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SS again eating meals after we go to bed

Someoneelse's picture

So the saga continues. I made homemade goulash for dinner last night. SD ate 2 good sized servings, so I had figured that she should be good and full, that no night time eating (aside from some regu snacks would ensue... which is fine, i don't mind if they want a fruit, a peice of toast, and/or some yogurt.  But i woke up to find half a sick of butter missing, and a whole left over Tupperware of rice missing (talking about easily 4 cups (32oz) of cooked rice). I was planning on making fried rice for dinner with it... get some veggies diced up chicken,a few eggs... but all that rice... she "isn't that hungry" all day long, i tell her she should eat breakfast, no thanks, are you hungry for lunch? Not really.... but then she GORGES herself at dinner and during the night....

stepmomnorth's picture

It sounds like binge eating. Is she trying to not eat during the day possibly, then ends up bingeing later due to stress? 

Someoneelse's picture

She doesn't have any stress. She literally does nothing all day, and has no job, she's making A's and B's in school and doesn't study at all. I think that she's full from eating all night long and not eating all day. and by not eating all day, she will eat a whole sleeve of ritz crackers, or a piece of bread, just no real food all day long(sandwiches and fruit or yogurt or If I ask if she wants me to MAKE something, it's always she's not really hungry, but will turn around and eat crackers or a piece of bread). But this morning I was surprised, she wanted to go have breakfast with DH when he asked... after a HUGE portion of buttered rice like that! I DO think she has an eating disorder, but BM refuses to get her checked for ANYTHING, and DH can't as per CO

stepmomnorth's picture

Thats a strange pattern. Is your SD 16? My step kid (16)  would sleep all day  and be up all night on social media with friends as part of what they called their "social life"

Someoneelse's picture

SD is 16, but she doesn't sleep all day (anymore) she used to sleep AAALLLLLLLL day and all night. like she would fall asleep if she sat longer than 10 minutes , which was majority of the time. she  go to bed and be asleep by 8pm, and not wake until 10am, and take a scheduled nap from 12-3, but also still fall asleep anywhere she sat. I think she has sleep apnea. These are symptoms, but also the fact that she is rather obese (she's about 5'7" (170cm) and about 370lbs (167.829kg)

Gimlet's picture

Her BMI is 57.9.  She is morbidly obese, OP.  While I recognize that the BMI tool is imperfect and has some valid criticisms, there isn't any nuance to be found in numbers like that.

She has an eating issue and she needs help, but it sounds like that isn't happening due to the way the CO is written.  This is going to affect her health for life.   I would be shocked if she didn't have sleep apnea. 

IIRC, she's also awful to your daughters.  It has to be frustratring to be around her.

caninelover's picture

370 lbs as a teenager is a significant health concern.  CO or not it needs to be addressed.  Can your DH not challenge the existing CO somehow based on this legitimate health concern?

Someoneelse's picture

SD is 17, she'll be 18 by the time anything even happens in court, where we're at court ALWAYS favors BM, always.

Someoneelse's picture

It is extremely frustrating to be around her! She doesn't really want to be here, she picks fights with EVERYONE, and NEVER EVER EVER apologizes. She still hasn't apologized for this summer situation, when asked if she thought she hade ANY fault in the whole situation she said no, it was only DD18's fault (again her FAVORITE person to blame). I really don't like SD, but I can see that she needs help, and I would do everything I could to help her, but between her not admitting she needs help, and M refusing to get her help, there's nothing I can do

stepmomnorth's picture

 I understand this. It's hard when you don't have them very often and the bio mom is hard to deal with and chooses not to do anything. You're in a tough spot. 

Aniki-Moderator's picture

Gadzooks! *shok*

It is absolutely despicable that SD's parents are not doing anything. This girl could easily die at a young age, which would be a tragedy. Yes, she's awful, but she has the potential to change. But at 370 lbs with a BMI of 57.9? She may very well have fewer days ahead of than behind her. 

tog redux's picture

Holy moly! Yes, she has an eating disorder, for sure.  The criticisms of the BMI tool that I've read say it's actually too generous. 

Does she have diabetes yet? I promise at 370 lbs, she has stress she's dealing with. 

 

LittleCloud9's picture

That's a lot of food. More than I would think she can eat. Is there a chance she had an eating disorder? Some disorders make people binge eat

Someoneelse's picture

It is a lot of food, but if you remember my last post, she's able to GORGE herself. She ate an ENTIRE birthday cake that was meant for her brother's party. BM called DH to tell him (not sure what she thought he'd do, SD was with BM when it happened, AND when BM found out, and when BM called DH. DH tells BM all the time that SD needs to see a psychiatrist! She usually disagrees, I don't usually know the reason she disagrees. Or sometimes she agrees and then SD is on a waiting list for som psychiatrist, but then she never ends up going, I think she's been on this "waiting list" for 5 years... But DH can't take her because what the court order says.

I am a FIRM believer in mental health

LittleCloud9's picture

How awful! That's really strange behavior. It's so hard when the only parent who has the power to help has no interest in helping. You would think her mom would be more concerned... but then that's the story of so many bms on here

Survivingstephell's picture

Put a nanny cam in the kitchen.  Make sure she's not just dumping the food to be a brat.  

Someoneelse's picture

It's really looks like she ate it, there were still peices of rice in the sink, mouth drag marks on the spoon. unless she's staging it like that (which she isn't really that clever) I'm thinking she ate it. I really don't want cameras IN the house, I feel like my kid's and I will no longer have privacy. I am not MAD that she ate it, just kinda worried, and even if i have proof, what's going to change? nothing. She's not going to go to counseling, her mom wont do it, even with ALL the proof in the world, then it's just on film for us to watch and be disgusted by... i mean its REALLY gross to think she ate THAT much rice... I mean it's NOWHERE, it's not in the trash (I took the trash out last night and then put a few things in the new trash bag, so i know she didn't throw it away in the trash and then take the trash out....

tog redux's picture

Have you ever watched My 600 lb life? It shows very clearly how addictive food is for people with an eating disorder, and how much they can consume in one sitting. Your SD is in a lot of trouble if she's already 370 lbs at 16 and eating in such an uncontrolled manner. Very sad. 

Much of this kind of eating is driven by trauma and/or mental health issues. 

Tried out's picture

to be purging. There is no way her digestive track could handle that volume of food.

StepUltimate's picture

Most "normies" cannot fathom the quantities food addicts can consume. BTDT in my 20s & 30s with bullemia & binge-eating, spent 2 decades in eating disorder therapy (including a few inpatient/day program weeks) & 12-step recovery. Overeaters Anonymous really helped me help myself get free of that, and also led me to Al-Anon, where I got to work on my core, Adult Child of a raging Alcoholic issues. 

Unsure how it works during COVID but it's free:

https://oa.org/

Biggrin

caninelover's picture

I would maybe do some research online about the best way to approach SD about this.  If it is an eating disorder you (and by you I mean your DH) don't want to confront her and make her ashamed, because that will lead her to hide the behavior.  But one way or another, you do need to approach her about this.  It isn't healthy.

Someoneelse's picture

I honestly think that our little bit of time with her isn't going to change anything. She doesn't listen to anything we say over here, and ANYTHING she doesn't "listen to, she turns it around and manipulates things that we say to suit her adgenda (not coming). And it doesn't help that her mother has cameras to catch her and shame her about her eating and doesn't seek help. I am not going to lock up food up and cause harm to my daughters' food relationship for SD being here EOWE (and hardly even that anymore).

caninelover's picture

That sounds really awful the way the BM is mis-managing this.  I feel sorry for SD but yes, also understand your concerns about not wanting to lock up food while she's there sporadically - the real change would need to happen in BM home.

Aniki-Moderator's picture

Okay, this is alarming behavior. While you say that SD "doesn't have any stress" there IS a possibility that she IS stressed. 

I know she is not bulimic, but I was also a "sneak eater" and was veeeery careful to never binge (or purge) in front of anyone. In fact, I was so paranoid about being discovered, that I would hit multiple fast food places to get food for one. Binge, purge, hide the evidence. She's hiding her binge eating - likely because she knows it's an issue. Something is going on in her head. BM doing a major foot drag regarding her daughter's health - why isn't this child abuse?

tog redux's picture

I assume BM is obese as well and perhaps not willing to look at her own habits (therefore trying to claim SD's are normal).

Gimlet's picture

Off topic, and not to take away from how crappy the situation is, but if you still want to make fried rice you can cook another batch of rice, put it on cookie sheets to cool, and then refrigerate it on the cookie sheets for a few hours.  It will get that dry texture that you want for fried rice.

This has worked for me in a pinch when I either didn't plan or YSS ate part of the leftover rice (he's super thin but only eats certain foods and rice is one of them).

Texashley33's picture

My SS18 looks worse than a high fashion model..skinnier than that. He doesn't eat very much, bc we had to get onto him for sneaking our food..he would eat all of our food and lie about it. Now he purposely starves himself. He's such an idiot. 

Texashley33's picture

Hearing him drink water grosses me out..that's how much I despise SS18. 

nappisan's picture

i worked with a guy around the same age with similar habits,, it turned out he was type 1 diabetic and him sleeping all the time was actually him going into diabetic comas.  No one knew until one day he almost died.  He would fall asleep literally anywhere.  he would have for lunch a loaf of bread and an energy drink, that was his regular diet before they found out about diabeties.  he was very obese also.   has she been tested for diabeties?  

Rags's picture

While not obese, at the time, when I was Dx'd as a T-1 diabetic I struggled with remaining awake, among other symptoms.  Though sleep was not the primary symptom.  Rapid weight loss, profuse thirst and urination, and zero energy were far more prominent than narcoleptic sleep symptoms.  

Good call though, T-1s who are not yet diagnosed are basically starving regardless of how much they are eating. They are unable to metabolize the energy in blood glucose.  Insulin is the access catalyst/hormone that allows blood glucose to enter the bodies cells where it is "burned" as energy. No insulin or defective insulin and blood glucose can't enter the cell.

Profuse hunger is another symptom because the body is saying "feed me!" even though a T-1 may be eating nearly constantly.

I went from 165Lbs to under 120Lbs in the few months beginning in the mid Sept - Nov time frame to just before Christmas during my undiagnosed period as  a T-1. When I was Dx'd my BG was 900+mg/dl which made me the walking equivalent of a sugar cube.  I have never again in my life felt that crappy.

I do not wish this disease on anyone.  My deal with the big guy upstairs is that I will have the family diseases. So far, the deal holds and I am the only one with this disease. So far.