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Friday dinner at Cover's

Cover1W's picture

My Fridays are long. I commute in, leave the house at 6:15 am and return around 6:00 pm. Which is why I don't cook. DH works from home. I get home, with YSD, upstairs is a mess, all DH created. I keep my mouth shut. Asked him if he had a busy day at work, "Not really."

Now noting chicken was just put in the oven, no sides, no veg. I ignore. Take shower, play with cat, kill some time. It's now almost 7 and I'm really hungry. Chicken is done. YSD made rice and is nowhere to be seen. I say to DH that I'm hungry and going to eat. No response as he's engrossed in his computer.

So I make some different rice(brown for me) using the microwave and cut up some veg. Making noise. Still nothing. So I sit down to eat.

DH then gets up and says, "You are funny, you just start eating."

Me, "Yes, it's after 7 and I'm hungry."

DH, now annoyed, "You could have said something, like, hey, dinner's ready or let's all eat."

Me, "I did but was ignored." Also not saying a word about disappearing YSD.

DH, "Well this is just like the downfall of the American meals together, etc. Etc."

Me, "No, it's not about that. And why are you mad at me? I'm not the only one here am I? Am I 'supposed' to be in charge here of all the meals even if I'm not cooking them!?"

DH, "I'm not mad, it's just an example of how the family is so disconnected...."

Me, "And that's MY fault somehow? Do you expect ME to take charge of dinner time all the time? Really? Come on."

End of discussion.

Comments

caninelover's picture

I feel ya - when I was commuting to work all week.  I would commute 1 hour each way, work a full, busy, and stressful day, and cook dinner when I got home.  I got to be expert at it -  I would get home at 6 pm, and (with previous prep work done on the weekends) would have dinner ready by 6:30.  But - that was with full support of my SO (worked from home) who I'd leave some prep instructions for.  He'd dutifully chip a few onions and garlic or other veggies as I I asked.  We worked as a team to get a healthy homemade dinner on the table. 

And by the end of the week - I had a no cook Friday rule.  That was the day we went out to eat!

That is where your DH is being a bit of jerk.  No cook Friday doesn't mean throwing chicken in the oven with no sides or no plans.  Honestly not everyone is built for dinner prep and execution. So...maybe your Fridays should be pizza or take out night?  Just a thought Smile

Cover1W's picture

H it's all on him. When YSD is here we don't go out because she doesn't eat normal teen food nor does she like restaurant food ... Because she doesn't know what is in it. So some Fridays are allll on DH.

Usually if it's just us we'll do pizza or I'll pick up takeout on my way home.

LittleCloud9's picture

We have a sandwich night. There's always one crazy day a week where I really am maxed and we just have sandwiches that night, my hubbys suggestion. On other days I'm working a long day we will have leftovers or we prep together the night before. Hubby always cooks on the weekends too so most weeks now I cook about 4 nights.

Kes's picture

Personally, if I had to endure what you describe, on future Fridays I would stop at a restaurant on my way home and have a civilised, pleasant, well cooked meal WITH veg - then dessert, then coffee - and not hurry home after. 

Cover1W's picture

Oh I've done this. Part of my Friday issue I should mention is that I commute partly by bike and am sweaty and stinky and last night covered with grit due to rain. So going out myself is more difficult and uncomfortable. Plus we don't have many restaurants in our area so lack of choice = burnout. I'm going through burnout, DH even offered to get takeout recently and I said no, sick of it. His face was supreme surprise.

shamds's picture

But blames wifey who has been at work all day and still managed to cook dinner.

you know years ago i told off hubby i was not a maid for adult ss. I'd cook dinner and hubby would tell me to knock on ss's door and let him know. I told hubby to get stuffed!! That me and our kids would wait for hubby to get home and i'm done with having to knock on ss's door that dinner is ready and spending several mins hearing his mumbling because he's rude and can't open his door to tell me he'll have dinner later.

i told hubby ss isn't an idiot, he can get food after i've packed away and put it in the fridge since he's not normal.

yeah that shut it down quickly. Ss mum is useless, never cooked in her life. Yet me, i cook really delicious food yet ss will criticise it like eww meat bones in my briyani rice or do same thing to sil. We've all answered sarcastically.

hubby tells off ss when he tries to criticise my cooking that my food is already tasty and delicious. But as he's the product of batshit crazy and co, he's got crap tastebuds

Cover1W's picture

I didn't take it that's for sure. His passivity is the main issue IMHO. And he doesn't like my setting expectations around meals so whatever DH, you then deal with it.

Years ago when OSD was still here, I would tell people when dinner was, dinner was about the same time all the time. I got tired of telling OSD 3 times then having to go to her room to get her. So I gave one or two notices of dinner and that was that. OSD tried blaming me, to which I responded that I had told both of them dinner was ready twice. If she chose to ignore that (or had headphones on too loud) and ignored the time, not my problem. She was old enough to figure it out. DH was annoyed with me until HE had to start doing it. Then miraculously, he went through the same thing as me. Yeah, all my fault then?

Noway2b1's picture

Or smell. I mean unless they've got earphones in and cotton stuck in their nostrils it's pretty hard to not realize food is being cooked. House vibrations even can alert people that "something" is going on right? Oh was that the garage door opening? I had a previous grown step daughter that lived with me and my ex, I always cooked and to her credit for the most part she was super helpful, except a few times such as one time I'm banging around making a meal, right under her room and normally she would come down and help, not this time, meal is prepped and I call up to her hey you coming down for dinner, then she informs me she's got dinner plans. Uhhh ok, a heads up would have been great. So about a week later I'm making breakfast (late) and a similar thing happens, so.....this time I don't call upstairs when it's ready. About 10 minutes after we finished eating she comes down and is visibly upset that I didn't let her know breakfast was ready and asks that in the future I notify her. Hahahahaha yea right. I was quite the doormat back then but did say, well usually when there are noticeable signs that a meal is being prepped I would think you would know, and after last week I figured since you didn't come down at any time that you must have had other plans like last week. So maybe here's the thing, let me know when YOU'VE got other meal plans and I'll plan accordingly." It never happened again. 

Rumplestiltskin's picture

If he's upset that the people who live together in his house don't act like a family, it's on him. He is the thing you all have in common. If not for him, you wouldn't even know the skids, much less live with them. When i cook at my house and SO is there, i am the one who wrangles my kids and makes sure everyone is at the table. It usually involves yelling "food!" up the stairs and they come eat. If we are at his house and we are cooking, i don't take responsibility for his kids coming to the table. They like to drag and stall, and it's not my job. The youngest doesn't listen to me so i don't bother asking him more than once to do anything. I tried getting him to do something he didn't want to do several times before and got kicked and punched. I'm like Willy Wonka. Calmly say "Don't..." or "Food's ready." and then whatever happens happens. It's like "Ok then. Starve for all i care." 

Kaylee's picture

When I would go over to ex's place for dinner, exSD would be up in her room with her door shut, while he would be doing all the prep. I sometimes said, why don't you ask her to come and help? You have been at work all day, while she's just been at home, doing F all.

He would say, oh no she's busy.

WTF?? Busy doing what?? 

Then dinner would be ready and he would go up and knock on her door, waiting for her to deign to answer.  Occasionally he would ask me to go and knock on her door, but he always got. F no to that question! I wasn't about to run around after that little madam. 

As other posters have said, unless you are deaf and have no sense of smell, you know when dinner is being prepared. Plus at his house dinner was usually around the same time every night