Thoughts on Robert De Niro's new baby.
Wow, selfish much? He's SEVENTY-NINE! As someone who had an older father (dad was sixty-five, mom thirty-two when I was born), I'm just disgusted by this and how the media is pretending this is a good thing.
I won't go into the litany of negative experiences I had and things I missed out on, but I pity that baby. Yes, she'll presumably have money, but she'll also have to experience the trauma of losing a parent at a tender age. That leaves an indelible mark.
Two incredibly selfish people who clearly have their own issues have decided this baby doesn't get to have her father attend her high school or college graduations; she doesn't get to have her father walk her down the aisle; and will never get to enjoy any grandparents. The entitlement just has me gobsmacked.
Thoughts?
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I agree with you completely
It's incredible selfish. The mom chose money over a father for her child if you ask me.
It's not even his first child
It's not even his first child! Tony Randall did the same. Who in their right mind has a child knowing it will be raised by others? Mom will have a nice chunk of money. I guess I had my kids for all the wrong reasons.
Same thoughts.
He wanted a young wife. She wanted money.
Yep, this sort of thing has
Yep, this sort of thing has been going on for ages.
So is the baby mama one of
So is the baby mama one of his granddaughters friends?
They can’t control that they met one another a few
Years ago and fell in love and decided to have kids. Plenty of elderly men whether late 40s/50s etc get married late and have kids. My dad was 37 when he met my 28 yr old mum and they never had kids for 7 yrs. my mum died when i was 30 and had found out i was pregnant with our daughter.
my husband met me when he was 48 and i was almost 29. We got married just a year and a half later. My husband was previously married in his late 20s to an abusive narc. He divorced her after 16 yrs of marriage.
we have been married 8.5 yrs now with 2 kids together. My husband has said if he knew what his future was gonna be like, he'd rather stay a bachelor till his late 40s and marry me only and not have wasted 16 yrs of his life.
my dad is 85 now and i'm 38. We can't control what our parents do but complaining how selfish they are for having you at a later stage in life just seems hypocritical when there are many young kids who also lose one or both parents when minors. Also in todays world with rising cost of living, having kids young isn't always practical when you're trying o build savings.
when my husbands exwife found out he was dating me, she lost it because she'd spent aftermath of divorce playing the victim and claiming my husband would grow old and lonely and when that didn't happen she got shitty about it.
i couldn't care less if people judge us for marrying at the age we did with the age gap we have because its none of their business. Worry about your own households and marital issues before creating ones in others
When you are older and get
When you are older and get with someone younger, you have to compromise. Obviously a younger person will want to have kids and travel and do all the regular stuff that ppl in her age group do. It would be selfish of him if he was old and asked her to conform to his age group. The partner isnt 79yo so she probably wants children and a legacy with the person she married and he was probably aware of this when they went into this marriage
These are the risks of marrying with big age gaps, you can either keep up with the young partner or you can have them conform to your "elderly' lifestyle
My husband said exactly this as one of his boss was having
Marital issues and where they live can have upto 4 wives. He wanted to marry another woman in her 30s but wanted to make it a condition they don't have kids.
my husband said thats just ridiculous and he doesn't want to get involved because if you are older say late 40s or 50s etc and been maried before and had kids but that marriage ended, now you like someone much younger who does want kids, its selfish to demand there not be any kids. Having kids is a normal progression of any relationship.
there always has to be some give and take. My kids have a better relationship with their dad than his kids from exwife.
its just hypocritical here for those claiming his partner is a golddigger just because she chose to have a relationship with him and have kids. We've seen many times on st of partners close in age where the exwife is a golddigger with no shame.
i know in my husbands country in asia, there are many asian women getting shitty with their men marrying overseas caucasian women. They're shitty because they don't get to milk the man for all he's worth whilst the caucasian wife is actively building a family and future with them
I find it really strange how
I find it really strange how you keep denigrating asian women and acting as though you , a caucasian woman, are a real catch. This has been a consistent talking point for you. You clearly have a complex about it.
And yes, it is selfish that an older man has a child when he will likely pass away before the child's 18th birthday.
She sees the issue through
She sees the issue through the filter of her own culture and experiences, biases included. Admittedly, I do as well. She is one of those younger wives, while I was one of those kids.
Shamds, nothing you mentioned in your post addressed the realities kids with elderly fathers are forced to deal with. Instead of being defensive, why not try to consider the issue from the perspective of one of those kids? There's a big difference between De Niro and your husband and father anyway, so I don't get why you're so triggered by this conversation. And there's no need to be unpleasant, either.
The way i read shamds posts
The way i read shamds posts on asian women is that she has been on thr receiving end of some bullying and exclusion from her husband's ex, his kids, and maybe his extended family, too. I get that as it is hard to be an outsider as a female from outside the culture, especially when there is an ex wife from within the culture. Not being accepted into the family, you only see the worst of the culture. Shamds, correct me if i'm wrong. As shamds has said she is half asian herself, and is married to one, i don't think she hates asians.
Also, my 2 cents on Deniro is
Also, my 2 cents on Deniro is that none of these Hollywood people live what most of us consider a normal family life. That kid will be fine.
Thankyou rumplestilskin, you are 100% correct
I have been on the receiving end of bullying, abuse, slander by my husbands exwife and his daughters under her command and influence. There have been derogatory and rascist comments about our kids. A sil once said it was ok my son was dark toned because he's a boy as long as my daughter is white yet our kids are way fairer than any of my husbands family members.
a common assumption in singapore, Malaysia etc is that eurasians don't know the malay language, culture and ettiquette. That we're weak and deficient somehow. When i had given birth to my daughter, a cousin of my husbands came to visit my sil during holidays and in malay ask my sil who is this white kid and when my sil said that it was my husbands kid as he was married to me, she said what? Then mentioned my husband's name followed by dark skinned. Yeah my husband was refered to by his first name and labelled dark skinned. Then when that wasn't enough condescending derogatory enough for her, she proceeded to ask my sil how i gave birth and mentioned since i was white, definitely i would have had a csection because western women we too weak to have a vaginal birth. Those are everyday common comments we deal with as eurasian/caucasian women in asian culture.
i myself had aunts, uncles and cousins ask inappropriate things, make jokes about my upbringing, my accent speaking their language fluently or speaking fluent english. My dad was singled out when my aunts and grandfather found out mum was dating a european man. They made rascist comments about him.
i have personally been on the recieving end of the abuse and rascism. My husbands exwife called my sil calling me a half naked Christian whore because an ex coworker told her my husband was dating me. In reality she found a justification for kidnapping the 2 daughters and disappearing with them and cutting off all contact and pas for a few years.
my husbands daughters guilted my husband for marrying me and having 2 kids with me as replacing them when they chose to end contact with their dad before i even met my husband.
there are plenty of welcoming and not so narrow minded asians who welcome their kids and family members marrying europeans and caucasians or outsiders but unfortunately there is a common mindset referring to africans and negros like it's appropriate and acceptable or criticising white women marrying asian men as stealing their men and only marrying them for their money. The reality is they're angry that many men are fed up with their gold digging ways.
men don't want conflict in the home and when they've continually been on the receiving end of abuse, lies, cheating, stealing etc from women of that ethnicity, they look elsewhere as they are turned off. My husband told his own family to stop trying to hook him up with someone from his country or ethnicity. That he'd been lied to and cheated on way too many times by those women.
he told them he never wanted to marry again. I was the one woman that changed his mind. I didn't cheat, steal or lie my way in. I was honest and supportive to him. When his daughters made lies and false accusations about him and my husband was in tears, i was the one comforting him.
my kids don't discriminate against their cousins despite the varying shades of skin colour existing in our family. They know we are mixed race so from my dads side of family to my husbands side of family we have blonde hair and blue eyes to dark brown skin asian family members. They are all family to us.
Yes! This! Thank you.
It is plain racist and frankly,disgusts me and makes me feel uncomfortable. I admit to skipping every comment of this poster in case. I'm Australian. We are part of Asia. The anti Asia and Asian sentiments are just so dated. (Especially bizarre is that the racist views only apply to women.)
Stepcreaturesonly, australia is part of asian region but it
Isn't an asian country. If you aren't eurasian, or child of asian parents growing up in the west or a caucasian married to an asian, you won't understand the rascism we deal with constantly. I am not anti asian. I am half asian myself. I explain my experience which is very common.
i never said the rascist views apply to asian women only. Even in indian families some only allow to marry within indian ethnicity and its enough for you to wanna marry a eurasian for your family to disown you. My own grandfather refused to talk to my mum for days when he found out she was in love with my european dad and wanted to marry him despite him converting to their religion.
don't call me a rascist!! I have family all over the world in every continent. From asians, africans, middle east, europe and america. Our family is diverse. You might want to recheck the definition of rascist. Explaining your own experiences dealing with rascism amongst certain ethnicities of certain families doesn't make me rascist.
i just love it when someone calls others rascist despite never walking their shoes or being in their position and more than likely caucasian and probably married to one.
Shamds, i can sense the anger
Shamds, i can sense the anger in your messages. But, before the anger, i know there was hurt. Nobody marries into a family with the intention of feeling the way you do. Cross-cultural dating and marriage adds another layer of difficulty to step-situations.
I haven't had it as bad as you but i was told in the beginning that my SO's mother makes no secret that she would MUCH rather he be with someone from their country and that all the moms are that way. I was told that SO's cousin's mother cried when he dated a caucasian. I was told this before i even met his mother.
The first women i met from their country (besides superficial interactions like at a business or as a distant coworker) were BM and her mother. I expected rudeness from them and they delivered. Before meeting my SO's family, i made it a point to find out their customs so as not to offend. I made a point to help with any cleaning or other work that needed to be done at family gatherings. However, i still felt the coldness. I felt pretty much ignored at family functions. I could sit for hours in silence while the group talked and laughed. It hurt. I know part of it was that most of the conversations were in their language, but i felt it went beyond that. I questioned myself. Maybe i am an unlikeable person? The kids seemed to like me and have never treated me like your skids treat you, so at least that wasn't an issue.
Only several years later did i find out that some of his family members are part of BM's "inner circle." Some of them still do holidays and vacations with her. In the divorce, they sided with her over SO. I also found out that even among the group of people in our area that are from their country, some of SO's family is considered dysfunctional.
In the time since then, i have been lucky enough to meet family members who talked to me at parties and treated me like a person. I feel that my relationship with his mother is improving and she sees me as a person and might even approve of me (I hope.) The ones who are close with BM - i am polite but will never trust or be close with.
All that to say, yes, i sympathize with your position as i have experienced it to a lesser extent. Some of it is cultural and some of it is a HCBM situation. If a person or group of people is hell bent on excluding you or running you off, race/culture is just one more tool that can be used, and it's a sharp one.
I think racism is a disease that is passed from person to person via not just teaching from parents, but also by taking the bad treatment you recieve and paying it forward. It's hard after you've been on the receiving end not to continue the cycle. Take the example of how you've been treated as an example of what not to do. That's what i'm doing. Not to say that you have to put up with bad treatment, either. Don't take any shit but go forward with an open mind, seeing new people as individuals as opposed to part of a group that hurt you.
I’m very sorry to hear that and i had a cousin’s wife who is
Malaysian treated like an outsider and denigrated when my cousin wasn't around and disgusting comments made about them being darker skinned coloured and them being unfairly picked on.
in my case when the exwife called sil, my sil knew exwife was spewing nonsense as no way in hell would her brother be dating what exwife was claiming, she just found an angle to try get in goods graces, it did the exact opposite.
my husband brought me to meet his dad and elder sister and i also met 2 other sisters too. They basicallY dictate how the mood is in the family. If they don't like you, thats it. My sils, fil were so happy to meet me and i was very welcoming and friendly.
my sil in fact later said that alot of the nephews she cared for when younger treat her as a second mum and would always bring their serious girlfriend over and most came over with a snobby behaviour and attitude like meeting her because she lives in a remote village meant she was beneath them. She's been very vocal to others how simple and friendly a person i am and have been and its one reason my fil cried happy tears on our wedding day because he knew how much trauma my husband dealt with the exwife and how that has somewhat permanently destroyed my skids and even more so with my stepdaughters.
when its religious holidays, plenty of my nephews post how we have a very unique family because of me and our 2 kids and often my father we fly in to spend time there for a week.
my husbands eldest brother's wife is a spy for my husbands exwife. She's been in the family 30yrs and they still don't warm up to her because she was having an affair with my bil whilst he was engaged to marry another woman. That bil wife can't accept the fact i came in and my husbands family welcomed me. Its just a few comments made by some who didn't think it was a big deal but it upset my husband, i could see him being upset and afterwards would talk in private and comfort him. Sometimes its just not worth the argument. Those who make those rascist comments about us aren't likes much by the family.
as for those who spy for the exwife, well long ago we minimised contact with them especially that eldest bil and his wife. But their eldest son is very close with my husband and looks upto him for career advicevso its difficult trying to navigate that relationship
unfortunately in some cultures, you being of a different ethnicity is enough for them to judge and reject you. They don't give you a chance to get to know you.
even my dad he was the first in his family to marry a coloured woman. Before him his family married europeans only as not all moved overseas. My mother was welcomed into the family, they didn't care that she was asian or dark skinned. After my dad, i have had 2 cousins marry african girls and have kids. My uncles wife hated that she wasn't welcomed into the family and called my mum an ape and why did my dad stupidly marry an ape from asia. That didn't go down well with my cousins or aunts.
thats why when my kids asked why their half brother is a little different I explained that he has a different mummy and same daddy as them but he is still their brother. I won't raise my kids to be rascist and for me and my husband, it's irrelevant what race they marry into.
as muslims all we care about is they are muslim and are good natured people. Skin colour and ethnicity doesn't come into the picture for us
I am a eurasian woman. My mother is 100% asian
Who married a European man. Many of my mothers family members would denigrate us and make condescending remarks and jokes about us like we weren't as good as them and were made to feel as substandard people.
my husband was married to a real a-hole, he got out after 16 yrs of torture and abuse by her. I am not like my husbands exwife. I didn't abandon, neglect or abuse my kids or have an affair whilst still married to my husband, so yes, i and many other women are a better catch than my husband's exwife for not engaging in any of this shitty behaviour
i may be fair skinned but i am half asian, my kids 3/4 asian so before you ignorantly claim i am denigrating asian women, know that i as a half asian in a mixed race marriage with mixed race kids have personal first hand experience dealing with the crap we've dealt with including my husband from friends, co-workers and even family members derogatory comments about race of our kids and if they would be white or dark like him.
If we were that shallow and worried about our kids being born dark, I wouldn't have married my husband. Educate yourself before making comments like that. Denigrate means to criticise unfairly, i did not, i mentioned a common occurence in asian countries amongst mixed race marriages and the inferiority complex some have.
Im familiar with asian
Im familiar with asian cultures, specifically south eastern. The women arent "milking" the men, its just that the standard in society is for men to provide entirely for the women, including if they decide to have multiple wives and children. Divorce and provision are established by religious and societal norms. I think your perspective as a caucasian woman is slightly biased because what you consider "milking" is a social and religious duty for men towards women in these societies
Its especially incorrect when we know that some women in the more rural and traditional cultures are brought up to be traditional wives and then one day find themselves divorced (whether they want to or not) and held to a standard of working and providing but have 0 background or skills for it.
To get back to the topic, I dont feel its wrong to have children in old age if you are with a younger partner. My grandfather had children in his late 60s and early 70s with his younger wife and my uncles/aunts were quite upset about it because the requirement for him to get married was to not have any children since he was too old to take care of them but you cannot tell a 32yo wife to not have kids! He passed away when the youngest was 10. The kids loved their father and arent feeling any strife for him having kids older or passing away. My grandfather loved his second set of children more and doted on them so this elderly fatherhood was better for the kids as he was a neglectful father to my mother and her siblings and never cared about them. Parenting in old age can have more positive than negative in my opinion
It goes in every direction.
I have had a number of American male employees leave their families for a new woman met on both domestic and Expat bachelor status assignment. I have also had bachelorette employees shopping every American on Expat bachelor status employees in my organization. In Qatar, I had a number of young other country national bachelorette employees approach me for a relationship and my wife was in country with me. It is a not uncommon thing in both directions. It does not matter what demographic the players may be. I have seen it on Europe, Middle East, Asia, Africa and US assignments.
Older mothers
When older women become mothers (age 35 and up - according to doctors, is too old!) doctors make a HUGE fuss over how we are "high risk geriatric pregnancies." My sister in law recently had a healthy baby at 42, and was saying how awfult he doc made her feel for being old. I kept telling her, men have babies into their 70's, so why pick on you? But of course, those men have wives that are young enough to be their daughters.... eeew.
Deniro should not be celebrated. He is lucky if his kid doesn't have autism or other problems because his sperm is ancient.
I think thats a personal
I think thats a personal choice and while we may not agree with it or understand it, thats his life. Celebrities are human beings at the end whether we like them or not so they are bound to make decisions and life choices we may not agree with
Just another rich guy
Just another rich guy thinking his genes are superior and should be spread far and wide. I am sure there are many more.
elon musk 9
eddie Murphy 10
nick cannon12
clint Eastwood 8
jagger 8
Mel Gibson 9
I'm on the fence on this one.
My DW is 12yrs younger than I am and was a teen mom. Periodically over the 29 years of our relationship we have discussed another spawn.
Her OB/GYNs have always strongly advised against it due to severe toxemia and pre-eclampsia with her pregnancy with SS.
Age was not our motivator for not spawning. The risk to her health and the risk of an ours spawn having T-1 diabetes were our primary reasons for not having another child.
I have had a boss who had his first child when he was in his early 50s. He and his XW had 3. No idea how that has all panned out as I have not had contact with him in about 13yrs.
As for De Niro as an elderly father. His child likely will not have much memory of him as the odds of Daddy living more than a half a dozen years is slim.
One of my HS friends had a StepDad who was in his mid 80s and a half brother who was about 10yrs old. His mom was mid 30s. StepDad cheated on his mom and she divorced him.
These old guys very well may have missed the lecture on "No glove no love." and "Wrap it before you tap it."
I had my two babies in my
I had my two babies in my early 40s and I already worry about them having to manage me (and DH) as "older" parents when they are in their 20s and early 30s, It's a huge motivator for me to work on my health and physical fitness. My grandmother was my age when I was born and my great grandmother was in her early 70s. This baby will not likely have a long relationship with him, so hopefully there are other family members around to pick up the slack. They have resources, so I guess they can make up for some of the challenges of having an older parent.
Many layers here
I was just thinking about genetics recently and how older guys who are rich and famous for one thing or another are always getting with younger women. They have women lined up around the block to spend even just 2 days with them. for example in our little hamlet I live in, we have Clint Eastwood, whom is beloved to all and has had a number of children into advanced age. And hes still making movies and doing stuff that people find exciting.
The age gap is a bit disturbing. Husband has a close friend who is almost 60 married to a woman who I am thinking isnt 30 yet. Since she sais she doesnt want children, its not realy a big issue. With R Dinero Im sad for the child that wont get to experience him as a father (step daddy will step in most likely...) but ultimately I understand that this particular guy wants to please his partner who more than likely wanted a baby...Im guessing that he didnt wake up one day and say "I need to spread my gentics a bit more, hey baby lets make a baby". Again, thats what you get when you get with a much younger partner thats biologically wanting children.
However its really none of my business. Shamds, your relationship and babies and the age gap, thats really none of my business. Im not them. And being that I dont have my own bios and no chance of that, and also being that its "mothers day" weekend, where we celebrate everything mother...I think this topic is generally a hot button, especially for us childless not by choice women.
There is a Huge difference
There is a Huge difference between having a child in your 40's and even 50's and at 79! In your 40's and 50's you will likely see your kid get through college and start a life. At 79, you have a REALLY good chance of not making it to kindergarten!
My SIL was an oop's baby that came along when my DH was 16, MIL thought it was menopause! Their dad died when she was 6 (car accident). Have a dead dad for most of your childhood is really hard. I do find it incredibly selfish to bring a child into the world where you know you won't be there for them. None of us are guaranteed tomorrow, but KNOWING that you won't be there is a whole different story.
ABSOLUTELY THIS
An additional 25-40 years is a big damn deal. At age 79, statistically speaking, your chance if dying any day is pretty high.
Meh.
I might agree with you however I'm getting tired of everyone sticking their noses into everyone else's business. I think we should all leave people alone regarding personal choices.
Welp
At least De Niro and the baby will have the same bed and nappy time. How bonding !
Not a fan of his politics.
Not a fan of his politics.
Becoming a Dad at his age is very different than say 50years old. --But you see it is likely they have the best nannies, nurses, housekeepers, chef's etc to do ALL the work, we do. That makes a huge physical difference. So, he will be able to sleep thru the night, so will his wife. When they travel...the nanny handles most day to day things. If he want to take on a new movie role, no problem...his wife and entourage can travel right along with him.
What does HE care..right.
Sad for the child no matter how much money you have.
It has been almost 30 years since my dad passed away. I was so lucky to have him in my life during my adult years. I needed him the most then, even when I didn't believe so.