her about how you guys are not made of money and perhaps tell her it's time to start earning her own money somehow and paying for her own things to teach her the value of a dollar.

lorlors's picture

i am floating the idea to DH tonight that for her birthday we should make a donation to an animal charity in her name. That'll teach her for being so disgustingly greedy.