Your priority is to protect your child. That means you engage when your H will not to keep your son safe and not allow him to be victimized or terrorized by H's out-of-control psychopath son. Either your H visits with SS outside of your home, or you take your child and leave. Please stop subjecting your son to this toxicity. It's likely he needs therapy. 

I'm sorry but your husband has had custody of the kid since he was 4 and...what has he done in these 10 years?! He sounds like a horrendous parent, to both kids.

If I were you, all this would be enough for me to move out with my son. If your DH has had full custody all these years,I take it BM is not in the picture. I don't think he can just kick this kid out.  And probably, with a father like this one, you're already a single parent anyways.

Keep him happy? Your husband is delusional. SS is 14. Old enough to be charged in court with behavior that  can get him on the sex offender list. Just 3 years and he can be charged as an adult. Does Dad think his kid will be happy in prison? Will Dad be happy visiting him there?

Your priority has to be your seven year old. He needs this toxicity out of his life and getting him therapy to deal with the events that have happened should be happening. 

SS is not coming back. Where is he? He's 14. His father is legally responsible for him. Since he can't live with you, has his father made arrangements for his care?

What the hell is wrong with your husband????? Not only would that kid not be allowed back in my home, I'd tell my DH the minute he stepped through the door, I'd call the police. He sexually assaulted your 7 year old son! Humping his face???? Your SS is a sick psychopath. He does not need to be around your kid or you. I'd kick both their azzes to the curb. No way would I ever tolerate that kind of abuse to myself let alone a child. Wow.

About.

ss threatened to rape some girls on school bus, dads solution is keep ss happy a few more yrs- not address this with ss that threatening rape is no joke and not ok.

pulling kids pants down at school is assault- thats not ok.

his behaviour is spiralling out of control and daddy's head is in the sand.

his son was humping your son's face and teaching him about blow jobs with a friend to an underage kid- daddy's solution? Absolutely nothing, just keep ss happy a few more yrs, till he most likely gets arrested.

i have cut out far less toxicity and inappropriate behaviour in my life with my husbands kids because he assured me that skid crap would never continue into our kids upbringing. When hubby couldn't control the unacceptable behaviour, have skids follow basic expectations and boundaries, it was very simple for me- I didn't subject myself and our 2 kids to their half siblings.

sd's have been the worse for me and have no remorse but scapegoat everyone else for their issues. Ss has started to make an effort with our kids even with a 17.5-19 age gap between our kids and him.

whatever crap happened in hubbys marriage with ex, that toxic cycle of dysfunction ends with the divorce. It doesn't continue into our household and home. When hubby realised nothing was getting through to his daughters, he had no choice but to respect my decision and honour that he agreement he made with me that the toxic cycle of dysfunction ends with  skids

in my case exwife had custody of the girls with daddy weekend visits. She decided about 4yrs post divorce to not honour court order and disappear with the daughters. Ss has been in my husbands primary care since bio mum disowned him and cut off all contact in divorce.

sd's are set in their ways and as 27 & 17 yr olds, believe they are the boss and control everyone, can blame appalling behaviour on everyone else. I refuse to tolerate toxic behaviour. Your home is your safe place and sanctuary. When skids do not respect that, your husband has no business taking his court ordered custody time in your home, he needs to handle that outside.

your husband needs to be made aware very direct words that if ss makes any attempt to hump your kids face or threaten rape, that you will report to police and get a restraining order against him and act on it. 
 

your husband has lost the right to play the victim card now. He already fuc*ed up one kid, now he's allowing his messed up kid to continue messing up other kids. Your husband has no morals if he does nothing when his kid has done so much to others

if my asian mum knew my brother had pulled another kids pants down at school or threatened rape and he and my mum was called into principals office, she'd slap his face. The western world can call that assault but my mum meant business. You never crossed the line with her and would fear the repercussions after.

too many parents nowaday are such pathetic individuals who shouldn't be breeding kids they have no interest in raising up

You dont have a say in this. I know because i requested for one of my steps to never come to my house but I was told that unless there is a restraining order or a custody modification, then I have no say. If your husband lives with you, he is free to have him over per the court order unless you have petitioned for protective order or custody modification. Your husband will have the final say.

Your skid is exhibiting behavior that makes me believe he is either a sexual predator or was sexually abused.  Either way your son should not be unsupervised with him ever again.  
 

I had a brined whose ds was sexually assaulted by her SS that she had adopted.  They got their son into therapy but never charged the SS with anything because there was no "proof". Decades later and her DS tried to kill himself and had anxiety so severe he had a hard time talking to people.  My friend took her own life because of the trauma her ds was reliving and the guilt she had for not doing more then.

You will never regret protecting your child, do not allow your H to put him in an unsafe situation.

I pray there isn't more that you have yet to learn about.  Please take your ds to a therapist, they can help him process what has happened.  
 

You are not the mean one by protecting your child.  You are a mother that loves her child and if your H doesn't understand the difference he doesn't deserve you.

I have to admit that, when I read your post, I kept hoping you were a troll ... Yes, it's that bad.

How on earth can your husband look at himself in a mirror when he has a child who is acting out so badly? Why does he not love his son enough to actually parent him? What kid of a future does he foresee for this kid? He just wants to keep him happy for another few years? WHY? WHAT FOR? What does he imagine will happen in a few years? The kid isn't going to suddenly behave like a normal kid after acting like this for so long. How is  your husband going to handle seeing his son marched off in handcuffs? Because that's where he's heading ... Have you any respect left for someone who does nothing in a situation like this?

I don't understand why nobody has ever called the cops on him because some of the stuff he does is criminal. If he ever does come back from his mother's, call the cops at the merest whiff of anything "off". Please get your son into therapy for what he's had to deal with so far because he'll need all the help he can get. With a bit of luck, he'll tell the therapist everything and a therapist being a mandated reporter ...

Another thing to consider - if the authorities get involved because of your SS's behaviour, you stand to lose a lot in the process for knowingly harbouring a sexual predator especially with a young, at risk son.

this boy needs to have the police called on him. Threatening to rape someone, attempting to assault someone with a bat, exposing himself to people, sexually assaulting people (pulling down of their pants), this is not a "keep him happy for a few more years", until when? until he ACTUALLY rapes someone? until he ACTUALLY hits someone with a bat? no, that boy is going to end up in jail... he does NOT need to step foot back in your home. DH can go visit him outside of your home.DH can bring him WHAT EVER he needs from the home (like if he left a sweater or something). Keep your son and yourself far away from that creep.

Your first priority should be your child and yourself.  DH sounds like a horrible parent and his son is in need of extensive psychotherapy, though he sounds like he may be a lost cause.  He is a danger to you and to your child.  I think eventually he'll become a criminal and be in and out of prison.

This situation is likely to deteriorate, no matter what you do.  And as a step parent, SS will likely not respect you or listen to anything you say.  Hopefully, SS will stay gone.  I wouldn't let him back in to your home.  If DH wants to see his son, he can do it outside of the home.

It sounds like DH is a terrible parent.  "We should have kept him happy just a few more years," that's a sh&tty excuse for this behavior and DH likely knows that.  Sounds like he wants to kiss his son's a&& and be his buddy rather than a parent. That comment is something my ex husband would have said about his manchild.

I am so sorry you are going through this.  Stand your ground, protect yourself and your child.  If SS tries to move back in, don't let him.  Keep him out of your home.

Please keep us posted - take care of yourself and your child! 

This kid is dangerous.

Protect your child and yourself because your husband is unwilling to do so.

Do not let him back in.

Get cameras for the house and your childs room.

Do not allow SS to be with your son unsupervised EVER.

Call CPS and Cops if ANYTHING happens.

In fact. Id leave your D(UD)H

You are not powerless in this situation. If the list of behaviours in your introductory email is true, then he is a criminal. You can and should report him to the police and keep him and his miscreant buddies away from your home and child.  Your DH and BM should be dealing with this and since they refuse to, then the authorities should.  And WTF is this child's happiness more important than other childrens and adults happiness and safety.  Your DH has serious issues if this is how he feels about his childs behaviours.  Keep the kid happy, by letting him bully and abuse others...I can't even comprehend this.

And you tolerate your idiot husband why?

smh.

Flush the trash and his shit gene pool.  NOW!

You let your SS hump your 7yo child's face?  YOU are allowing that. Why would YOU allow that to happen at all much less continute to serve your own young child up to this failed man, failed father, failed husband and his shit spawn.  Why are they still in your life and the life of your 7yo.

Grow a pair and solve this problem. Permanently.

Please.