Somewhat OT - Mexican stand-off with DH over cleaning
Happily disengaged, and looking for some general advice when it come to a DH who is very recalcitrant in regards to doing anything around the house (Skid mess and otherwise).
DH has VERY traditional gender beliefs, and thinks cleaning is 'emasculating'.
He works three days a week, I work 5 + lots of overtime and am very definitely the primary breadwinner of the family.
We've gotten past child rearing/bathing and feeding the skids being 'women's work', but the only way to get there was to take such a gigantic leap back that he was left to choose between feeding, clothing and bathing them himself or letting them starve. Effectively I had to completely remove myself from the house for the entirety of his visitation time for months. Painful, frustrating and very inconvenient, but we got there in the end.
However, playing chicken with the cleaning doesn't seem to be working quite so well.
I've been very deliberately only cleaning up after myself for the last 2-3 months, and leaving skid and DH mess even though it drives me crazy.
Skid bedroom is so revolting that I honestly think child protective services would revoke his custody if they saw it (But thankfully I can just shut the door on the room - Not my monkeys! Frustrating that it's too filthy for them to play in there so they spill out into the rest of the house, though).
I'm not sure if the fact that we've reached crisis point means that things are about to start getting better, but DH has started throwing out perfectly good kitchenwear and replacing it rather than washing it. Replacing it out of the joint account, might I add, then coming to me in a panic at the end of the month because he's spent the rent money.
I'm very frugal and anti-waste, and throwing out dishes and mugs rather than putting them in the dishwasher because you've left them so long they're yucky and you don't want to touch them makes me want to hyperventilate.
Should I cut my losses and stop playing chicken with the mess before we end up any further financially behind, or would quitting now be stumbling at the last hurdle and making months of not being able to have anyone over for nothing?