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Step Parent Christmas Classics

Rags's picture

I found this while cleaning up files on my computer.

Hopefully everyone's blended family adventure is not this bad.

Enjoy!

 

Step Parents Christmas Classics.

The Night Before Christmas – Step Parent Style

'Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the home,

No one should be stirring, yet stepchildren roam;

The stockings were thrown on the couch without care,

I, the stepmother, hid in my room in despair;

The children were shouting and playing Fortnite;

While their father tiptoed around to make Christmas “just right;”

And I with my earplugs, and dad still with presents to wrap,

Killed a bottle of wine before a long winter's nap,

When out in the rec room, there arose such a clatter,

I asked my dear spouse to see what was the matter.

Away to the rec room he begrudgingly trod,

Unplugged the xBox and yelled at his squad.

A bedtime was ordered and chaos ensued,

As stepkids phoned mommy to claim they were abused,

When what to my wondering eyes did appear,

But a car in the driveway as CPS drew near,

With a little old driver who gave not one sh*t,

I knew in a moment his trip would be quick.

More rapid than eagles skids burst from their rooms,

As CPS set up one-on-one interviews:

"It’s dad! It’s stepmom! I can’t take the pain!

First eating! Then showering! …And they unplugged our game!

Can we go back to mom’s?! Can you take them to jail?!

We’ve suffered intensely!” The stepchildren wailed.

As DMV workers move when a license renews,

CPS muddled around before finding a clue;

The children were well fed with nary a bruise

So CPS left and we went back to the booze—

And then, in a twinkling, I heard on the roof

The prancing and pawing of a small reindeer’s hoof.

I threw open the door, and raced into the yard,

Amazed that St. Nick was such a die-hard.

He was dressed all in fur, from his head to his foot,

And his clothes were all tarnished with ashes and soot;

Yet he didn’t stop to open his pack -

But with a jolly old smile gave me a note and Prozac.

It read: “Dear stepmom, for skids I have query!

Their consistent antics have made even ME weary!

Day in and day out you give boundaries and love,

And the children don’t care as they throw off the gloves;

You’ve made their dad happy and that makes them mad,

I’ve never seen children so intrinsically bad;

You give unconditionally – you’re losing your mind;

Yet to light, truth, and goodness, the children are blind.

So take my note – place it under the tree,

Try not to worry and go back to sleep;”

A wink of his eye and a twist of his head

Soon gave me to know I had nothing to dread;

He spoke not a word, but flew off with his crew,

I followed his orders with a silent adieu,

And slept through the night, waking to a calm,

As my spouse and I rose, saw the stepkids were gone;

They moved back to mom’s house for good without speaking a word,

And the note under the tree, my spouse found absurd.

But I shouted in glee at what the letter now stated—

A DNA test showed no one was related!

My life now at peace, with nary a fight -

“I wish a Happy Christmas to all, and to all a good night!”

 

A Step Parents Dream – (To Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer)

You know bios 

And nieces

And nephews

And neighbors;

Grandchildren,

Godchildren,

Adoptees,

And strangers;

But do you recall,

The most depraved

Children of all?

Skids, the sardonic children;

Have a blackened, hateful heart;

And if you ever raised one,

You would even say it’s dark!

All of the other people,

Think skids are cute and call us names;

But they never had to raise one,

Otherwise they’d know the games!

Then one gorgeous Christmas Eve,

Santa came to say,

Sardonic, heartless, evil skids,

Brought you a heart and soul, I did;

Then how the stepmoms loved skids;

And they shouted out with glee,

No longer treated poorly,

A peaceful life is here, Yipee!

 

JRI's picture

Im laughing so hard I have tears!  Thanks!

Swim_Mom's picture

Thanks for posting - it's hilarious Smile